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South Korea is familiar with suicide. Despite a global decrease in suicide, the rate of suicide in South Korea has almost doubled in the past 20 years. In 2021 it was the fifth leading cause of death, above traffic accidents, with 26 deaths per 100,000 people.
You might think that this only affects the average population, or those who are financially struggling, but actually, many Korean celebrities take their own lives, sparking concerns about the pressures faced by those in the KPOP (Korean Pop Music) industry, and also actors and models.
Suicide is a serious and complex problem, and the reasons for it will vary from one person to the next. But why is it so prevalent in Korean society? Learning some of the reasons might help us to understand and perhaps even save lives.

South Korea's Suicide Rate

Here are some reasons why Korean celebrities may have chosen to take their lives. Keep in mind, these reasons can impact any of us, no matter what job we do:
<ol>
<li>Pressure and stress: There is very intense pressure on Korean celebrities who experience exhaustion and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> due to the demands placed on them. The pressure to constantly maintain a particular image or success level, as well as the pressure from the public (i.e., fans), and the industry as a whole can feel too much.</li>
<li>Mental health problems: The pressure and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">stress</a>, alongside other factors, can lead to feelings of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and depression. There might also be other factors like a &#8220;personality disorder&#8221;, all of which might contribute to suicidal feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.</li>
<li>Cyberbullying and hate: There is such harsh and unrelenting criticism and scrutiny placed on Korean celebrities from anti-fans, the media, and also their fans. Such negative comments and bullying can take a serious toll on <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/male-mental-health/">mental health</a>.</li>
<li>Lack of support: Even though mental health awareness is growing within South Korean culture, there is still much stigma so mental health is not as well understood due to the lack of discussion. This is in part due to the culture&#8217;s strong emphasis on conformity and social cohesion. This makes it difficult for individuals to openly seek support. Stoicism and self-reliance are also valued. This makes it hard for individuals to seek support or even acknowledge they may be struggling. So celebrities, who are expected to be perfect &#8220;idols&#8221; and shining exemplars for South Koreans, and now the world, are likely to feel even less able to seek mental health resources and support.</li>
<li>Lack of social capital: <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/how-to-live-a-long-happy-life/">Relationships are necessary for longevity in life</a>, they help to support and sustain us. Sadly, those in the industry often start as child stars which means they may not experience a typical childhood and therefore are precluded from forming meaningful relationships. It has been reported by some in the industry that they experience a very rigorous training regimen from an early age, with very little opportunity to make friends and socialise with close connections, even if they do exist. Most of their friends or confidantes are other children in the same position.</li>
<li>Prevalence: When we exist in a family that experiences depression, alcoholism, or another condition, we are more at risk of developing a similar condition. This may be in part due to genetics, but also to learned behaviour. The Korean entertainment industry has a very high rate of suicide. It might be said that suicidality has become almost normalised and therefore people become desensitised to the notion. Effectively, it becomes an option.</li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/F4G8GtbM2_U??rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

What Makes The KPOP Industry Vulnerable?

On April 20th, 2023, Moon Bin, a South Korean singer, model, actor, and dancer who was also a part of the popular KPOP group ASTRO, was found dead by his manager after he was unable to reach him. His cause of death has not been made public, however, the consensus is that Moon Bin took his own life. He was 25 years old.
Moon Bin has been in the public eye since he was 11 years old. He grew up under public scrutiny, first as an actor, and later advancing to the world of KPOP at age 18. KPOP has since blown up into the world. This would likely have increased workload and pressure, as well as scrutiny under the unforgiving 24-hour social media culture.
This is especially the case in South Korea where social media users have a penetration rate of 88.3% of the population, putting South Korea at number 10 in the world for social media usage. If celebrities like Moon Bin do not look and sound perfect, they face intense backlash, but how can they look and sound perfect when perfection is a myth, especially under their grueling schedules?
In 2019 and 2020 Moon Bin took a sudden break, it is thought this was due to health difficulties, including mental illness (anxiety and perhaps <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>) and exhaustion. Although he was permitted a break to rest and recover, it seems this only addressed a part of the concern as it presented then. Perhaps Moon Bin did not feel able to ask for more time off. This means that there was a short-term solution, but not a long-term one.
It seems Moon Bin got to take a breather but then had to jump right into the same high-pressured environment, which would have undone any recovery and just continued the trajectory toward burnout. This would have placed him at great risk, psychologically, mentally, and emotionally, with fledgling resilience and hopelessness at the unrelenting cycle. It is likely he experienced guilt and shame about his self-perceived inability to remain &#8220;mentally strong&#8221; (as he once put it) even when his body was begging for a break.

Moon Bin Case Example

It&#8217;s important not to speculate too much. Notwithstanding, I hope this article gives us some things to consider when it comes to mental health and support, especially due to the risks to life. There will always be &#8220;what ifs&#8221; after the fact. But for me, the takeaway from Moon Bin&#8217;s tragic end, and other cases of suicide is the importance of talking to someone.
Something a client once said to me always comes to mind at times like this:
&#8220;Don&#8217;t choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem&#8221;
I would add: &#8220;<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">Please speak to someone, anyone</a>&#8221;
Rest in Peace Moon Bin.

Takeaway

Kim, J. (2019, August 12). ASTRO's Moonbin to take break due to health concerns. The Korea Times. Retrieved from 

Kim, S. (2020, May 4). ASTRO's Moonbin returns from hiatus. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Lee, M. (2020, January 3). ASTRO's Moonbin to continue hiatus due to health concerns. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Statista. (2021). Suicide in South Korea - statistics & facts. Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users in selected countries as of January 2022 (in millions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users worldwide from 2017 to 2025 (in billions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Why Is Suicide So Prevalent In KPOP? RIP Moon Bin

On this website, you&#8217;ll find pages that discuss what <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">trauma</a> and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> are. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a nuanced form of these and is also considered an &#8216;anxiety disorder&#8217;. 
If <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">PTSD</a> occurs, it relates to the experience of a traumatic event. The traumatic event that causes PTSD can be anything. It could be an experience in the home during childhood. It could be sexual assault. It could be witnessing a car accident. 
Almost anything that is difficult to process can cause PTSD. Two people may experience the same event, yet both may not develop PTSD. Its development depends on various individual factors. 
This article will discuss the symptoms of PTSD in Thomas Shelby (Tommy) from the BBC show The Peaky Blinders, exploring how PTSD is portrayed in the series. This will bring a greater understanding of what a person with PTSD might experience.
Because this is based on a fictitious character and is a case study about PTSD, some creative flair has been taken to emphasise how PTSD can be for some people. This article is solely the opinion of the author.

What Is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder?

Tommy experienced the horrors of serving in WWI. During the war, he will have witnessed bloodshed and death, horrific brutality, and perhaps even had to do things that he felt uncomfortable with.
Tommy lost his mother to suicide, and as the series progresses he lost his brother, wife, aunt Polly, daughter, and others. These losses, on top of what he lost in war, figuratively (parts of himself), and literally (comrades and friends) take their toll. This means &#8220;Complex Trauma&#8221; likely developed, this is when someone is exposed to several invasive and traumatic events that are varied and usually of an interpersonal nature.
Even though the war is over, Tommy will &#8216;relive&#8217; the traumatic events he experienced.

The Traumatic Event

Because of the horrors he experienced, and due to the nature of his day-to-day life, Tommy is often hyperaroused. He feels on edge and often experiences intrusive thoughts, which can come in the form of flashbacks, creating <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/panic-attacks/">panic</a>. This makes him feel out of control. Control is something he values highly, especially due to his difficult start in life.
He hates that he can become easily startled. He also feels frustrated that he&#8217;s unable to sleep. He often has trouble sleeping because he is hyperaroused and even when he falls asleep, he wakes up with terrifying nightmares about what happened to him and what he witnessed. It feels like he is reliving the experience all over again.
So he often wakes up, with a rapid heartbeat, and realises he is sweating and shaking. Physical symptoms like these can occur during waking life too when a person is reminded of the traumatic experience, for Tommy, the battle. 
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dfjKjMc39Wo?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Physiological Symptoms

Tommy often experiences very negative thoughts about himself. He feels guilty that he survived and others didn&#8217;t, believing he deserved to die and often wishing he had. There appears to be some depression at times, and suicidal ideation, all of which are compounded by one of his coping strategies; <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">substance misuse</a>.
Tommy is ashamed he survived and also that he cannot just &#8220;get on with it and be okay&#8221;. This has left him feeling hopeless and resigned to his misery. Tommy has a lot to handle. His family depends on him, but it&#8217;s difficult for him to focus and make decisions. This further increases his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">feelings of failure</a>.
These feelings, alongside insomnia and panic make Tommy irritable, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anger/">angry</a> which can make him reckless and self-destructive.

Emotional Symptoms

Tommy uses work as a distraction. Distraction is a form of avoidance. The more we avoid, the further down the spiral we go. This means issues are not dealt with and are there waiting to be triggered.
Another form of avoidance is Tommy&#8217;s use of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">alcohol and cigarettes</a>. These help him numb his feelings, and for a (short) time, feel some easement. More on this later&#8230;
Tommy avoids going to certain places and people &#8211; in fact, anything that might trigger a flashback, memory, and panic symptoms. This limits his lifeworld in ways and also maintains the problem. 
Tommy experiences a detached way of being in many of his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. He holds people at a certain distance, sharing only parts of himself and this demonstrates his fragmentation which requires integration. 
Anti-social behaviour: Although this is not strictly caused by Tommy&#8217;s PTSD, it does impact it. Tommy partakes in criminal activities and other forms of anti-social behaviour. His external world is chaotic, unpredictable, violent, stressful, and frightening, mirroring his inner world of flashbacks and nightmares, which relate to the war.

Behavioural Symptoms

Tommy uses <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">alcohol</a> (whisky, neat) and he smokes. Aside from the obvious physical health implications, there exist emotional and psychological impacts as well. But Tommy isn&#8217;t aware that there is a cost to alcohol&#8217;s soporific effect. Even though it helps him feel drowsy and welcomed into the bosom of sleep&#8230;it&#8217;s not restful.
Because alcohol inhibits regular sleep cycles by disrupting the normal pattern of light and deep sleep. People may wake up during the night, which means sleep is interrupted. Each time they wake up, the sleep cycle resets, starting again from light sleep. 
This means they are precluded from deeper sleep which is needed to feel rested. So Tommy wakes up tired, and even more irritable, and this lack of sleep wears down his ability to regulate his mood and emotions, making him feel less resilient and more vulnerable.
Alcohol impacts brain chemistry and therefore neural activity. So even though people like Tommy take alcohol for emotional comfort, this is misguided because it offers only short-term relief. Over time, more alcohol is required to soothe because tolerance has developed. 
And alcohol is a depressant so it slows basic functions, including motor function, affect, speech, reflexes, reactions, and general movement. It also distorts perceptions of immediate surroundings, and people. We are less able to think clearly and make well-informed decisions, based on clear judgments.
Cigarettes can also be a misguided attempt at relieving stress and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>. This is because of the chemical nicotine, which is both a depressant and a stimulant. Nicotine causes the release of the hormone epinephrine, creating a stimulant effect on the nervous system. 
People become addicted to the drug because they enjoy the initial feeling it gives them. But anxiety is exacerbated rather than relieved by the stimulant effect, and yet the behaviour is reinforced due to short-term pleasure and addiction.

Substance Misuse 

So life quality suffers because Tommy does not create opportunites for pleasure but perhaps also cannot experience it. This is because Tommy buries and compartmentalises his feelings, which allows him to cope. Alcohol helps him avoid his feelings, as does his obsession with work, another distraction. Day-to-day functioning is impaired in many ways. 
Unfortunately, this strategy provides no long-term solution. Tommy is at a dead-end of loneliness, pain, and misery.

Daily Functioning

It&#8217;s easy to see why people like Tommy, who experience PTSD due to traumatic events might turn to alcohol or drugs. But this increases mental health problems because it exacerbates them and can lead to severe anxiety, panic, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/why-is-suicide-so-prevalent-in-kpop-rip-moon-bin/">suicidal ideation</a> &#8211; as seen with Tommy. It is important instead to seek out a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">mental health professional</a> who can offer treatment options for people with PTSD.
Treatments for PTSD include group therapy, or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/emdr-therapy/">EMDR</a>). These are more well-known options for trauma, however, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">other options</a> can work just as well and should also be considered, based on individual needs and goals.

Treating PTSD

Edgewood Health Network. (n.d.). Is Alcohol a Stimulant or a Depressant? Retrieved from 

Ochsner Health. (n.d.). Tobacco-Free Living: The Legacy - Tobacco-Free Resources. Retrieved from 

Reynolds, G. (2022, January 25). Alcohol Disrupts Sleep Regulation. The New York Times. Retrieved from 

PTSD: Case Study of Thomas Shelby

POCD, otherwise known as paedophile-themed <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/obsessive-compulsive-disorders-ocd/">obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)</a> is a relatively recently categorised form of OCD. OCD is a mental health disorder characterised by obsessive unwanted and therefore intrusive thoughts and feelings, and compulsive responses (behaviours), due to those thoughts. Compulsions can take the form of cognitive (thinking) responses, for example, counting or reassuring oneself. Or behavioural ones, which might involve checking, washing, or repeatedly turning a light switch on and off, depending on the fears related to the obsession (for example, safety, contamination, etc). Normally, OCD treatment comprises of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/cbt-birmingham/">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)</a>, including exposure and response prevention (ERP). As POCD is a subtype of OCD, CBT and ERP therapy are also treatments for POCD.

What is POCD?

People with OCD and specifically, a person with POCD will often experience an <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/identity-issues/">impact to identity</a> because sufferers do not feel in control and are compelled to act out behaviours in an attempt to feel a sense of control. Ironically however, this very compulsion demonstrates a lack of control, guided by anxiety. When living with POCD, the sufferer experiences an obsessive fear about being a paedophile or becoming one, which is hugely threatening to identity. This is due to the repeated unwanted sexual thoughts about children, which are experienced as incredibly confusing, upsetting, and horrifying.
POCD is possibly the worst type of OCD for sufferers because it is the most horrifying obsession one might imagine.  Paedophiles are detested by society and usually by the sufferer, so the fear of being a paedophile is incredibly intense. Indeed, the worst forms of OCD are combined in POCD, that is, a fear of hurting vulnerable people (Harm-OCD), the fear of being attracted to someone we shouldn’t be (Sexual Orientation-OCD), and a fear of breaking the strictest codes of society (moral scrupulosity).

The Impact 

<ul>
<li>Typical POCD thoughts, images, or sensations involve harming children, and are sexual and feel intrusive in nature</li>
<li>Innocent childhood memories can surface and take a sinister tone. For one client who had recently become a mother for the second time, a common sexual childhood game was recalled, causing her to fear she was a paedophile</li>
<li>Remembering a childhood crush when one was a child themselves can become distorted and feel to the thinker like a suppressed paedophilic memory</li>
<li>Some sufferers’ intrusive paedophilic-themed thoughts do not necessarily mean they fear they are a paedophile, rather, that these thoughts will prevent them from being happy, or gradually even turn them into a paedophile</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">Victims of childhood sexual abuse</a> can believe they will do the same to a child</li>
<li>Sufferers can misconstrue thoughts about a child’s appearance, for example a child’s perceived beauty or cuteness as being indicative of sexual intentions</li>
<li>Inadvertent physical contact with a child is believed to be intentional and driven by pleasure</li>
<li>Some sufferers begin to obsessively experience false memories (about having harmed a child) which they believe were repressed, causing worry</li>
<li>Any positive thoughts or feelings towards children are feared to be sexual in nature</li>
<li>Worries that noticing adult characteristics in young and developing children, such as the way they are dressed, or body parts indicates paedophilia</li>
<li>Second guessing behaviours and intentions toward their own children, or around children they know, which they never would have before (for example, why did I give him that toy, I must be trying to groom him)</li>
</ul>

What POCD Sufferers Think

<ul>
<li>Sufferers might start to avoid children</li>
<li>Things that remind of children, and therefore trigger thoughts will be avoided (like children’s TV shows)</li>
<li>Being very conscious of how to interact with children and therefore holding them in very deliberate ways, so that the child cannot brush genitalia</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">Intimacy and sex with one’s partner</a> might be avoided due to a fear of paedophilic thoughts</li>
<li>An individual will start to think about all their behaviour around children as being ill-intended and questionable, when previously, the same behaviour would be perfectly acceptable (such as doing or saying something nice to a child they know)</li>
<li>Telling close friends or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> about paedophilic thoughts so others can reassure them they have paedophilia OCD, rather than are a paedophile, and that their behaviour is not viewed as inappropriate, which means they are not a paedophile</li>
<li>Reassuring oneself about having confessed their thoughts to others, as this means they are not hiding anything</li>
<li>Another form of reassurance is to repeat a behaviour to prove to themselves that no wrong or sexual act took place. For example, interacting with a child more than they normally might, or picking up and putting down a child repeatedly</li>
<li>Obsessively researching about POCD and actual paedophilia to differentiate between the two</li>
<li>Keeping records of where one has been to confirm and reassure that one has not molested a child</li>
<li>Checking if being around children, or having thoughts of them results in arousal in the groin or anywhere else</li>
<li>Imagining and checking for signs of abuse in children when with them</li>
<li>Taking extra precautions around children, like putting trousers on to go to the bathroom at night, rather than passing a child’s room in boxers shorts</li>
</ul>

How POCD Sufferers Behave

Clearly POCD is a highly distressing condition. Do check out <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/paedophilic-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-pocd-ii/">Part II</a> which explores the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">help available to sufferers</a>.

Coming Up Next Time....

Hershfield, J. (2015). POCD: What Is Pedophile-Themed Obsessive-Compulsivesorder?. Sheppard Pratt. Retrieved 27 January 2022, from 

Tallis, F. (1996). Understanding obsessions and compulsions (3rd ed.). Sheldon.

Paedophilic Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (POCD) I

As therapists or helpers, it&#8217;s likely we&#8217;ve all experienced imposter syndrome at some point in our careers. This is effectively about feelings of self-doubt. For example, some clients may seem resistant to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and unable to engage in the process, and some may push us beyond our limits and respond in ways we don&#8217;t expect. Or there are those clients who can make us feel as if we aren’t doing enough for them, that we should be doing more, making us forget that we aren’t supposed to ‘fix them’ or take on their responsibilities. And then there are those whose stories are so harrowing and devastating that we become uncertain about our ability to hold ‘their stuff’. None of these reasons are the client&#8217;s fault, but they can make us feel deskilled and inadequate.

The Many Reasons Psychotherapists May Experience Self-Doubt

These and other scenarios can make us feel incapable and even unwilling to traverse the depths of our field. We can experience analysis paralysis, whereby we are stopped in our tracks and consumed by overthinking. But just as we might encourage our client who is standing hesitantly at the cusp of a therapeutic breakthrough, to continue, we must also find the courage to keep calm and carry on, by confronting and tackling our own insecurities and professional self-doubt. Yes, having <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/learning-to-live-honestly/">humility</a> and the right attitude toward it is a positive thing. It can spur change, and our clients should change us. They help us learn about ourselves, and in so doing, learn how to provide better care for them.

The Impact

Overcoming self-doubt should be done responsibly, with the necessary support, such as regular supervision, speaking with colleagues, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> support, and self-care. This is because, it is during these testing times that we decide whether we are going to break or bend with the wind, and therefore grow as professionals, and as people.

Ways To Overcome Self-Doubt

So how might we overcome our doubts and fears? First and foremost, we must explore what it is in the client that causes such a visceral response in us. What is it about them, their personality, the way they are in relation, how they operate in therapy and the world, or ‘their stuff’ that is meeting with us and resulting in a chaotic reaction within? Indeed, we may recognise that their situation is too close to home for us, or that they themselves, are very similar to us. We may even be in denial about the similarity if they hold qualities that are a part of our own shadow, the part of ourselves we do not know or want to know. It could be that the client reminds us of someone else in our lives, perhaps they are similar to an attachment figure. Or, perhaps we genuinely do feel out of our depth with this person and her story, and this knowledge is creating a need to avoid confrontation of it because of its implications.

Questions To Ponder

That’s right, when we experience our breakthroughs, with ourselves, and therefore our more challenging cases, or clients, we have learned something that will serve us in multifarious ways. For example, we can gain confidence because we’ve learned something that makes us more capable, we build resilience, and all of these offer incredible reward from the accomplishment of having done our very best by our client. These are just some ways in which overcoming <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-understanding-your-anxiety-response-will-empower-you/">our fears</a> and self-doubts can serve us.

What This Does

Undoubtedly, in these situations, we must behave ethically and responsibly, toward our clients, and ourselves, and exploration of the issues can make for some difficult realisations and therefore, decisions. But all is not lost. There is always something to be gained, even in times when we might feel defeated, and as long as we do not overlook the lesson, we have become quite rich indeed.
As therapists, we aim to help individuals confront their fears and pain, how can we hope to facilitate this kind of courage if we are immobilised in the face of our challenges? The answer is simply that we cannot and therefore should not even try. So it is important to know what to do when we are feeling vulnerable because of a particular client, or issue.
Ultimately, it’s about what will best serve our client. Sometimes, it can be useful to share our feelings about the client or her therapeutic process with her, but this is only true if we are doing it for her and her therapy. That is, will sharing this helps us move forward together? Will we be able to learn something new and useful by exploring the stuckness we feel?
I think it’s important to communicate to our client that we want to work through it with them, and for them, this intention should always be conveyed. But, ultimately, it is not enough if we are not able to sufficiently help. This is when we must be honest to and for our client in the most sensitive, careful, and responsible way. Even if we cannot work together anymore, this will still be a kind of progress; because the client can find someone more suitable, and as <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">practitioners</a>, we can develop in the ways we have identified.

It’s Always About The Client

Even though this article is mainly aimed at <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapists</a>, I would also urge any clients who feel they’re at an impasse with their therapy or therapist to open the dialogue; your therapist will likely be feeling this too and should take your input in the spirit intended because it’s about what YOU need from your therapy. And as ethical, responsible, and humble practitioners, we must continuously strive to ensure our clients receive the best care possible. This requires open and honest dialogue between therapist and self, and therapist and client.

Open & Honest Dialogue

The Value Of Confronting Self-Doubt As A Psychotherapist

It&#8217;s quite common for one person to have doubts about <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and there are many reasons why one person might be reluctant. For example, some people feel threatened by the idea of entering into therapy and having marriage counselling sessions, believing it signifies the end of the relationship by revealing they are incompatible with their partner. Some simply find the idea of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship counselling</a> daunting, uncomfortable, or humiliating. Some people have already tried therapy sessions and had a negative experience. For instance they may have found it unhelpful, that it made their situation worse, or felt as though the previous couples therapist and their partner ganged up on them. All of these fears are understandable. However, it&#8217;s important to consider that unless we attempt to overcome such issues and get the right support, we risk stagnation and remaining in an unhappy, and dysfunctional situation.

When One Of Us Doesn't Want To Take Part In Therapy

It&#8217;s quite common for couples to believe that their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">relationship problems</a> arise because the other person is at fault in some way, and that the mental health professional should aim to fix the partner. However, it&#8217;s very likely that we play down our own role in the situation. A <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">good therapist</a> will aim to understand relationship issue(s) from both sides and show both partners the other&#8217;s position. They will also emphasise how each position makes sense to each person, with the aim of helping couples to empathise and understand the other’s view. A good exercise that therapists sometimes use in couples therapy is to ask each person what they themselves need to do to become a more effective partner. This is useful because it shifts the idea of being passive and expecting our partner to change, we can realise that there are also things that we can do to help.

When I Think The Problem Is My Partner

It can feel worrying for individuals when they believe they&#8217;re more committed to the relationship than their partner is, and it may surprise you to learn that sometimes the less committed person is also bothered by their own lack of commitment because it indicates to them that something is not quite right, making them feel uneasy. However, according to Dr Wile, for the purposes of couples therapy it can actually be quite helpful to have one partner who is more committed. He argues that the enthusiasm of the more motivated person can be used to drive real change and help improve the situation, such that it can encourage the less committed partner and help the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationship</a> overall.

When One Of Us Is More Committed Than The Other

One of you may be more interested in working on the sexual relationship, while the other is focused on issues around <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">managing the children</a>, or chores. Therapy may help you help your spouse to understand what feels important to you, and vice versa. Dr Wile highlights that we should not wait for our partner’s motivation or level of commitment to catch up to our own, as this delays our own willingness to take the lead in change. It&#8217;s also important to realise that an apparent lack of commitment may not signify a lack of commitment to the relationship, but rather to the issue being tackled in therapy. Therapy can be incredibly useful because it allows couples to come to new understandings and compromise about things that at face value may seem quite discouraging.

When We're Focused On Different Issues

Look out for Part III of this article (How Couples Therapy Can Help) which will discuss clarifies what couples therapy is, how it works, and what it has to offer, to enable informed decision making for those considering <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">couples</a> work.

Next In The Series...

An Introduction To Couples Therapy: Part II Doubts About Counselling

Founder, Rehanna Kauser welcomes you to Phinity and our homepage.

A Warm Welcome From Phinity Therapy

Rehanna discusses some of the issues we work with at Phinity Therapy.

Rehanna Talks Issues

Rehanna briefly discusses some of Phinity’s mental health services and the kind of care you can expect.

Rehanna Discusses Phinity Services

Most of us know about the stage theory of grief (i.e., the 7 stages) but do you know how to move through the stages in a healthier way? This video discusses a lesser known grief model to help process human loss.
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At Phinity Therapy Birmingham, we offer bereavement counselling, including existential psychotherapy, and CBT.

The HEALTHIER WAY To Grieve

So many mental health professionals aren&#8217;t there! Do you know what the differences are between a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-counsellor-psychiatrist-psychotherapist-and-psychologist/">counsellor, psychologist, and psychiatrist?</a> Learn now so you can judge best who can support your therapeutic needs!

What Your THERAPIST'S TITLE REALLY MEANS!

This is a question we should all know the answer to if we drink the poison. Why? Because we&#8217;re all at risk of alcoholism. This is because anyone can become addicted to almost anything. And the causes of alcohol addiction are just that, plural. So, this article is important for us all. Even if you think you have a healthy or &#8216;good&#8217; relationship with alcohol, do read on. Indeed, you might just learn that your relationship with alcohol is not quite what you think or hope it is. This is because of how normalised alcohol is in many societies. However, it IS a drug, and the only hope of preventing alcoholism is by knowing what is alcoholism, about symptoms of alcoholism, the causes of alcohol addiction, and the causes of alcohol dependence (because they are somewhat different). And of course, how to enjoy a healthy and respectful relationship with the substance.

What causes alcohol addiction? 

So what is alcoholism? It&#8217;s a psychiatric disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition. According to the DSM-5, alcohol use disorder, or AUD is a chronic, relapsing condition. People with alcohol use disorder consume alcohol compulsively and uncontrollably, this is referred to as alcohol abuse. Now you may not view your consumption of alcohol in this way, but you&#8217;re not off the hook that easy. You must learn the symptoms of alcohol abuse and alcoholism to grasp your risk level, so let&#8217;s understand it a bit better.
In a nutshell, you may be at risk of AUD if you experience strong cravings for alcohol due to physical dependence, and psychological dependence. Both kinds lead to tolerance and withdrawal symptoms when alcohol use is reduced or stopped. Then there are the ways alcohol can severely affect various parts of a person&#8217;s life, including relationships, work, physical health, and mental wellbeing. If any of this sounds familiar to you and you continue to drink, you may have AUD or be at risk of developing it so it&#8217;s important to assess your drinking habits honestly.
According to the DSM, there are 11 criteria, and if an individual meets at least two of these within 12 months, they receive a diagnosis of AUD. Furthermore, one&#8217;s AUD is judged mild to severe based on how many of the criteria are experienced. So let&#8217;s look a the criteria for diagnosing AUD:

What is Alcoholism?

<ul>
<li>Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.</li>
<li>There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.</li>
<li>A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.</li>
<li>Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.</li>
<li>Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfil major role obligations at work, school, or home.</li>
<li>Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.</li>
<li>Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.</li>
<li>Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.</li>
<li>Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.</li>
<li>Tolerance, as defined by either: a) a need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect, or b) a markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.</li>
<li>Withdrawal, as manifested by either: a) the characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol, or b) alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.</li>
</ul>

Signs and Symptoms of Alcoholism

The causes of alcohol addiction are many and complex. Indeed, our brains have a reward centre that if activated when drinking alcohol, will make it highly addictive. This is because the reward centre releases dopamine when we do something that feels pleasurable or rewarding in some way. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (i.e., a chemical messenger) that makes us feel good. You might assume the release of dopamine can only be a good thing, right? Wrong &#8211; because when we drink alcohol regularly, we experience neuroadaptation. Essentially the body&#8217;s natural baseline level of dopamine is reduced to compensate for the higher levels of dopamine due to drinking. And because we aren&#8217;t getting as much of this feel-good hormone naturally, we need more alcohol to achieve the same level of pleasure, otherwise known as tolerance. Alcohol addiction causes and effects also play a part in one&#8217;s risk of addiction because alcohol also affects other neurotransmitters that are involved with mood and behaviour regulation.  causes of alcohol addiction can also impact it. Now we turn to other factors that cause AUD. For example, environmental factors like peer pressure, or societal norms can influence how vulnerable one becomes to addiction, as can genetic predispositions.

Why Is Alcohol Addictive?

<h3>Biological Factors</h3>
Addiction to alcohol causes can be biological. For example, if AUD runs in the family, a genetic predisposition may be the reason. Biological differences also impact how your body metabolises (i.e., breaks down and processes) alcohol. Biological variances also play a role in how one person&#8217;s brain responds to alcohol compared to another&#8217;s, making some people more susceptible to alcoholism. As mentioned, alcohol also alters brain chemistry by affecting neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, reinforcing addictive behaviours. Another biological factor that affects addiction is differences in brain structure or function. For example, abnormalities in the reward pathway or the prefrontal cortex could contribute to alcoholism. Comorbid mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder can often coexist with alcoholism, and both conditions may be impacted by biological factors. If alcohol exposure occurs during critical periods of brain development (e.g., adolescence), alcoholism may develop in later life. Furthermore, changes in gene expression or function (i.e., epigenetic mechanisms) can be influenced by the environment, possibly impacting biological vulnerability to alcoholism.
<h3>Psychological Factors</h3>
Addiction to alcohol causes are also impacted by psychological factors. Preventing alcoholism is not so easy to do if one is unaware of one&#8217;s psychological vulnerability to alcoholism. For example, some people associate alcohol with release so use it as a way to de-stress, or avoid emotional pain and trauma. This indicates that alcohol has become a coping mechanism, which makes one more at risk if there exist co-occurring mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some people seek comfort in alcohol; it can help them avoid confronting their low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, or lack of direction, purpose, or meaning in life. Alcoholism psychological factors can also be influenced by peer pressure or societal norms that promote heavy drinking. Causes of alcohol dependence can also develop if you have certain personality traits like impulsivity, sensation-seeking, or emotion dysregulation. In addition, childhood experiences may play a role in the later development of alcoholism if, for example, you witnessed signs of alcohol abuse in parents or dysfunctional family dynamics. So the addiction to alcohol causes are many and we will now discuss each in more detail.
<h3>Environmental Factors</h3>
When considering what causes alcohol addiction we have to consider the many causes of alcohol addiction that can be found in one&#8217;s environment. Wider cultural attitudes and norms about alcohol can also impact how you perceive and behave when it comes to drinking. Peer pressure and societal ones also contribute to that high tolerance and need for more if one succumbs to them. If alcohol has become a coping mechanism for life stressors, then life and living are risk factors. This is why those who suffer socioeconomically due to things like poverty, unemployment, or lack of access to resources and support, are at risk. But, conversely, if alcohol is easily availed and afforded, there is a higher risk too, especially because of marketing and advertising of alcohol, which can encourage drinking via suggestibility and glamorisation. Addiction to alcohol causes also relates to family dynamics as mentioned. This is because parental alcoholism or dysfunctional family relationships can create an environment conducive to alcohol abuse and addiction. So if alcohol was normalised in your family and made available to you, it could seem like a benign, harmless thing.
<h3>Social and Cultural Factors</h3>
The causes of alcohol dependence can be significantly affected by social and cultural factors. This is because of how these shape attitudes, behaviours, and patterns of alcohol consumption. Taking alcohol is, for example, impacted by how acceptable and prevalent alcohol is in cultural traditions, which vary widely. For example, in some cultures drinking socially is the norm, whereas in others it&#8217;s restricted and even forbidden. Socialising with particular people in one&#8217;s social group can encourage drinking because alcohol becomes linked with social interactions and bonding. Income and education level can intersect with social and cultural influences, also affecting how alcohol is present in one’s social circles and life. Another social and cultural factor is family. For example, dynamics and cultural expectations about gender roles can influence how alcohol is used within households, contributing to alcohol problems which can be difficult to spot and admit to due to cultural beliefs and the stigma associated with alcoholism. Young adults and vulnerable people can be more easily influenced by alcohol availability and marketing tactics.
<h3>Personality Factors</h3>
Preventing alcoholism is more challenging when personality traits such as impulsivity, sensation-seeking, and risk-taking are at work because these often co-occur with problematic drinking patterns. If someone is affected by certain conditions like low self-esteem, a sense of inadequacy, or problems managing their emotions, they may turn to alcohol to cope with stress or difficult emotions. Some people are sensitive to reward or sensation-seeking behaviour, making them seek out the pleasurable effects of alcohol, leading to increased risk. Certain personality disorders, like antisocial personality or borderline personality disorder, can exacerbate the risk and symptoms of alcoholism as well. Genetic predispositions may interact with personality to influence alcohol use and dependence. Furthermore, personality traits can also make response to treatment, recovery efforts, and sobriety more challenging.

Causes of Alcoholism

<h3>Drinking at an Early Age</h3>
Causes of alcoholism are significantly impacted by drinking at an early age, leading to significant risk. One reason is that early alcohol use can disrupt brain development, particularly in regions involved in decision-making and impulse control, this increases vulnerability to addiction. Those who start drinking before the age of 15 are also more likely to develop alcohol dependence later in life. This is in part because brain chemistry is altered during adolescence, which increases the chances of developing tolerance and dependence. Causes of alcohol addiction in adolescents also include peer pressure and social influences which can cause early initiation of alcohol use, especially because of the need for acceptance and social belonging at this stage in development. Family dynamics, parental alcohol use, and modelling behaviour also influence when young people start drinking and the risk of alcoholism in later life.
<h3>Family History</h3>
So let’s review how addiction to alcohol causes relates to one&#8217;s family of origin. When people witness signs of alcohol abuse in their parents or close relatives they are at higher risk of developing AUD because they develop within an environment in which they see drinking behaviours modelled, which is one way children learn how to behave. Indeed, children of alcoholics can perceive alcohol as normal and acceptable because it is a constant in their lives. For example, witnessing parents deal with stress by using alcohol can create a belief that this is how to deal with stress. Causes of alcohol dependence may also be influenced by genetics as mentioned, making the condition of AUD inheritable, when combined with modelling behaviours. Preventing alcoholism is helped by early recognition of family history as a risk factor for alcoholism, as this informs tailored treatment.
<h3>Stress</h3>
Signs of alcohol abuse are often linked to stress, which is a risk factor for alcoholism when this becomes the usual way to &#8220;take the edge off&#8221; or &#8220;wind down after a hard day&#8221;. This risk factor can be subtle when alcohol use becomes a part of one&#8217;s normal lifestyle. Individuals begin to use alcohol as a way of coping with or relieving tension and stress. Chronic stress can have a dysregulating effect on the body&#8217;s anxiety response system which can also create vulnerability to AUD. Problematic associations with alcohol can develop and become worsened by stressful life events, like trauma, loss, or financial problems because of the numbing effect of alcohol. This offers relief for a short time but creates the potential for long-term dependence because individuals are unable to learn to tolerate or work through their emotional challenges. This can be exacerbated if there is a comorbid mental health disorder, such as depression or anxiety. So treating and preventing alcoholism can be helped by learning healthier coping strategies for managing stress.
<h3>Peer Pressure</h3>
Many social groups normalise the use of alcohol as a means of socialising, celebrating, or bonding so social influences in the form of peer pressure are a significant contributor to the development of alcoholism. Peer pressure does not have to be overt; it can also be subtle. For example, in certain social settings, people may feel more pressured to drink alcohol due to a need to fit in, feel accepted, and avoid social exclusion. This can be especially true for younger people, for whom the question of &#8220;What is alcoholism?&#8221; may never have crossed their mind or lips, as easily as alcohol does. Drinking behaviours can become normalised and shaped at this time due to a need for approval and the pressure of expectations around drinking. This kind of peer pressure can encourage heavy alcohol consumption in the form of binge drinking, in which individuals drink beyond their limits. Due to the complexities surrounding social influences, and pressures from within and without, it is important for individuals to develop resistance skills and assertiveness techniques. These can help them to make healthier choices regarding alcohol consumption.
<h3>Mental Health</h3>
Signs of being an alcoholic are often indicators that something deeper is going on. For example, people who feel depressed, anxious, or experience other mood disorders like bipolar, or anxiety disorders like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as personality disorders, often experience issues with alcohol or other drugs. Trauma, abuse, or adverse childhood experiences can also play a role in the development of mental health disorders and alcoholism which becomes a way to relieve symptoms in the shorter term but often aggravates underlying issues. This also creates dependency because alcohol becomes a form of self-medicating and a coping mechanism. A further complication for those with mental health problems is the potential to mix alcohol with psychotropic medication they may be prescribed for their mental health. Alcohol can interfere with the function of the medication and worsen mental health symptoms which makes recovery harder. When there are co-occurring problems like mental health problems and alcoholism, integrated therapy can help to address both.
<h3>Traumatic Experiences</h3>
Addiction to alcohol causes can often be traced back to traumatic experiences which create significant risk. People who have experienced trauma might use alcohol to cope because it can numb their emotional pain. This means that people who have experienced any kind of trauma, including physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, combat trauma, natural disasters, or accidents, are at increased risk of developing AUD. The unfortunate outcome of this strategy is it creates a catch-22. For example, someone with PTSD or other trauma-related mental health issues might want to minimise their anxiety by taking alcohol but this creates a dependency and addiction that worsens their symptoms in the longer term due to the effect alcohol has on the production of mood-regulating and stress hormones, causing the need for more alcohol in the misguided attempt to self-soothe. Indeed, trauma itself can disrupt brain chemistry and functioning, increasing vulnerability to addictive behaviours and maladaptive coping strategies but alcohol also adversely affects brain chemistry. Again, integrated treatment is required for trauma and alcoholism to address both the underlying trauma and substance use. Trauma-informed care recognises the impact of trauma on individuals and emphasises safety, trust, and empowerment.
<h3>Self-Esteem Issues</h3>
The list of the causes of alcohol dependence would not be complete without the mention of self-esteem. When people do not feel adequate or worthwhile, they may resort to drugs like alcohol to cope with unpleasant thoughts and feelings about themselves. To complicate matters further, people with low self-esteem can be more vulnerable to peer pressure due to a need to please. They may also use alcohol in social situations when they feel anxious and unconfident due to their experience of low self-esteem. As understandable as this may be, it is a short-sighted strategy which leads to reliance on alcohol to bolster self-esteem in tough situations, causing dependence over time. Furthermore, when people are affected by alcohol, judgement becomes impaired, affecting decision-making too. This can further harm self-esteem due to the risky behaviours that might occur when under the influence. When working with the co-morbidity of low self-esteem and alcoholism, it is helpful to address the cause (low self-esteem), and the impact (alcoholism). This can help nurture healthier ways of coping to enhance self-esteem, and confidence via positive self-talk, self-care, compassion, and self-acceptance.
<h3>Personal Choice</h3>
As much as it is true that alcoholism is a disease and a mental health struggle, it is also important to consider personal choice. At some point, before a person becomes dependent and addicted to alcohol, they experience the symptoms and signs of alcohol abuse. They notice the problems, if for example, someone has brought it to their attention, or because they&#8217;re drinking covertly and ignoring their conflicting feelings about it. Ultimately, they decide whether to drink alcohol, how much, and how often. Things like upbringing, values, beliefs, and attitudes towards alcohol influence personal choices when it comes to drinking. And although people have agency in their decisions, they are often influenced by the things already mentioned, like peer pressure, societal norms, and environmental factors. It should also be remembered that genetic, biological, psychological, and social factors also interact with personal choice due to the vulnerability to alcoholism. Notwithstanding, acknowledging one&#8217;s responsibility and agency in decisions that relate to alcohol is an important aspect of prevention and recovery. This can lead to a sense of control and empowerment, such that informed choices about alcohol use are made, due to the development of healthier alternatives toward responsible drinking or abstinence.
<h3>Taking Alcohol With Medication</h3>
Mixing alcohol with medication can have serious and harmful consequences. Interaction effects mean that the medication&#8217;s effectiveness might be altered, side effects could increase, or dangerous reactions could occur. With some medications, like antidepressants, antipsychotics, sedatives, and painkillers, the medication’s effects can be increased leading to drowsiness, impaired coordination, or respiratory depression. The metabolism and absorption of certain medications can also be impacted when mixed with alcohol, affecting potency and duration of action. Chronic alcohol also damages the liver and other organs. This reduces the body&#8217;s ability to safely metabolise medication. Due to these reasons, it is often recommended that individuals do not mix medication and alcohol, especially if the medication&#8217;s patient information leaflet states this.
<h3>Frequent Alcohol Consumption Over Time</h3>
Taking alcohol often causes a significant risk for the development of alcoholism. As discussed, drinking heavily regularly builds alcohol tolerance, necessitating larger amounts of alcohol to achieve the same &#8220;buzz&#8221;. Chronically using alcohol can create physical dependence. This means the body has adapted and experiences withdrawal symptoms if alcohol intake reduces or stops. Psychological dependence can also develop from frequent drinking, this is when individuals rely on alcohol to cope with stress, difficult emotions, or social situations. Habitual use can lead to the deterioration of physical health, including liver damage, cardiovascular problems, and increased risk of cancer over time. Signs of alcohol abuse also include impaired cognitive function, memory, and decision-making abilities. These affect various aspects of daily life and functioning like social, occupational, and interpersonal consequences, leading to strained relationships, financial difficulties, and legal issues. When people still cannot stop drinking even though they are impacted in real-world ways, this is a sure sign of being an alcoholic.

Alcoholism Risk Factors

So there are many reasons for preventing alcoholism. In therapy, this can be done in different ways. For example, if you&#8217;re concerned about your use of alcohol and wish to make changes to your relationship with it, therapy can play a key role in preventing alcoholism by addressing the underlying psychological, emotional, and behavioural aspects at work. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) can help identify and challenge unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours that relate to the use of alcohol. Motivational interviewing is another technique that can increase the readiness to change and commitment to reducing or abstaining from alcohol. Therapy also provides a supportive environment for exploring and resolving issues such as trauma, stress, or low self-esteem that might be contributing to the problem. Another form of therapy that can help is family therapy. This helps address family dynamics and relationships that could be enabling or exacerbating alcohol misuse.
Therapy aims to equip individuals with coping skills and relapse-prevention strategies to manage triggers and cravings for alcohol. It also supports and creates a sense of accountability. Therapists work with individuals to offer holistic care for alcoholism and any co-occurring mental health problems. It is important to seek help as soon as possible as early intervention offers a preventive element to therapy, helping to develop healthier coping mechanisms and behaviours before alcoholism becomes entrenched.

Preventing Alcoholism via Therapy

We have looked at what is alcoholism and the various factors that underpin this serious and insidious problem. At Phinity Therapy, we specialise in providing evidence-based therapy for anyone struggling with alcoholism. Our therapists are experienced in addressing alcohol addiction causes and effects, including underlying psychological, emotional, and behavioural factors, as described in this article. By exploring the causes of alcohol dependence for you, we will offer a personally tailored treatment plan to meet your specific needs and goals. Alongside alternatives, we also offer cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing, and family therapy. Regardless of the approach, we provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment to explore your relationship with alcohol, develop coping skills, and work toward recovery. So, if you wondered what is alcoholism, hopefully now you have a better idea. Feel free to get in touch if you or a loved one is struggling with alcoholism, we are here to help. Contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation and take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling, and more conscious lifestyle – where you feel in control again.

Find Treatment For Alcoholism

causes-of-alcoholism-blog-1-medium

Causes of Alcoholism - Blog 1 - Medium

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).

Kauser, R. (2024, February 10). How To Stop Alcohol Addiction. Phinity Therapy. 

The Causes of Alcoholism and Effective Solutions

If you&#8217;re reading this then you&#8217;ve probably wondered about how to get rid of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understanding-the-power-of-alcohol-insights-risks-responsibility/">alcohol addiction</a> but you also have to know how to quit alcohol safely if you&#8217;ve developed a full-blown addiction. Alcohol is one of the few substances that can kill you if you attempt to go &#8216;cold turkey&#8217; so you need to know how to stop drinking alcohol if you want to do it safely and successfully.
In this comprehensive article, we&#8217;ll help you identify if you have problems with alcohol. This can be hard to gauge because of how normalised alcohol is in most cultures. We also review the signs of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">alcohol addiction</a> and offer tips so you can learn how to stop drinking alcohol every night, for example. You will also learn the importance of understanding your addiction and setting goals.

Introduction

Before you ask yourself the question &#8220;How do I quit drinking?&#8221; it would help to understand if you have a problem with <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/alcoholism/">alcohol</a>. You may have wondered this because of how you use alcohol but let&#8217;s be specific:
<ul>
<li>if you&#8217;ve noticed that your tolerance for alcohol has increased over time, this means that you need more of the drug to achieve the desired effect. This is normal and does not in itself mean you have a problem with alcoholism. But if you notice physical or emotional symptoms when you try and cut down or stop drinking, you&#8217;ve likely developed a physiological addiction or emotional and psychological dependence.</li>
<li>You may also feel out of control, for example, you fail to limit the frequency and amount you drink so you will likely have tried and failed to cut down or quit.</li>
<li>Another indicator is spending a lot of time obtaining, using, or recovering from the effects of alcohol. When this happens, you may wonder about how to stop drinking but notice that despite the consequences, like neglecting responsibilities or social activities and experiencing physical, mental, or social problems, you still can&#8217;t stop drinking.</li>
<li>If your drinking affects things like work, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a>, or hobbies because you no longer enjoy these and prioritise drinking, and isolate yourself, you are likely dealing with alcoholism.</li>
<li>At this stage you&#8217;re also more likely to take risks, like drunk driving. In such situations, people are usually in denial and behave secretively so think about whether this is what you do.</li>
<li>Another sign of an addiction is deteriorating physical health, such as liver problems or other alcohol-related illnesses. This happens because the person has continued to drink despite ill health. After all, they simply cannot stop.</li>
</ul>

How Do I Know If I’m An Alcoholic?

<h3>Blackouts or Lapses in Memory</h3>
A sure sign it&#8217;s time to think about how to quit alcohol safely is if you experience regular blackouts, or periods of memory loss. These often occur when taking alcohol in excess. Blackouts happen because the brain is unable to form new memories while intoxicated.
<h3>Relationship Problems</h3>
It&#8217;s time to think about how to quit drinking if you&#8217;re having regular conflicts with friends, family, or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/birmingham/couples-counselling/">spouses</a> because of your behaviour, as relates to alcohol. For example, arguments, emotional distance, or a communication breakdown.
<h3>Neglecting Professional and Family Responsibilities</h3>
If you&#8217;re failing to fulfil your obligations toward work or family because of alcohol then it&#8217;s time to consider how to stop drinking alcohol. Examples of problems include absenteeism, neglecting childcare or household responsibilities, or poor <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">job performance.</a>
<h3>Experiencing Withdrawal Symptoms</h3>
As mentioned, withdrawal symptoms indicate physical alcohol dependence which means it&#8217;s hard to quit immediately. Withdrawal symptoms can include tremors, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, nausea, sweating, irritability, and insomnia when attempting to cut down or stop drinking. So the aim might initially be about how to stop drinking alcohol every night, rather than quit instantly.
<h3>Alcohol Poisoning Symptoms</h3>
Alcohol poisoning is severe and can be life-threatening. Symptoms include confusion, vomiting, seizures, slow or irregular breathing, and unconsciousness. Emergency medical attention is essential when this happens. So it&#8217;s crucial to learn how to quit drinking if you experience alcohol poisoning on a somewhat regular basis.
<h3>Physical Health Issues</h3>
Long-term alcohol use can lead to many health problems. These include liver disease, cardiovascular issues, pancreatitis, weakened immune system, and an increased risk of certain cancers. These are very serious and life-threatening, so if you&#8217;re concerned, it might be important to consider how to quit alcohol.
<h3>Mental Health Issues</h3>
Alcohol abuse is linked to mental health problems like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">depression</a>, anxiety, and an increased risk of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/why-is-suicide-so-prevalent-in-kpop-rip-moon-bin/">suicide</a>. Alcoholism exacerbates existing mental health conditions or contributes to the development of new ones. The addiction itself is a mental health issue, so it&#8217;s important to learn how to get rid of alcohol addiction if you&#8217;re struggling with this and other mental health problems.
<h3>Financial Problems</h3>
If you spend a considerable amount of money on alcohol, you&#8217;re possibly going to end up with financial problems. It&#8217;s time to ask yourself &#8220;How do I quit drinking?&#8220; if you&#8217;re essentially neglecting financial responsibilities, accumulating debt, or experiencing economic hardship because of an alcohol habit, which only hinders your ability to improve the situation.
<h3>Isolation and Social Withdrawal</h3>
If you&#8217;re avoiding social activities and withdrawing from friends and family because you&#8217;d rather drink, you may need to seriously consider how to stop drinking. Social withdrawal often leads to feelings of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/isolation-loneliness/">loneliness</a> and makes mental health issues worse.
<h3>Legal Issues</h3>
You must get help with how to stop drinking alcohol if you find yourself engaging in risky behaviours when under the influence of alcohol. Especially if you consider the legal ramifications of this. For example, driving under the influence, public intoxication, or other alcohol-related offenses can all land you in legal trouble, and may even lead to  your death, or the death of someone else.
<h3>Decline in Personal Hygiene</h3>
You know you have a problem and may need to think about how to stop drinking alcohol every night if you&#8217;re neglecting personal care, hygiene, and grooming because of alcohol misuse. This is because over-consumption of alcohol can create a lack of attention to self-care because of the preoccupation with drinking.
<h3>Loss of Interest in Hobbies and Activities</h3>
Losing interest in activities that were once enjoyable or fulfilling because you prioritise alcohol and can only enjoy yourself when drinking is a sure sign that you need to get help with how to quit drinking. This is a vicious cycle, in which the one enjoyment (drinking), becomes harder to enjoy because of an increased alcohol tolerance, leading to &#8211; you guessed it &#8211; more consumption.
<h3>Denial and Rationalisation</h3>
It&#8217;s hard to think about how to stop drinking alcohol if you&#8217;re not even able to admit and acknowledge the impact of alcohol use on yourself and others. Rationalising or minimising the negative consequences of drinking is a common defence mechanism that needs to be worked through first before you can seriously ask yourself: How do I quit drinking?

What Are The Signs I Need To Stop Drinking Alcohol?

<h3>Talk With A Doctor</h3>
If you&#8217;re reading this and recognise some of the above signs, you may still be unsure about whether you have an alcohol addiction. Whether you do or not, it&#8217;s likely you still want to improve your or someone else&#8217;s relationship with alcohol. One way to understand if there is a problem with alcohol is to consult your regular GP who will know your medical history. Your GP will ask about alcohol consumption, related symptoms, and overall health, and may conduct a physical examination to assess your general well-being. Your physician may also use standardised screening tools to assess the severity of alcohol use and its impact on your life. They&#8217;ll also provide information about the potential risks associated with alcohol consumption and discuss healthy drinking guidelines. Through their advice, you can learn about how to reduce or quit drinking. Furthermore, your GP may refer you to a specialist for a more in-depth assessment and targeted intervention, if this is necessary, this might be a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">psychiatrist</a>, psychologist, or addiction counsellor,
<h3>Know Your Why</h3>
If you want to know how to stop drinking alcohol, it matters to know why you have an alcohol problem in the first place. By understanding the underlying motivations and reasons behind your relationship with alcohol you and any professional you work with is better informed. Exploring your &#8216;why&#8217; will help you understand your behaviours so you can make informed choices about your relationship with alcohol. When it comes to answering the question of &#8220;How do I quit drinking?&#8221; your understanding about why offers a foundation for creating personalised strategies and interventions for change .
Exploring your reasons for alcohol addiction will involve some self-reflection, you might learn about how you use alcohol as a coping mechanism and why you need such a coping mechanism. You can also understand how social factors act as triggers, or if you use the drug as a means of escaping or avoiding certain aspects of your life. It can also help to understand whether alcohol use has become a routine or habit and whether it&#8217;s associated with specific activities or times of day. Other triggers that prompt drinking can be emotional, for example, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/stress-worry/">stress</a>, loneliness, boredom, or unresolved <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">trauma</a>. Whatever the why, understanding is vital for your treatment.
<h3>Set Your Goals</h3>
When you&#8217;re trying to learn how to stop alcohol addiction and move toward the admirable goal of sobriety, it&#8217;s important to establish clear and individualised goals at the outset. You might start by thinking about the kind of life you want for yourself and your loved ones. It&#8217;s therefore important to think about short and long-term aims so that your goals around how to stop drinking are achievable rather than daunting. So whether you want improved physical health, stronger <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>, professional accomplishments, or enhanced mental wellbeing, it&#8217;s important to be clear about your aspirations. This is because when goals are clear, they can be made measurable. This provides a roadmap for progress and helps you stay focused and motivated.
With something as difficult as how to stop drinking alcohol, it&#8217;s necessary to set realistic benchmarks for reducing or abstaining from alcohol. For example, for something like how to stop drinking alcohol every night, you would have to also consider fostering healthier coping mechanisms, one of which might be to rebuild social connections. It&#8217;s helpful to share your goals with a trusted support system, whether friends, family, or healthcare professionals. This will ensure a support network that encourages your success on the path of how to quit drinking. It&#8217;s good to regularly revisit and adjust your goals as needed, celebrating achievements and learning from setbacks. By defining your path and objectives, you will feel stronger and this helps navigate the challenges of alcohol cessation with purpose and determination.
<h3>Remove Access To Alcohol</h3>
One way to help learn how to stop drinking alcohol is by creating an environment conducive to sobriety. Indeed, if you wanted to reduce your intake of sugary foods, you&#8217;d probably buy less. So if you want to help yourself know how to stop drinking alcohol every night you have to be proactive. This means having no access to alcohol by identifying sources in your living space and removing the temptation, including disposing of any remaining alcohol. Be sure to tell friends and family so you can gain their support in maintaining an alcohol-free environment. Avoid places or events where alcohol will become a temptation so you can manage potential triggers. You might create new routines that don&#8217;t involve drinking, fostering healthier habits. If you have community resources or support groups available, use them. By proactively limiting access to alcohol, you create a foundation for positive change, reducing the likelihood of relapse and reinforcing your commitment to a life free from its influence.
<h3>Manage Cravings</h3>
One way how to quit drinking is to manage cravings. This is crucial for success and the first step is to understand and accept that the presence of cravings is normal, without judgment. This is where coping strategies are helpful. For example, you might learn about mindfulness, and deep breathing, or begin engaging in alternative activities to redirect your focus. Another way to manage cravings is by using your support network; by reaching out to friends, family, or support groups, you will be able to manage during challenging moments. It&#8217;s also helpful to identify triggers that encourage cravings and proactively avoid or address them. Make healthy lifestyle choices, including regular exercise and balanced nutrition, to enhance overall wellbeing and resilience. Remember that cravings are temporary, and with time, their intensity tends to reduce. By establishing coping mechanisms and accessing support, you can effectively manage cravings toward sustained recovery.
<h3>Discover Your Triggers</h3>
If you want to know how to stop drinking alcohol and maintain your recovery, you have to understand what triggers you to drink alcohol. This is a crucial piece of the puzzle toward recovery because if you&#8217;re unaware of your temptations and triggers, you&#8217;ll miss the bumps in the road and fall off the wagon when they hit. Triggers can be all sorts of things, ranging from environmental cues to emotional stressors. Take time to self-reflect and think about the kinds of situations, emotions, or contexts that usually precede cravings or the urge to drink. These triggers may include stress, social events, specific places, or even certain emotions like loneliness or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>. When you&#8217;ve identified your triggers you can develop coping mechanisms that are tailored to each trigger. For example, if you know you associate drinking with particular places, people, or situations, you might take a break from some of these. By recognising and addressing triggers, you take proactive control by implementing tools and strategies needed to make informed choices, reduce the likelihood of relapse, and encourage a sustainable, alcohol-free lifestyle.
<h3>Write In A Journal</h3>
If for example, you want to learn how to stop drinking alcohol every night, writing in a journal is even more likely to help you stay on track. By regularly documenting thoughts, emotions, and experiences, you create a tangible record of your triggers, progress, and victories. The journal can be used to help you explore your reasons for drinking. You&#8217;ll be able to see patterns and areas for growth. It can help to record your goals, both short and long-term and track achievements and setbacks. It&#8217;s also helpful to think about the impact of sobriety on your physical and mental well-being as this creates a deeper understanding of your process. You can also write down strategies you&#8217;ve tried to help you manage cravings, and challenging situations. Your journal can be the private space you need for self-expression or you can share it with your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/birmingham/">therapist</a> or support group for valuable insights.
<h3>Discover New Hobbies And Activities</h3>
When it comes to how to quit drinking, it&#8217;s not just about breaking old habits, but also discovering new passions. Think about the kinds of things you once enjoyed or have never tried but want to. What might fill the void that abstinence leaves, how can you experience joy and fulfilment? Try different things, for example, you could look into something creative, like art, music, or writing. There are also physical activities such as hiking, sports, or yoga. Try clubs, classes, or communities that align with your newfound interests, providing opportunities for social connection and personal growth. These activities not only serve as distractions from cravings but by trying new and exciting things, you develop new interests that offer you something positive to focus on and enhance your overall wellbeing &#8211; all of which will keep you on track!
<h3>Find Your Support Network</h3>
One answer to the question of How do I quit drinking, is taking support. Sobriety is a hard endeavour on your own so build a robust network of support around yourself. This will be the backdrop to your successful recovery from alcohol addiction. Think about who in your life offers you understanding, empathy, and encouragement. Your support network may include family, friends, support groups, or sponsors with experience in recovery. These people can help you if you include them in your recovery so let them know about your goals, challenges, and progress. They can also offer emotional reinforcement during difficult times by offering perspectives, advice, and shared experiences.
If you can, attend support group meetings where you can connect with people who have faced similar struggles, this will foster a sense of community. Let people hold you accountable so you can be committed to your goals. The collective strength of your support network becomes a safety net during moments of vulnerability, preventing isolation and promoting resilience. Regularly engaging with your support system not only reinforces your commitment to sobriety but also provides opportunities for shared accomplishments, creating a supportive environment that contributes significantly to a sustained, healthier lifestyle. Remember, successful recovery is a shared journey, and finding your support net is a powerful step toward lasting positive change.
<h3>Know Relapses Are Common</h3>
It&#8217;s important to know that when you&#8217;re learning how to stop drinking alcohol that it&#8217;s not a straightforward path. But it&#8217;s important to understand the difference between a lapse and a relapse. A lapse is a smaller setback, whereas a relapse is more serious. By understanding and accepting that lapses and relapses are a common part of the recovery process, you are more likely to see them as a setback, rather than a failure, and by seeing them in this way, you&#8217;re more likely to get back on the wagon and continue on the road to recovery. This helps build resilience and resolve. In <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">Cognitive Behavioural Therapy</a>, we say there is no such thing as failure, it&#8217;s all feedback; something to learn from. We can identify new triggers and make adjustments, developing specific coping strategies. So by using lapses or relapses as a motivator, they become opportunities for self-reflection, learning, and growth. This can reinforce commitment and offer a sense of control.
<h3>Celebrate Milestones</h3>
If you admit to yourself that you have a problem with alcohol and have since learned how to stop drinking alcohol every night, it&#8217;s so important that you recognise your amazing achievement. By celebrating milestones that you&#8217;ve set for yourself, you offer yourself a dose of motivation and self-reinforcement. Whether your milestones are recorded in days, weeks, months, or more, they demonstrate your ability to progress and commit. Take time to reflect on your achievements, and think about the positive changes you&#8217;ve made in your life. Link rewards to milestones, so you can feel the satisfaction in an even bigger way, and the joy of the reward too! Doing this not only reinforces your dedication to a healthier, alcohol-free lifestyle but also provides essential moments of reflection, boosting confidence and resilience on the path to sustained recovery.
<h3>Reach Out To A Therapist</h3>
If you&#8217;re struggling with alcoholism and are serious about making changes, you might consider finding a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">psychotherapis</a>t who has experience with this very serious psychological issue. A psychological therapist will be able to help you address the emotional and psychological aspects of alcohol dependence. We can provide a confidential and safe space for you to explore the underlying issues, help you identify triggers, and work together to develop a personalised plan, which includes helpful coping strategies. We will give you professional guidance and help you understand the &#8216;underneath&#8217; of your alcohol problem, that is., the root causes of your alcohol use. Together we will create a focused treatment plan that will help you to answer the question of &#8220;How do I quit drinking?&#8221; With the help of a therapist, you can work toward building resilience, increase your self-awareness, and improve your wellbeing and life. Your therapist can be the much-needed dedicated ally, someone who will be in your corner and help you navigate challenges, ultimately facilitating a successful and sustained recovery.

Tips For How to Stop Alcohol Addiction

When you&#8217;re considering how to stop drinking alcohol you must also consider the changes that will likely occur if you&#8217;ve been consistently misusing alcohol. For example, when you stop drinking, your body will go through a process of adjustment, which may result in withdrawal symptoms. Your health and the level of consumption will determine how long these symptoms last and how severe they are.
Some common withdrawal symptoms include:
Anxiety and Irritability: Feelings of nervousness, restlessness, and increased irritability.
Insomnia: Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep during the night.
Nausea and Vomiting: Upset stomach, nausea, and in some cases, vomiting.
Sweating and Clammy Skin: Experiencing excessive sweating and clamminess.
Tremors: Shaking or trembling, especially in the hands.
Increased Heart Rate: Elevated heart rate and palpitations.
Depression: Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a general lack of interest in activities.
Mood Swings: Fluctuations in mood, including irritability, agitation, and emotional highs and lows.
Fatigue: Generalised weakness, tiredness, and lack of energy.
Headache: Persistent headaches or migraines.
Loss of Appetite: Decreased interest in eating or loss of appetite.
Difficulty Concentrating: Challenges in focusing or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/why-cant-i-focus-on-anything/">concentrating</a> on tasks.
In severe cases, withdrawal symptoms can progress to more serious conditions such as hallucinations, seizures, and delirium tremens. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, especially for those who have a history of heavy or prolonged drinking. In such cases, it&#8217;s important to seek medical guidance to ensure a safe and supervised withdrawal process. This means symptoms are monitored, and medical options and support are available to help manage withdrawal effects.

What Happens When You Stop Drinking Alcohol

Improved Mental Health: Because alcohol can exacerbate things like loneliness, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/7-signs-you-might-be-suffering-with-health-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and depression. By quitting, you are likely to notice a change in such symptoms, and this leads to improved overall mental wellbeing.
Better Mood: Because alcohol is no longer impacting your mental health, you&#8217;re likely to experience a better general mood, which is more consistently stable and positive. The fluctuations caused by alcohol will be no more and your emotional state will feel balanced, leading to increased overall happiness.
Better Focus and Concentration: Alcohol affects cognitive function so by eliminating it, cognitive function is enhanced. This means you&#8217;ll be able to focus and concentrate better, you&#8217;ll have more mental clarity, and be able to perform tasks more efficiently, including making good decisions.
Improved Personal Relationships: By not drinking, you&#8217;re more able to be present around, and for people. You will be better able to communicate and this can help build personal relationships by fostering trust and emotional connection. Alcohol often disrupts relationships for all sorts of reasons, its absence can help them become more fulfilling for all involved.
Enhanced Physical Health: As mentioned, alcohol has many physical health risks so quitting brings several health benefits, including improved liver function, reduced risk of cardiovascular diseases, and better overall immune system function.
Increased Energy Levels: Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows down your nervous system, and things like speech and affect. Without its sedative effects, you will experience an increase in energy levels, which means you will be able to be more productive and engaged in your life.
Better Sleep Quality: Alcohol&#8217;s soporific effects negatively affect sleep patterns. It can help you fall asleep easier but affects your ability to enter more restful sleep states. By abstaining, you will experience improved sleep quality, which will make you feel more rested.
Financial Savings: Alcohol is expensive, and this adds up if one has an addiction. By abstaining, you&#8217;re likely to save a significant amount of money that can be used for more fulfilling and meaningful pursuits.
Personal Growth and Development: The process of quitting alcohol offers a foundation for personal growth. Without the challenges that alcohol problems bring, individuals are no longer hindered and can focus on self-improvement and setting and achieving personal goals.
Enhanced Emotional Resilience: Being sober means you can build emotional resilience. People often develop healthier coping mechanisms to help them stay on track, this means other life challenges can be tackled with greater adaptability and strength.

Benefits Of Quitting Drinking Alcohol

Recovery is an ongoing process and will be different for each person, this means the timeline also varies between people. Every stage of the process has its challenges so this is why the support of healthcare professionals or support groups can be invaluable and greatly improve the chances of success at every stage of the quitting process.
So although the quitting and recovery process is different for everyone based on things like the extent of alcohol use, individual health, and the presence of a support system, there is a general overview of what may happen across different phases after quitting drinking:
First Week: Withdrawal Symptoms: Physical symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, insomnia, nausea, and headaches may occur. It&#8217;s crucial to stay hydrated and seek medical supervision if severe symptoms occur.
First Month: Physical Recovery: Many physical symptoms start to improve, including better sleep, increased energy, and improved digestion. However, emotional and psychological challenges may still arise.
Three Months: Mental and Emotional Changes: Mental clarity, improved mood, and reduced anxiety become more noticeable. Individuals may start experiencing the psychological benefits of being sober.
Six Months: Establishing New Habits: By this point, people often establish healthier routines and coping mechanisms. <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/doubts-in-relationship/">Relationships</a> may improve, and a sense of accomplishment begins to set in.
One Year: Stabilised Lifestyle: Many people have successfully navigated triggers and challenges, leading to a stabilised, alcohol-free lifestyle. Improved physical and mental health continues, and confidence in sobriety grows.
Beyond One Year: Sustained Recovery: Long-term recovery involves ongoing commitment and vigilance. Individuals may continue to experience personal growth, strengthened relationships, and the consolidation of a satisfying, alcohol-free life.

How Long Does It Take to Quit Drinking?

In conclusion, learning how to quit drinking is a big step and a life-changing experience. Alcohol treatment is fraught with challenges but also physical, mental, and emotional benefits. These benefits unfold gradually, with initial challenges giving way to enhanced wellbeing and personal growth. It&#8217;s a commitment that shows determination and offers self-discovery. If you or someone you know needs this kind of change, hopefully, you will realise the value of professional guidance, and building a strong support network. Both of these can significantly contribute to sustained recovery. A life free from alcohol may seem unappealing in ways but it brings about positive changes in health, relationships, and overall quality of life, which when rediscovered, are more than worth the swap. The bottom line is that the decision to quit drinking is a powerful commitment to one&#8217;s wellbeing and the pursuit of a fulfilling, alcohol-free future.

The Bottom Line

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Alcohol-Blog-1-Medium

How To Stop Alcohol Addiction

At the time of writing, Tinder was the most popular online dating app in the UK, with 823,000 average monthly searches. And in 2022 it showed the highest success rate of all the popular apps at a rate of 16.51%. But if you think about this, it&#8217;s not very high, and if you&#8217;re not a Tinder user, your chances drop even further. So, what do you think this might do for one&#8217;s mental health and overall <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/birmingham/wellbeing-assessment/">wellbeing</a>? It&#8217;s an important and perhaps, overdue question. In this article we invite you to learn about the very real and serious perils of online dating – but also discuss the success. This article also offers guidance on how to get the best out of online dating or learn when to step away. Read and decide if you can relate, and if maybe it&#8217;s time to take an online dating detox…

But let&#8217;s start the story at the beginning. Most people start online dating perhaps with a little trepidation and nerves and then gradually that nervous energy starts to fizzle into excitement as they notice that they&#8217;re getting attention, and those matches are coming in. Then there&#8217;s the part where we can interact with these potential partners and we experience the thrill of possibly meeting new people! All this offers us <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/blogs/2022/9-may-evaluating-life-for-loneliness/">dopamine</a> on tap, a hormone associated with the reward centre of the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brain</a>. It&#8217;s involved in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">addiction</a> when we become addicted to a drug or behaviour whenever we get to access said drug or behaviour, but also because of the dopamine we experience every time. Online dating can become an addiction of sorts too. We want more and so every time we reach for the phone and check our notifications, we get a little dose of D. But, it&#8217;s not necessarily a good thing. We can become over-saturated, such that we keep going back but the reward is not as potent, and we begin to experience other things&#8230;

The Excitement and Anticipation

<h3>The Reality of Rejection</h3>
There are millions of users worldwide spending copious amounts of time looking to meet people and perhaps even be lucky enough to enter into a long-term <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationship</a>. You would think based on this, it would be more straightforward right? Sadly, wrong. I have several clients who tell me about initial attention they may receive, only to be dropped and rejected in some way. This can be from someone not liking them back, unmatching with them, or just disengaging from the conversation. This happens time and again in the world of online dating and what do you think it does for your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>? I know clients and friends who start to feel that there is something wrong with them. Like they are not good enough in some way, and this also of course affects their mood. Many people also have a sensitivity around rejection, it&#8217;s natural as human beings who come from tribes where rejection could mean exile and <a style="color: #0033cc;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/bereavement/">death</a>. So we&#8217;re biologically designed to need acceptance to survive.
<h3>The Pressure to Present a Perfect Image</h3>
When you look at most dating profiles, it&#8217;s quite clear to see that people are trying to carefully craft a curated online persona. They are effectively selling themselves and hoping to get a buyer (or three). You also have to do this when you&#8217;re attempting to hook that fish. This can create a kind of pressure and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/stress-worry/">stress</a>, you have to create and maintain a positive image, one that highlights all your wonderful attributes. Not just this, but when you go on dates, there is the added pressure of maintaining the persona. Even those who authentically do this can feel the stress and pressure of living up to the idea of themselves. It can become a performance and if you&#8217;re dating a lot, it can take its toll, no longer being fun but becoming a chore. And don&#8217;t get me started on all those catfish out there&#8230;
<h3>Ghosting and Its Psychological Effects</h3>
Most people have heard of the term &#8216;ghosting&#8217;. This is when someone suddenly disappears without explanation. It normally relates to the virtual realm in which people may unmatch, and even block you. Sometimes this means you are unable to view their profile, they&#8217;ve effectively cut off any accessibility to them and haven&#8217;t explained why. This has become the norm in the world of dating. My clients talk about the lack of empathy they experience, feeling dehumanised by the way they have been treated. Indeed, ghosting disempowers you, you&#8217;re unable to have a conversation to understand. This affects the ability to process and heal, especially if the person is important or it&#8217;s happened often. It leaves you with questions, self-doubt, and self-blame, and impacts self-esteem. Ghosting can also lead to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/sexual-abuse-trauma/">trauma</a> and cause <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a> or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/9s_ap53x_0s?si=_fzWC1hjyr3h3c59">depression</a>.
<h3>Comparison and Insecurity</h3>
Speaking of self-esteem, one thing that many of my clients who have <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/are-your-relationships-building-or-taking-your-self-esteem/">low self-esteem</a> often do is negatively compare themselves against others. This is ever true when on dating platforms. There are so many people presenting the best, polished versions of themselves, that it&#8217;s only natural to feel lacking in ways when seeing what the competition looks like because that&#8217;s what it is. When we compare ourselves in this way, whether it be based on physical attributes, or other information about people, like their jobs, we open ourselves up to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, especially if we are already insecure in ways, or if we&#8217;re not having much success on these sites (which is frankly easy to do). Indeed, many users report (and I&#8217;m speaking of my clients and friends) that online dating affects their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd/">body image</a>. They start to notice that they&#8217;re unhappy with the physical aspects of themselves that they felt okay with before. This is worsened when they meet some of these coldfish or receive comments from them that relate to their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/ZkTJRm9q07k?si=NPtSyzy7aKbXzmN9">appearance</a> &#8211; the audacity of some of these people!
<h3>Online Dating Fatigue</h3>
Overuse of social media is shown to detrimentally affect mental health and wellbeing. Online dating is no exception, especially when we consider the constant swiping and messaging, and the repetitive nature of interactions &#8211; there are only so many times we can feel interested in those initial &#8216;get to know them&#8217; encounters. They can start to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/apathy-anhedonia/">feel empty</a> and like one is simply going through the motions of a boring, lethargic, monotonous dance! As mentioned, there are lots of other factors about online dating that impact emotionally, leading to emotional exhaustion due to the emotional and psychological ups and downs that occur during online interactions and when meeting new people with the hopes that one might have. If this resonates for you, consider taking a break and see how you feel during this time. Let this be your guide when it comes to deciding on resuming activity.
<h3>Navigating Deceptive Profiles</h3>
You&#8217;ve likely experienced some kind of misrepresentation online if you&#8217;ve traversed the sometimes murky world of online dating. People embellish, omit, and outright deceive when it comes to how they look (showing photos that are heavily filtered, were taken years ago, or when they were in better physical shape, anyone?). People also lie about their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/50ZnzTzOqMM?si=9Y1e8XEvA9dyuPCB">relationship</a> status; many <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/INUAmXMyFpw?si=3Cp5Wc75DjWH5tVU">women</a> seem to come across married <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-toxic-masculinity-harms-everyone-inc-men/">men</a> who proclaim singlehood, and vice versa of course (side note: did you know there are also dating websites for married people, often used by those who don&#8217;t have their spouse&#8217;s permission?). Some people are on the rebound and think or pretend they&#8217;re ready for a relationship, only to later mess people around. Then some just want one-night stands and pretend they want a relationship until they get what they want. Online dating offers more time and opportunity to deceive others without the physical cues that our intuition needs to separate the wheat from the chaff. It&#8217;s easy to see how these things can impact individuals&#8217; wellbeing so it&#8217;s important to build resilience against deceptive practices but also learn how to recognise &#8216;red flags&#8217; and trust your gut &#8211; it contains neurons and is called the &#8216;second brain&#8217; for good reason.
<h3>The Role of Social Media</h3>
Social media often portrays filtered and idealised versions of reality, sometimes leading to unrealistic expectations in online dating. People can expect potential partners to match the flawless images and lifestyles they&#8217;re used to seeing on social platforms, and this leads to disappointment and failed relationships. So it&#8217;s crucial to understand how social media influences perceptions and expectations. They shape our views of others and ourselves in an unhelpful way. People carefully craft their image across social platforms, naturally leading to disappointment when expectations and hopes are not met. Online personas also create a desire for an idealised partner, setting potential partners up to fail because they cannot meet the checklist. These crafted profiles also create a &#8216;comparison culture&#8217;, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Social media culture also breeds expectations around response times, affecting feelings and responses when online dating. People may also try to &#8216;act out&#8217; the façade they&#8217;ve created. It&#8217;s important to bear these traps in mind and nurture offline and online connections, but also attempt to be authentic in both, rather than the other way around.

The Mental Health Impact of Swipe-Based Dating

<h3>Building Healthy Boundaries</h3>
Building Healthy Boundaries is crucial for online dating if you want to protect your mental health and wellbeing. Defining and knowing your limits for things like how often you use the app, the information you share, and managing expectations are all good places to start. Establishing healthy communication boundaries can involve response times, depth of conversation, and level of emotional investment. If this is clearly communicated it can lead to better interactions. Information-sharing boundaries involve being cautious about your personal or sensitive information until you&#8217;ve built trust. This can help guard against potential risks that come with online relationships. It&#8217;s also important that your boundaries are respected, and that you in turn respect others&#8217; boundaries, this can make online dating a more positive and comfortable dating experience.
<h3>Taking Breaks for Self-Care</h3>
If you&#8217;re reading this and can relate to some of the common experiences mentioned, consider taking a break from online dating when your emotional wellbeing needs a bit of TLC. Use this time to prioritise yourself and spend time with loved ones. Also, consider other forms of self-care that will help to lift your mood and enrich your life. Another thing that could help is to think about the impact online dating has had and the reasons for this. Are there other ways you might consider re-entering the world of dating? Might it be a shift in perception that&#8217;s required? Or maybe you&#8217;re done with online dating for the foreseeable!

How To Protect Your Mental Health 

There are many reasons that online dating affects our mental health and wellbeing. So it&#8217;s vitally important that you notice when this mode of dating is feeling overwhelming. You may not link your low mood, feelings of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">low self-worth</a>, or emotional burnout to online dating because it has become an insidious part of your life. But if it is the culprit, another option is <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/online/">therapy</a>. This may be the thing that helps you to identify if and why you pick the wrong types of people, why you may set unrealistic expectations, or perhaps why you accept unacceptable treatment &#8211; whatever the case might be. Being aware and working on yourself might be just the thing that&#8217;s needed to help you in your goal toward personal growth but also in regards to finding the right person for you, or realising you&#8217;re not in a hurry to.

Seeking Professional Support

Online dating can be fun until it&#8217;s quite quickly, and often, not. There are many reasons for this as mentioned in this article. With those many reasons also come many detrimental impacts on mental health, life satisfaction, and wellbeing. You may enter the world of online dating with optimism, and soon become mired in self-doubt and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/9s_ap53x_0s?si=Njdu04J9tAgW2jmv">depression</a>. So it&#8217;s important to come to something like online dating with a healthy mindset, with all the mental (and physical) health pitfalls it presents. This will likely create the right kind of approach and more chances of success. But it may also mean you can leave the world of online dating, with or without a partner, with your healthy mindset intact and ready for the next adventure!

Conclusion

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7 Ways Online Dating Harms Mental Health & What To Do!

Longer nights, Christmas lights, and jingles in the shops. T’is the season to be jolly – or is it? Christmas is a time of togetherness and joy for many, but for some, it brings challenges that affect mental health and wellbeing.  If you&#8217;re less &#8220;All I want for Christmas is you&#8221; and more &#8220;All I want for Christmas is for it to be over&#8221; then you may be surprised to learn that you&#8217;re not as alone as you might think.
Indeed, a recent study found that life satisfaction dropped between November and December 2021 whilst there was a surge in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a> and <a style="color: #0033cc;" href="https://youtu.be/9s_ap53x_0s?si=3E7igJKr7OQdjj_x">depression</a>. Yes, during the holidays, people tend to suffer from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">low mood</a>, with a spike in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">alcohol</a>-related death, over the Christmas and New Year period.
So it’s an important time to come together and acknowledge the importance of coming together and seeking support if you’re struggling with your mental health at this time of year. Just know you’re not alone and help is available.
Even if Christmas and New Year&#8217;s are not important to you, they can still affect your mental health as they happen around you. Whether you’re trying to manage your mental health or someone else’s, this article aims to offer you some tips to follow over the festive season and beyond.

<ul>
<li>Some people feel excluded during this time of year, noticing others enjoy the holiday season as they struggle. I have a client whose Christmas has taken on a new meaning because of the loss of loved ones. It serves as a reminder of what’s missing because the absence of loved ones is especially felt since Christmas is always a time of coming together.</li>
<li>For some Christmas adds pressure; they may not have enough money to cover costs which makes them feel guilty. This along with money worries can impact mental health and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/birmingham/wellbeing-assessment/">wellbeing</a>.</li>
<li>Another problem for some people is things like arranging childcare. And, if they must work, they may feel guilty they cannot spend time with the children.</li>
<li>Travelling, busyness, and parties during the holidays can disturb sleep which can affect mental health.</li>
<li>For others Christmas can be a grim time because of related life events. For example, if you had a difficult or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">traumatic</a> experience during a previous Christmas because of the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/50ZnzTzOqMM?si=kaISUjhou_MZNckr">loss of a relationship</a>, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/the-healthier-way-to-grieve/">death</a>, or other <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/what-happens-when-trauma-is-ignored-vs-when-its-not/">trauma</a>. One of my clients suffered a horrendous experience which culminated in a very difficult festive period, bringing back reminders for him during this time, ever since.</li>
<li>Some people feel lonely during the holidays and this is further heightened because of the abundance of happy images of people being together on social media and TV.</li>
<li>Some people also feel overwhelmed because there is so much they have to do around the holiday period.</li>
<li>If someone close to you is having a challenging time emotionally, the holidays may prove to be a challenge for you as well.</li>
<li>You might get annoyed when others see Christmas in ways that differ from your experience and view of it. For instance, if others see it as a joy-filled time but you don&#8217;t.</li>
<li>Christmas can be tough when pressure is applied, especially if you have ideals about how it should be. This can mean it feels forced rather than enjoyable. Or you might worry about it not meeting your expectations in some way.</li>
<li>Some people use Christmas as a distraction from life. They may revel in the anticipation of Christmas and eagerly await the day but have difficulty once it has passed.</li>
<li>Reduced access to services due to the holiday season can make it more difficult to cope. This is especially true if you&#8217;re already struggling or feeling bad because of Christmas.</li>
<li>Some may be struggling this Christmas because of how they experienced lockdown.</li>
<li>Being in hospital can make Christmas difficult as people can feel <a style="color: #0033cc;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/isolation-loneliness/">isolated</a> and left out. This is exacerbated by visitation restrictions and not enough staff in hospitals.</li>
<li>Your current mental health state might mean you are unable to experience Christmas the way you would have liked to.</li>
<li>Some people like routine, especially when they are trying to manage their mental health. Christmas can disturb the usual structure in place, making the management of mental health harder.</li>
<li>Non-Christians or those of other beliefs may not appreciate the emphasis placed on Christmas.</li>
<li>The New Year can feel like a struggle for some people. This is especially true if they are &#8216;stuck&#8217; in the past, and do not feel they are moving forward in life. This also makes the year ahead feel worse because one is feeling dissatisfied with where they are in life.</li>
<li>Christmas can be stressful and difficult due to some of the above, this can exacerbate mental health problems, especially if you have a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-autism-spectrum-disorder-asd/">psychiatric disorder</a>.</li>
</ul>

In What Ways Can The Festive Period Impact Mental Health?

<ul>
<li>It can help to try to understand what makes the holiday season a difficult time for you. For practical problems, there are often practical solutions. If for instance, you&#8217;re struggling financially there are things you can do, like creating a budget, looking for financial support, and being honest with others. All of these can help reduce stress.</li>
<li>If you&#8217;re having trouble around Christmas because you&#8217;re going through a breakup or have lost someone close, you may feel lonely. So, reaching out to friends or family (even over a video call), an online community, or a local organisation can help.</li>
<li>It&#8217;s also helpful to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself. You could plan something nice for yourself, this might be an activity by yourself or with others. It&#8217;s also a good idea to plan something to look forward to, after Christmas.</li>
<li>Some people do voluntary work because it can feel good to help others who may also be struggling in ways.</li>
<li>Another option is therapeutic support. This may help you work through complicated issues that relate to this time of year or are heightened because of it. It’s okay and important to seek help from a professional if you’re feeling this way.</li>
<li>If you&#8217;re unable to do any of these things, you can always contact services like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.samaritans.org/">The Samaritans</a> to talk – or other similar services in your area. Do look online to see what’s available. It is important to realise that you may be struggling, but you don&#8217;t have to be alone.</li>
</ul>

How To Make Christmas & New Year's Easier

So even though for many Christmas is a time of joy, filled with magic, wonder, food, and fun with friends and family, sadly this isn’t true for everyone. For some, the festive period can feel overwhelming or exacerbate an existing mental health problem, or remind them of things they’d rather forget.  For others, the build-up to and during the festive period can be a welcome distraction from life and mental health difficulties, but when it’s over, the come down occurs.
So, I encourage you to reflect on the tips offered and explore what might make Christmas less daunting and more manageable. Take small steps, and with time, you might find yourself not just coping but even stepping up from this. Remember that you&#8217;re not alone, and help is always close by and if you think therapy could help you, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://booking.setmore.com/scheduleappointment/a8f107ea-a719-4c6f-a9e5-6b196682c27d/services/s93a224fc7559d85c748ebac20ae8f5fe8657dbbe?source=settings">reach out to us today</a>.

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Burton, J. (2023, November 30). Common Christmas Concerns For Mental Health. Www.mqmentalhealth.org. 

Mental Health And Christmas: How To Cope

Imagine you&#8217;re sitting across from your partner at the breakfast table and asking yourself: &#8220;Is it normal to have doubts in a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/f8Ry2o1cx3c?si=T7GItt65GZn2Ne5G">relationship</a>?&#8221; Well, this might be more of a reality rather than an imagining because it is normal to have uncertainties and fears in life, so why should it be any different in relationships? If you haven&#8217;t already experienced doubts about relationships then you likely will. Or you could be having doubts about your relationship right now. This article will explore why it is normal to have doubts in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationship</a>, as well as how these can doom a relationship. It will also offer a useful distinction between healthy doubts and actual red flags. We will also review the signs that indicate doubts and the most common ones, but also the reasons. The article ends with some useful ways to reduce relationship doubts. So if you want to know what to do before ending a relationship because of doubts, read on.

Alongside the question of: &#8220;Why am I having doubts about my relationship?&#8221;, you will likely have asked: &#8220;Is it normal to have doubts in a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-iii-how-couples-therapy-can-help/">relationship</a>?&#8221; The answer is a resounding YES! Sometimes we partake in magical thinking, believing that if we&#8217;re having doubts, there must be something wrong and we should trust our instincts. Now, this is not necessarily untrue, sometimes doubt in situations is due to intuition or instinct which are there for a reason. But, there are times when we mistake doubts as signs, when in fact, we&#8217;re reacting emotionally rather than rationally. This is normal too, we&#8217;re emotional beings, all of us. But, we shouldn&#8217;t always act on our emotions. We should explore and understand them so we can learn what they&#8217;re trying to tell us. For example, doubts in a long-term relationship are quite normal. This does not mean one should be emotionally reactive and end the relationship. It would be more helpful to try to make sense of the doubt because otherwise there&#8217;s the risk of losing a perfectly good partner and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/birmingham/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">relationship</a>&#8230;

Is It Normal To Have Doubts In Relationships?

Which brings me to the next part. You might ask: &#8220;Is it okay to have doubts in a relationship?&#8221; It is. But when we act on doubts about <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">relationships</a> rather than think things through, we end up cutting off our proverbial nose to spite our proverbial face. I had a client who during her <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/midlife-crisis/">midlife crisis</a> (which she was unaware of at the time) thought her husband repulsive. It&#8217;s safe to say she was no longer attracted to him and having doubts about relationship. What did she do? She reacted &#8211; prematurely. She ended the long and supportive marriage to live her best life and guess what her husband did? After picking himself up and dusting himself off, he did the same and found happiness with someone new. My client ended up in therapy because after she moved through the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/major-life-transitions/">crisis</a> of her midlife, she realised she loved her ex-husband and desperately wanted him back &#8211; but he&#8217;d moved on. He was all loved up. So the all-important question of: &#8220;Why am I doubting my relationship?&#8221; should be asked and thoroughly explored, as otherwise, you could suffer a similarly regretful fate.

When Relationship Doubts Become Relationship Doomed

So as you can imagine, it&#8217;s very important to understand the differences between healthy doubts and actual red flags when doubts about relationships crop up because the consequences can be dire if uncertainty in relationships creates &#8216;dealbreakers&#8217;. We should try to understand the warning signs of misread red flags so we don&#8217;t let doubts about relationships turn into relationship suicide. But it&#8217;s not always easy to understand the difference between healthy doubts and red flags. For instance, if we take my client as an example, she viewed her sudden lack of physical interest in her partner as a red flag. This created deep feelings of uncertainty which she wrestled with, primarily alone. She wishes that she&#8217;d consulted with a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">relationship therapist</a> so that she could have understood how the midlife crisis affected her. She would have realised that her internal conflict and questions of: &#8220;Why am I doubting my relationship?&#8221; is a common experience for many who experience the crisis, and therefore a healthy doubt when taken in context. This would have enabled self-understanding, tolerance, and patience. She could have learned that her doubts were normal, and she&#8217;d still be happily married now.