Relationship Issues

A dissatisfying sex-life – this is usually underpinned by other issues that may cause one or both partners to feel disconnected and distant, such that they do not want physical contact.  Sometimes it can be the lack of a sex life itself that can cause other problems and impact the relationship.  But ultimately, for most people, a healthy sex life is important for their experience of the relationship.

Being ‘stuck in a rut’ – relationships, like life, go through various stages.  There’s the initial exciting stage (the butterflies and ‘honeymoon phase’), the comfortable and secure stage, and…..the rut.  This is normal because constant excitement is unrealistic and likely involves constant drama, which no healthy relationship can withstand.  And many of the early stages occur precisely because the relationship is novel and new.  But it is when couples become resigned to the rut that things become problematic.

Cheating – when other people are in some way introduced into a couple’s relationship, it can understandably make partners insecure, especially if one partner has been unfaithful, whether that be emotionally, physically, or both.

Deep and longstanding hurt and resentment – when couples have experienced disappointment from one another, they naturally experience pain and hurt, which if untended or added to, starts to form resentment and bitterness between them, making the void widen the longer it goes on.

Denial and avoidance – when couples bury their ‘head in the sand’, they are ignoring the issues.  This means they do not have to face them as doing this would require a response.  But denial and avoidance simply keeps the problem going, and over time can make it so big, it seems and may actually be unsurmountable.

Disagreements and incompatible values – when couples are unable to agree on issues or hold differing beliefs about things, they can struggle with all kinds of issues.  From mundane day to day things like who puts the bins out, or what they eat for dinner, to the bigger issues, like child rearing.

Family politics – some couples can have problems because their families and sometimes even friends may be overly and inappropriately involved in their relationship, to such an extent that it causes a divide between the couple.

Loss of emotional connection and intimacy – many of these or other issues can lead to a loss of emotional connection and intimacy, such that the couple are no longer attuned to one another’s emotional states, they do not feel close anymore, and may even feel lonely.

Recurring disappointment – some couples experience a vicious cycle whereby one partner is unhappy with the other in some way and demands change, the other promises change but repeatedly fails to deliver.  This can lead to indifference, such that a person effectively ‘checks out’ of the relationship.

Substance misuse – some couples’ problems arise because of the misuse of substances, for example, alcohol.  The impact of substances on a a relationship can be highly damaging.  Alcohol, for example is a depressant, affects libido, can make some people act in unacceptable ways, and can make the drinker hard to be around (if say, they are an ‘unhappy or angry drunk’).

Trauma – some people have experienced treatment from their partner which has left them emotionally scarred.  This can lead to longer term problems if the trauma remains unaddressed and unresolved.

Communication breakdown – alongside all of the above exists the bigger issue of communication.  When individuals are able to communicate effectively, they are able to work through most things.  But when they are unable to speak one another’s language, they are essentially speaking in tongues – not productive for any length of time.