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South Korea is familiar with suicide. Despite a global decrease in suicide, the rate of suicide in South Korea has almost doubled in the past 20 years. In 2021 it was the fifth leading cause of death, above traffic accidents, with 26 deaths per 100,000 people.
You might think that this only affects the average population, or those who are financially struggling, but actually, many Korean celebrities take their own lives, sparking concerns about the pressures faced by those in the KPOP (Korean Pop Music) industry, and also actors and models.
Suicide is a serious and complex problem, and the reasons for it will vary from one person to the next. But why is it so prevalent in Korean society? Learning some of the reasons might help us to understand and perhaps even save lives.

South Korea's Suicide Rate

Here are some reasons why Korean celebrities may have chosen to take their lives. Keep in mind, these reasons can impact any of us, no matter what job we do:
<ol>
<li>Pressure and stress: There is very intense pressure on Korean celebrities who experience exhaustion and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> due to the demands placed on them. The pressure to constantly maintain a particular image or success level, as well as the pressure from the public (i.e., fans), and the industry as a whole can feel too much.</li>
<li>Mental health problems: The pressure and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">stress</a>, alongside other factors, can lead to feelings of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and depression. There might also be other factors like a &#8220;personality disorder&#8221;, all of which might contribute to suicidal feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.</li>
<li>Cyberbullying and hate: There is such harsh and unrelenting criticism and scrutiny placed on Korean celebrities from anti-fans, the media, and also their fans. Such negative comments and bullying can take a serious toll on <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/male-mental-health/">mental health</a>.</li>
<li>Lack of support: Even though mental health awareness is growing within South Korean culture, there is still much stigma so mental health is not as well understood due to the lack of discussion. This is in part due to the culture&#8217;s strong emphasis on conformity and social cohesion. This makes it difficult for individuals to openly seek support. Stoicism and self-reliance are also valued. This makes it hard for individuals to seek support or even acknowledge they may be struggling. So celebrities, who are expected to be perfect &#8220;idols&#8221; and shining exemplars for South Koreans, and now the world, are likely to feel even less able to seek mental health resources and support.</li>
<li>Lack of social capital: <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/how-to-live-a-long-happy-life/">Relationships are necessary for longevity in life</a>, they help to support and sustain us. Sadly, those in the industry often start as child stars which means they may not experience a typical childhood and therefore are precluded from forming meaningful relationships. It has been reported by some in the industry that they experience a very rigorous training regimen from an early age, with very little opportunity to make friends and socialise with close connections, even if they do exist. Most of their friends or confidantes are other children in the same position.</li>
<li>Prevalence: When we exist in a family that experiences depression, alcoholism, or another condition, we are more at risk of developing a similar condition. This may be in part due to genetics, but also to learned behaviour. The Korean entertainment industry has a very high rate of suicide. It might be said that suicidality has become almost normalised and therefore people become desensitised to the notion. Effectively, it becomes an option.</li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/F4G8GtbM2_U??rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

What Makes The KPOP Industry Vulnerable?

On April 20th, 2023, Moon Bin, a South Korean singer, model, actor, and dancer who was also a part of the popular KPOP group ASTRO, was found dead by his manager after he was unable to reach him. His cause of death has not been made public, however, the consensus is that Moon Bin took his own life. He was 25 years old.
Moon Bin has been in the public eye since he was 11 years old. He grew up under public scrutiny, first as an actor, and later advancing to the world of KPOP at age 18. KPOP has since blown up into the world. This would likely have increased workload and pressure, as well as scrutiny under the unforgiving 24-hour social media culture.
This is especially the case in South Korea where social media users have a penetration rate of 88.3% of the population, putting South Korea at number 10 in the world for social media usage. If celebrities like Moon Bin do not look and sound perfect, they face intense backlash, but how can they look and sound perfect when perfection is a myth, especially under their grueling schedules?
In 2019 and 2020 Moon Bin took a sudden break, it is thought this was due to health difficulties, including mental illness (anxiety and perhaps <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>) and exhaustion. Although he was permitted a break to rest and recover, it seems this only addressed a part of the concern as it presented then. Perhaps Moon Bin did not feel able to ask for more time off. This means that there was a short-term solution, but not a long-term one.
It seems Moon Bin got to take a breather but then had to jump right into the same high-pressured environment, which would have undone any recovery and just continued the trajectory toward burnout. This would have placed him at great risk, psychologically, mentally, and emotionally, with fledgling resilience and hopelessness at the unrelenting cycle. It is likely he experienced guilt and shame about his self-perceived inability to remain &#8220;mentally strong&#8221; (as he once put it) even when his body was begging for a break.

Moon Bin Case Example

It&#8217;s important not to speculate too much. Notwithstanding, I hope this article gives us some things to consider when it comes to mental health and support, especially due to the risks to life. There will always be &#8220;what ifs&#8221; after the fact. But for me, the takeaway from Moon Bin&#8217;s tragic end, and other cases of suicide is the importance of talking to someone.
Something a client once said to me always comes to mind at times like this:
&#8220;Don&#8217;t choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem&#8221;
I would add: &#8220;<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">Please speak to someone, anyone</a>&#8221;
Rest in Peace Moon Bin.

Takeaway

Kim, J. (2019, August 12). ASTRO's Moonbin to take break due to health concerns. The Korea Times. Retrieved from 

Kim, S. (2020, May 4). ASTRO's Moonbin returns from hiatus. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Lee, M. (2020, January 3). ASTRO's Moonbin to continue hiatus due to health concerns. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Statista. (2021). Suicide in South Korea - statistics & facts. Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users in selected countries as of January 2022 (in millions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users worldwide from 2017 to 2025 (in billions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Why Is Suicide So Prevalent In KPOP? RIP Moon Bin

POCD, otherwise known as paedophile-themed <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/obsessive-compulsive-disorders-ocd/">obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)</a> is a relatively recently categorised form of OCD. OCD is a mental health disorder characterised by obsessive unwanted and therefore intrusive thoughts and feelings, and compulsive responses (behaviours), due to those thoughts. Compulsions can take the form of cognitive (thinking) responses, for example, counting or reassuring oneself. Or behavioural ones, which might involve checking, washing, or repeatedly turning a light switch on and off, depending on the fears related to the obsession (for example, safety, contamination, etc). Normally, OCD treatment comprises of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/cbt-birmingham/">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)</a>, including exposure and response prevention (ERP). As POCD is a subtype of OCD, CBT and ERP therapy are also treatments for POCD.

What is POCD?

People with OCD and specifically, a person with POCD will often experience an <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/identity-issues/">impact to identity</a> because sufferers do not feel in control and are compelled to act out behaviours in an attempt to feel a sense of control. Ironically however, this very compulsion demonstrates a lack of control, guided by anxiety. When living with POCD, the sufferer experiences an obsessive fear about being a paedophile or becoming one, which is hugely threatening to identity. This is due to the repeated unwanted sexual thoughts about children, which are experienced as incredibly confusing, upsetting, and horrifying.
POCD is possibly the worst type of OCD for sufferers because it is the most horrifying obsession one might imagine.  Paedophiles are detested by society and usually by the sufferer, so the fear of being a paedophile is incredibly intense. Indeed, the worst forms of OCD are combined in POCD, that is, a fear of hurting vulnerable people (Harm-OCD), the fear of being attracted to someone we shouldn’t be (Sexual Orientation-OCD), and a fear of breaking the strictest codes of society (moral scrupulosity).

The Impact 

<ul>
<li>Typical POCD thoughts, images, or sensations involve harming children, and are sexual and feel intrusive in nature</li>
<li>Innocent childhood memories can surface and take a sinister tone. For one client who had recently become a mother for the second time, a common sexual childhood game was recalled, causing her to fear she was a paedophile</li>
<li>Remembering a childhood crush when one was a child themselves can become distorted and feel to the thinker like a suppressed paedophilic memory</li>
<li>Some sufferers’ intrusive paedophilic-themed thoughts do not necessarily mean they fear they are a paedophile, rather, that these thoughts will prevent them from being happy, or gradually even turn them into a paedophile</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">Victims of childhood sexual abuse</a> can believe they will do the same to a child</li>
<li>Sufferers can misconstrue thoughts about a child’s appearance, for example a child’s perceived beauty or cuteness as being indicative of sexual intentions</li>
<li>Inadvertent physical contact with a child is believed to be intentional and driven by pleasure</li>
<li>Some sufferers begin to obsessively experience false memories (about having harmed a child) which they believe were repressed, causing worry</li>
<li>Any positive thoughts or feelings towards children are feared to be sexual in nature</li>
<li>Worries that noticing adult characteristics in young and developing children, such as the way they are dressed, or body parts indicates paedophilia</li>
<li>Second guessing behaviours and intentions toward their own children, or around children they know, which they never would have before (for example, why did I give him that toy, I must be trying to groom him)</li>
</ul>

What POCD Sufferers Think

<ul>
<li>Sufferers might start to avoid children</li>
<li>Things that remind of children, and therefore trigger thoughts will be avoided (like children’s TV shows)</li>
<li>Being very conscious of how to interact with children and therefore holding them in very deliberate ways, so that the child cannot brush genitalia</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">Intimacy and sex with one’s partner</a> might be avoided due to a fear of paedophilic thoughts</li>
<li>An individual will start to think about all their behaviour around children as being ill-intended and questionable, when previously, the same behaviour would be perfectly acceptable (such as doing or saying something nice to a child they know)</li>
<li>Telling close friends or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> about paedophilic thoughts so others can reassure them they have paedophilia OCD, rather than are a paedophile, and that their behaviour is not viewed as inappropriate, which means they are not a paedophile</li>
<li>Reassuring oneself about having confessed their thoughts to others, as this means they are not hiding anything</li>
<li>Another form of reassurance is to repeat a behaviour to prove to themselves that no wrong or sexual act took place. For example, interacting with a child more than they normally might, or picking up and putting down a child repeatedly</li>
<li>Obsessively researching about POCD and actual paedophilia to differentiate between the two</li>
<li>Keeping records of where one has been to confirm and reassure that one has not molested a child</li>
<li>Checking if being around children, or having thoughts of them results in arousal in the groin or anywhere else</li>
<li>Imagining and checking for signs of abuse in children when with them</li>
<li>Taking extra precautions around children, like putting trousers on to go to the bathroom at night, rather than passing a child’s room in boxers shorts</li>
</ul>

How POCD Sufferers Behave

Clearly POCD is a highly distressing condition. Do check out <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/paedophilic-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-pocd-ii/">Part II</a> which explores the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">help available to sufferers</a>.

Coming Up Next Time....

Hershfield, J. (2015). POCD: What Is Pedophile-Themed Obsessive-Compulsivesorder?. Sheppard Pratt. Retrieved 27 January 2022, from 

Tallis, F. (1996). Understanding obsessions and compulsions (3rd ed.). Sheldon.

Paedophilic Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (POCD) I

On this website, you&#8217;ll find pages that discuss what <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">trauma</a> and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> are. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a nuanced form of these and is also considered an &#8216;anxiety disorder&#8217;. 
If <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">PTSD</a> occurs, it relates to the experience of a traumatic event. The traumatic event that causes PTSD can be anything. It could be an experience in the home during childhood. It could be sexual assault. It could be witnessing a car accident. 
Almost anything that is difficult to process can cause PTSD. Two people may experience the same event, yet both may not develop PTSD. Its development depends on various individual factors. 
This article will discuss the symptoms of PTSD in Thomas Shelby (Tommy) from the BBC show The Peaky Blinders, exploring how PTSD is portrayed in the series. This will bring a greater understanding of what a person with PTSD might experience.
Because this is based on a fictitious character and is a case study about PTSD, some creative flair has been taken to emphasise how PTSD can be for some people. This article is solely the opinion of the author.

What Is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder?

Tommy experienced the horrors of serving in WWI. During the war, he will have witnessed bloodshed and death, horrific brutality, and perhaps even had to do things that he felt uncomfortable with.
Tommy lost his mother to suicide, and as the series progresses he lost his brother, wife, aunt Polly, daughter, and others. These losses, on top of what he lost in war, figuratively (parts of himself), and literally (comrades and friends) take their toll. This means &#8220;Complex Trauma&#8221; likely developed, this is when someone is exposed to several invasive and traumatic events that are varied and usually of an interpersonal nature.
Even though the war is over, Tommy will &#8216;relive&#8217; the traumatic events he experienced.

The Traumatic Event

Because of the horrors he experienced, and due to the nature of his day-to-day life, Tommy is often hyperaroused. He feels on edge and often experiences intrusive thoughts, which can come in the form of flashbacks, creating <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/panic-attacks/">panic</a>. This makes him feel out of control. Control is something he values highly, especially due to his difficult start in life.
He hates that he can become easily startled. He also feels frustrated that he&#8217;s unable to sleep. He often has trouble sleeping because he is hyperaroused and even when he falls asleep, he wakes up with terrifying nightmares about what happened to him and what he witnessed. It feels like he is reliving the experience all over again.
So he often wakes up, with a rapid heartbeat, and realises he is sweating and shaking. Physical symptoms like these can occur during waking life too when a person is reminded of the traumatic experience, for Tommy, the battle. 
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dfjKjMc39Wo?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Physiological Symptoms

Tommy often experiences very negative thoughts about himself. He feels guilty that he survived and others didn&#8217;t, believing he deserved to die and often wishing he had. There appears to be some depression at times, and suicidal ideation, all of which are compounded by one of his coping strategies; <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">substance misuse</a>.
Tommy is ashamed he survived and also that he cannot just &#8220;get on with it and be okay&#8221;. This has left him feeling hopeless and resigned to his misery. Tommy has a lot to handle. His family depends on him, but it&#8217;s difficult for him to focus and make decisions. This further increases his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">feelings of failure</a>.
These feelings, alongside insomnia and panic make Tommy irritable, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anger/">angry</a> which can make him reckless and self-destructive.

Emotional Symptoms

Tommy uses work as a distraction. Distraction is a form of avoidance. The more we avoid, the further down the spiral we go. This means issues are not dealt with and are there waiting to be triggered.
Another form of avoidance is Tommy&#8217;s use of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">alcohol and cigarettes</a>. These help him numb his feelings, and for a (short) time, feel some easement. More on this later&#8230;
Tommy avoids going to certain places and people &#8211; in fact, anything that might trigger a flashback, memory, and panic symptoms. This limits his lifeworld in ways and also maintains the problem. 
Tommy experiences a detached way of being in many of his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. He holds people at a certain distance, sharing only parts of himself and this demonstrates his fragmentation which requires integration. 
Anti-social behaviour: Although this is not strictly caused by Tommy&#8217;s PTSD, it does impact it. Tommy partakes in criminal activities and other forms of anti-social behaviour. His external world is chaotic, unpredictable, violent, stressful, and frightening, mirroring his inner world of flashbacks and nightmares, which relate to the war.

Behavioural Symptoms

Tommy uses <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">alcohol</a> (whisky, neat) and he smokes. Aside from the obvious physical health implications, there exist emotional and psychological impacts as well. But Tommy isn&#8217;t aware that there is a cost to alcohol&#8217;s soporific effect. Even though it helps him feel drowsy and welcomed into the bosom of sleep&#8230;it&#8217;s not restful.
Because alcohol inhibits regular sleep cycles by disrupting the normal pattern of light and deep sleep. People may wake up during the night, which means sleep is interrupted. Each time they wake up, the sleep cycle resets, starting again from light sleep. 
This means they are precluded from deeper sleep which is needed to feel rested. So Tommy wakes up tired, and even more irritable, and this lack of sleep wears down his ability to regulate his mood and emotions, making him feel less resilient and more vulnerable.
Alcohol impacts brain chemistry and therefore neural activity. So even though people like Tommy take alcohol for emotional comfort, this is misguided because it offers only short-term relief. Over time, more alcohol is required to soothe because tolerance has developed. 
And alcohol is a depressant so it slows basic functions, including motor function, affect, speech, reflexes, reactions, and general movement. It also distorts perceptions of immediate surroundings, and people. We are less able to think clearly and make well-informed decisions, based on clear judgments.
Cigarettes can also be a misguided attempt at relieving stress and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>. This is because of the chemical nicotine, which is both a depressant and a stimulant. Nicotine causes the release of the hormone epinephrine, creating a stimulant effect on the nervous system. 
People become addicted to the drug because they enjoy the initial feeling it gives them. But anxiety is exacerbated rather than relieved by the stimulant effect, and yet the behaviour is reinforced due to short-term pleasure and addiction.

Substance Misuse 

So life quality suffers because Tommy does not create opportunites for pleasure but perhaps also cannot experience it. This is because Tommy buries and compartmentalises his feelings, which allows him to cope. Alcohol helps him avoid his feelings, as does his obsession with work, another distraction. Day-to-day functioning is impaired in many ways. 
Unfortunately, this strategy provides no long-term solution. Tommy is at a dead-end of loneliness, pain, and misery.

Daily Functioning

It&#8217;s easy to see why people like Tommy, who experience PTSD due to traumatic events might turn to alcohol or drugs. But this increases mental health problems because it exacerbates them and can lead to severe anxiety, panic, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/why-is-suicide-so-prevalent-in-kpop-rip-moon-bin/">suicidal ideation</a> &#8211; as seen with Tommy. It is important instead to seek out a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">mental health professional</a> who can offer treatment options for people with PTSD.
Treatments for PTSD include group therapy, or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/emdr-therapy/">EMDR</a>). These are more well-known options for trauma, however, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">other options</a> can work just as well and should also be considered, based on individual needs and goals.

Treating PTSD

Edgewood Health Network. (n.d.). Is Alcohol a Stimulant or a Depressant? Retrieved from 

Ochsner Health. (n.d.). Tobacco-Free Living: The Legacy - Tobacco-Free Resources. Retrieved from 

Reynolds, G. (2022, January 25). Alcohol Disrupts Sleep Regulation. The New York Times. Retrieved from 

PTSD: Case Study of Thomas Shelby

As therapists or helpers, it&#8217;s likely we&#8217;ve all experienced imposter syndrome at some point in our careers. This is effectively about feelings of self-doubt. For example, some clients may seem resistant to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and unable to engage in the process, and some may push us beyond our limits and respond in ways we don&#8217;t expect. Or there are those clients who can make us feel as if we aren’t doing enough for them, that we should be doing more, making us forget that we aren’t supposed to ‘fix them’ or take on their responsibilities. And then there are those whose stories are so harrowing and devastating that we become uncertain about our ability to hold ‘their stuff’. None of these reasons are the client&#8217;s fault, but they can make us feel deskilled and inadequate.

The Many Reasons Psychotherapists May Experience Self-Doubt

These and other scenarios can make us feel incapable and even unwilling to traverse the depths of our field. We can experience analysis paralysis, whereby we are stopped in our tracks and consumed by overthinking. But just as we might encourage our client who is standing hesitantly at the cusp of a therapeutic breakthrough, to continue, we must also find the courage to keep calm and carry on, by confronting and tackling our own insecurities and professional self-doubt. Yes, having <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/learning-to-live-honestly/">humility</a> and the right attitude toward it is a positive thing. It can spur change, and our clients should change us. They help us learn about ourselves, and in so doing, learn how to provide better care for them.

The Impact

Overcoming self-doubt should be done responsibly, with the necessary support, such as regular supervision, speaking with colleagues, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> support, and self-care. This is because, it is during these testing times that we decide whether we are going to break or bend with the wind, and therefore grow as professionals, and as people.

Ways To Overcome Self-Doubt

So how might we overcome our doubts and fears? First and foremost, we must explore what it is in the client that causes such a visceral response in us. What is it about them, their personality, the way they are in relation, how they operate in therapy and the world, or ‘their stuff’ that is meeting with us and resulting in a chaotic reaction within? Indeed, we may recognise that their situation is too close to home for us, or that they themselves, are very similar to us. We may even be in denial about the similarity if they hold qualities that are a part of our own shadow, the part of ourselves we do not know or want to know. It could be that the client reminds us of someone else in our lives, perhaps they are similar to an attachment figure. Or, perhaps we genuinely do feel out of our depth with this person and her story, and this knowledge is creating a need to avoid confrontation of it because of its implications.

Questions To Ponder

That’s right, when we experience our breakthroughs, with ourselves, and therefore our more challenging cases, or clients, we have learned something that will serve us in multifarious ways. For example, we can gain confidence because we’ve learned something that makes us more capable, we build resilience, and all of these offer incredible reward from the accomplishment of having done our very best by our client. These are just some ways in which overcoming <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-understanding-your-anxiety-response-will-empower-you/">our fears</a> and self-doubts can serve us.

What This Does

Undoubtedly, in these situations, we must behave ethically and responsibly, toward our clients, and ourselves, and exploration of the issues can make for some difficult realisations and therefore, decisions. But all is not lost. There is always something to be gained, even in times when we might feel defeated, and as long as we do not overlook the lesson, we have become quite rich indeed.
As therapists, we aim to help individuals confront their fears and pain, how can we hope to facilitate this kind of courage if we are immobilised in the face of our challenges? The answer is simply that we cannot and therefore should not even try. So it is important to know what to do when we are feeling vulnerable because of a particular client, or issue.
Ultimately, it’s about what will best serve our client. Sometimes, it can be useful to share our feelings about the client or her therapeutic process with her, but this is only true if we are doing it for her and her therapy. That is, will sharing this helps us move forward together? Will we be able to learn something new and useful by exploring the stuckness we feel?
I think it’s important to communicate to our client that we want to work through it with them, and for them, this intention should always be conveyed. But, ultimately, it is not enough if we are not able to sufficiently help. This is when we must be honest to and for our client in the most sensitive, careful, and responsible way. Even if we cannot work together anymore, this will still be a kind of progress; because the client can find someone more suitable, and as <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">practitioners</a>, we can develop in the ways we have identified.

It’s Always About The Client

Even though this article is mainly aimed at <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapists</a>, I would also urge any clients who feel they’re at an impasse with their therapy or therapist to open the dialogue; your therapist will likely be feeling this too and should take your input in the spirit intended because it’s about what YOU need from your therapy. And as ethical, responsible, and humble practitioners, we must continuously strive to ensure our clients receive the best care possible. This requires open and honest dialogue between therapist and self, and therapist and client.

Open & Honest Dialogue

The Value Of Confronting Self-Doubt As A Psychotherapist

It&#8217;s quite common for one person to have doubts about <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and there are many reasons why one person might be reluctant. For example, some people feel threatened by the idea of entering into therapy and having marriage counselling sessions, believing it signifies the end of the relationship by revealing they are incompatible with their partner. Some simply find the idea of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship counselling</a> daunting, uncomfortable, or humiliating. Some people have already tried therapy sessions and had a negative experience. For instance they may have found it unhelpful, that it made their situation worse, or felt as though the previous couples therapist and their partner ganged up on them. All of these fears are understandable. However, it&#8217;s important to consider that unless we attempt to overcome such issues and get the right support, we risk stagnation and remaining in an unhappy, and dysfunctional situation.

When One Of Us Doesn't Want To Take Part In Therapy

It&#8217;s quite common for couples to believe that their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">relationship problems</a> arise because the other person is at fault in some way, and that the mental health professional should aim to fix the partner. However, it&#8217;s very likely that we play down our own role in the situation. A <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">good therapist</a> will aim to understand relationship issue(s) from both sides and show both partners the other&#8217;s position. They will also emphasise how each position makes sense to each person, with the aim of helping couples to empathise and understand the other’s view. A good exercise that therapists sometimes use in couples therapy is to ask each person what they themselves need to do to become a more effective partner. This is useful because it shifts the idea of being passive and expecting our partner to change, we can realise that there are also things that we can do to help.

When I Think The Problem Is My Partner

It can feel worrying for individuals when they believe they&#8217;re more committed to the relationship than their partner is, and it may surprise you to learn that sometimes the less committed person is also bothered by their own lack of commitment because it indicates to them that something is not quite right, making them feel uneasy. However, according to Dr Wile, for the purposes of couples therapy it can actually be quite helpful to have one partner who is more committed. He argues that the enthusiasm of the more motivated person can be used to drive real change and help improve the situation, such that it can encourage the less committed partner and help the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationship</a> overall.

When One Of Us Is More Committed Than The Other

One of you may be more interested in working on the sexual relationship, while the other is focused on issues around <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">managing the children</a>, or chores. Therapy may help you help your spouse to understand what feels important to you, and vice versa. Dr Wile highlights that we should not wait for our partner’s motivation or level of commitment to catch up to our own, as this delays our own willingness to take the lead in change. It&#8217;s also important to realise that an apparent lack of commitment may not signify a lack of commitment to the relationship, but rather to the issue being tackled in therapy. Therapy can be incredibly useful because it allows couples to come to new understandings and compromise about things that at face value may seem quite discouraging.

When We're Focused On Different Issues

Look out for Part III of this article (How Couples Therapy Can Help) which will discuss clarifies what couples therapy is, how it works, and what it has to offer, to enable informed decision making for those considering <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">couples</a> work.

Next In The Series...

An Introduction To Couples Therapy: Part II Doubts About Counselling

Founder, Rehanna Kauser welcomes you to Phinity and our homepage.

A Warm Welcome From Phinity Therapy

Rehanna discusses some of the issues we work with at Phinity Therapy.

Rehanna Talks Issues

Rehanna briefly discusses some of Phinity’s mental health services and the kind of care you can expect.

Rehanna Discusses Phinity Services

Most of us know about the stage theory of grief (i.e., the 7 stages) but do you know how to move through the stages in a healthier way? This video discusses a lesser known grief model to help process human loss.
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At Phinity Therapy Birmingham, we offer bereavement counselling, including existential psychotherapy, and CBT.

The HEALTHIER WAY To Grieve

So many mental health professionals aren&#8217;t there! Do you know what the differences are between a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-counsellor-psychiatrist-psychotherapist-and-psychologist/">counsellor, psychologist, and psychiatrist?</a> Learn now so you can judge best who can support your therapeutic needs!

What Your THERAPIST'S TITLE REALLY MEANS!

It can feel frightening to seek help for mental health disturbances at the best of times, but due to the nature of the problem, for sufferers of POCD, the prospect of seeking treatment can be horrifying.  However, it&#8217;s important to remember that POCD is a form of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/obsessive-compulsive-disorders-ocd/">OCD</a>, and will be treated by clinicians in much the same way.  An evidence-based treatment for OCD, and therefore P<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/paedophile-themed-obessive-compulsive-disorder-pocd/">OCD</a> is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).  <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">CBT</a> is incredibly versatile and can be used to treat several problems.  For POCD, therapists will often draw upon a mixture of cognitive, behavioural, and mindfulness-based techniques.

Part II: The Help Available For Sufferers Of POCD

<h3></h3>
<h3>Magnifying and Minimizing</h3>
Cognitions, that is., thoughts, are central to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/transforming-behavior-and-rewiring-the-brain-cbt/">CBT</a>.  They influence how we feel and therefore how we behave in response.  Thus, in the treatment of POCD, cognitive approaches will emphasise the importance of recognising and noticing inaccurate, and unhelpful beliefs relating to fears around paedophilia.  It might be that you have a tendency toward magnifying and minimizing, that is, you magnify the unhelpful worries, and minimise anything you do or feel that could counter your fears. For example, one client was able to spend an enjoyable weekend with his partner and young nephew without harming him but his mind minimised this fact, and magnified the intrusive thought “Well, you would have done something if you were alone with him”.
<h3>Black-and-White Thinking</h3>
Another maladaptive thinking style that cognitive approaches might address is black-and-white thinking, this is the idea of thinking in extreme terms, such as, &#8220;Because I had that intrusive thought, I am a paedophile&#8220;.  Cognitive therapy helps individuals challenge distorted thinking styles, not by replacing them with positive thoughts, but rather by offering a more balanced view that is realistic and objective.

Cognitive Approaches For POCD

Behavioural <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt-helps-addictions/">CBT</a> draws on Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) to treat POCD.  This involves retraining yourself to resist compulsions and confronting anxieties in a paced and manageable way.  It&#8217;s likely that before this point individuals are partaking in reassuring or avoidant behaviours. ERP asks individuals to confront the feared situation instead, without using reassuring behaviours. This could mean re-engaging with tasks that involve children you know without engaging in rituals or resisting the urge to modify your behaviour due to fears like avoiding children you would normally see. Instead, you would be asked to resume usual activities with children (like bathing your child) and/or take part in cognitive or imaginal exposures like confronting and welcoming the intrusive thoughts to diminish their strength over time.

Behavioural Approaches For POCD

Mindfulness is about being consciously present in our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, or environment.  Mindfulness teaches the importance of simply observing these, not judging, or reacting to them.  Understandably, therefore, mindfulness is a valuable aspect of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">CBT</a> work, especially for anxiety ‘disorders’, like POCD, which are maintained by mental rituals.  Mindfulness allows us to notice the act of ritualising, to observe the thoughts attached, and to realise there are other more helpful ways we might respond.  In this way we can learn to confront and accept intrusive thoughts, to expose ourselves to a new way of being, that is, responding in a way that may not feel right, and in addition, learn that rather than punish ourselves, we can be non-judgemental and accepting.  In this way, mindfulness allows us to learn that thoughts are simply thoughts, and we can give them a bit of headspace so that gradually they lose power.

Mindfulness For POCD

No.  CBT attempts to teach you to accept your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a> provoking thoughts, discomforts, and fears as valid.  Treatment is geared toward highlighting that these very worries demonstrate your strong moral values and desire to not harm.  Acceptance of this is what can strengthen your ability to identify new and more helpful ways of responding to challenging thoughts and fears.

Is CBT Telling Me To Accept Something That Goes Against Everything I Believe?

<h3></h3>
<h3>Why POCD Occurs</h3>
POCD can emerge in various ways, for some it’s a new theme.  That is, they have experienced <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/obsessive-compulsive-disorders-ocd/">OCD</a> before and POCD is the ‘flavour of the month’.  For others, it can happen after having children, or for other reasons that may or may not relate to having children, such as deciding to plan a family.  Whether you’ve had experience of OCD or not, however, it is no less frightening.  But one thing you might know if you have experienced OCD is how it works, and that offers the advantage of knowing that you are not an awful person who should be locked away, rather, you are again suffering with a form of OCD, but knowledge is power, and you can beat it.
<h3>Why POCD Must Be Treated</h3>
Although CBT treatment for POCD has proven effective, even with the preceding explanation, it is likely still a frightening prospect.  Being asked to confront thoughts that scare and sicken you will be unwelcome news indeed, but what is the alternative? You have tried avoidance and rituals and yet, here you are.  POCD wants to control you, it wants you to submit to its will, to exhaust you by having you worry about all aspects of your life; what you do, where you go, who you interact with, how you interact with children, what you watch, and buy, POCD wants all of you, yes even your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/identity-issues/">identity</a> is at stake.  POCD wants you to lose everything by learning that you are the thing you fear the most, a paedophile.
<h3>How ERP Will Help</h3>
Thus ERP, rather than something to be feared and avoided (as the POCD wants), is the very thing that might save you from this onslaught.  ERP will teach you how to combat POCD’s tyranny and it will never ask you to do anything that infringes on your values, like harming a child.  However, this does not mean it will be easy, you will be tested and asked to experience unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and situations, but you’re already doing this at the hands of POCD.  The difference is that when you suffer because of ERP, you are learning something, you are moving in a progressive direction because as you gradually begin to experience less <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, you start to feel that bit more free of POCD’s wretched hold on your life, you can start to do the things you used to without being misjudged and punished by POCD.

Clarifying POCD & ERP 

This is one of the traps that POCD sets for you; the need to prove to yourself that you are not the thing you fear the most.  You will likely have searched online, watched some shows, and talked to people about paedophiles, essentially, you’ve been looking for information because you must convince yourself that you aren’t sexually attracted to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd-in-children/">children</a>.
You do this because you want reassurance, you want to be 100% certain that you are not a paedophile.  This sends you into the obsessive-compulsive cycle of POCD, you are searching for the gold at the end of the rainbow, but there is no such proof to be found, for you, or me, because we cannot prove a negative.  So instead of chasing certainty, we might instead strive for confidence, faith, and trust in our core selves. This is difficult when one is consumed by OCD, however, by being open to uncertainty, we can live in ways that do not strengthen <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/paedophilic-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-pocd-i/">POCD</a>’s stranglehold, for example by undertaking endless research.
Seeking to prove a negative is also accompanied by another less sophisticated trap of OCD.  This is the belief that if you are capable of harming a child, then you will.  Capability however would not stand up in a court of law, if it did, we would all likely be behind bars for something.  It is therefore important to separate a possibility from a probability, just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I will.  So, if you are having horrible intrusive thoughts about children right now, then this is your current experience right now, and that is all.

But How Do I Know I’m Not A Paedophile?

It is important to realise that you are not alone in this, and there is nothing inherently wrong with you.  You might be struggling with thoughts and feelings about children that disgust and frighten you because you have a common mental health condition called OCD, of which one variation is POCD.  But just as the disorder was triggered or developed, it can be treated effectively like any other mental health disorder when the right treatment is used.  So, if you or someone you know is suffering with POCD, access the antidote.

Do Not Suffer Alone Needlessly

Hershfield, J. (2015). POCD Part 2: Treating Pedophile-Themed OCD. Sheppard Pratt. Retrieved 27 January 2022, from 

Paedophilic Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (POCD) II

The shadow self or shadow therapy are things you might not have heard of, but knowing about your shadow is crucial. Why is this? Because you have one and by not understanding it, you&#8217;re at a great disadvantage in many ways and many areas of your life. So first let&#8217;s think about how the Oxford University Press defines the word &#8216;shadow&#8217;:
A dark shape cast on a surface by an object blocking rays of light; more generally, an area of relative darkness.
This definition hints at why Swiss Psychoanalyst and Psychologist Carl Jung termed the hidden parts of ourselves &#8216;The Shadow&#8217;.
So what is your shadow self? According to Jung, who was one of Freud&#8217;s most promising mentees, the shadow in Jungian psychology refers to the parts of you that are out of your conscious awareness. These are your base, primal, chaotic, impulsive parts, the things your ego represses from you, the things that are ugly, terrifying, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/narcissistic-personality-disorder/">narcissistic</a>, painful, aggressive, greedy, embarrassing, or shameful. These are the very things you would never want to see in yourself because they conflict with your values or those of society. Because of this, these instincts, qualities, desires, urges, impulses, or feelings are buried into a part of you that is hidden and will remain hidden to you unless you look at the shadow self and learn about, and from it.

What Is The “Shadow Self”?

In short &#8211; yes. Jung said:
“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” 
Indeed, if you consider what the shadow in psychology means, you will notice that no one can be without it. The shadow self is where our egos can push all the stuff that we think is too threatening, uncomfortable, or harmful to us.
Imagine you receive a horrible letter from someone you believe treated you badly. In the letter they&#8217;re saying lots of awful things about you, how you&#8217;re a disappointment and should be ashamed of yourself. You screw up the letter and chuck it in the drawer and forget about it. Now you don&#8217;t have to be reminded of it &#8211; out of sight, out of mind. In this example, the letter contains &#8216;shadow traits&#8217; and you are playing the role of your ego, which does a good job of filing it away, into your unconscious mind, specifically the shadow &#8211; you guessed it &#8211; the drawer. We all have this function and ability, it&#8217;s fantastic at what it does, and it protects us from that which will make us feel bad but there&#8217;s a downside &#8211; we&#8217;re unable to learn about our pain points, the parts of us that might benefit from some mining&#8230;

Do We All Have A Shadow?

Now that you understand the shadow in psychology, I will explain further why it&#8217;s so important for you to consider the shadow self and more specifically question what is your shadow self because by identifying your shadow you can bring to your conscious mind the parts of you that are stunting you, and whether alone, or starting shadow therapy, you can achieve personal growth by accepting and integrating your shadow.
Let&#8217;s take a relatively contemporary way of looking at it. In The Lord of the Rings, we can think of the Mines of Moria as the unconscious. The Fellowship (our conscious self) must enter the Mines and face the Balrog. This is our shadow. It&#8217;s repressed and supressed because it&#8217;s terrible and could do a lot of harm. It&#8217;s angry, tyrannical, dangerous, impulsive, violent, destructive, and terrifying! But according to Jung, to know oneself is to know one&#8217;s shadow. Sometimes, we must travel a deep, dark, winding, and challenging path to get out the other side. Just as the Fellowship did and so the journey continued toward their greater goal.
Furthermore, the shadow doesn&#8217;t just contain the parts about you that you would deem &#8216;bad&#8217;, it also houses the good of you that you have been unable to perceive in this way because you&#8217;ve been criticised or shamed about these aspects. For example, imagine a child talking to her <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a>, and suddenly her mother blurts out: &#8220;Wow I didn&#8217;t realise how crooked your teeth are!&#8221;. Since then this child has found it hard to smile fully because she&#8217;s become self-conscious. So in her shadow lies her smile. She cannot smile with abandon, cannot be present in moments that would evoke a true and genuine smile because she&#8217;s very conscious about lifting her hand to her mouth or staying quiet. This takes away from the ability to experience true joy. How sad, right? So imagine if this is just one way someone can improve their existence. What else might there be to learn, and what might come of this learning for you and your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>, opportunities, and overall <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/wellbeing-assessment/">well-being</a> and life? More on the risks of an unknown shadow below&#8230;

Why Do I Need To Know My Shadow Self?

The shadow self is affected by &#8220;negative emotions&#8221; in a few ways. Firstly because your shadow is made up of the parts of you that you disapprove of or find reprehensible in some way, you will notice the same traits in others. So just think about some of the qualities or attributes you see in others that you feel strongly averse to. Jung tells us that the reason you may have a strong reaction to these traits is because they&#8217;re the parts of you that you&#8217;ve pushed into your shadow.
An example of this might be someone who is actively homophobic, they denigrate <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/lgbtq-support/">gay</a> people, and may even go as far as committing hate crimes against them. This person may be hiding their homosexuality from themselves because whenever the subject of being gay has been discussed within their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a> or peer groups, they&#8217;ve heard derogatory and upsetting things. So the shame they internalise, and the disappointment they believe others will feel cause them to hide a part of themselves, from themselves. Indeed, the way we&#8217;ve appraised something affects what goes into our shadow. If we deem it to be bad or threatening to our psyche in some way, it&#8217;s going in the drawer.

How Negative Emotions Affect My Shadow Self

<h3>Use Shadow Work Prompts</h3>
Shadow work prompts are questions we can ask ourselves to bring forth awareness of our shadow. They aim to access our emotions, perceptions, beliefs, and darker thoughts that have been repressed. For example, let&#8217;s say you&#8217;ve noticed that some friends tend to avoid you and you wonder what this is about. During shadow therapy, I might ask you if there&#8217;s anyone who you&#8217;re close to that you dislike being around. You may answer: &#8220;Well, actually, my mum, she was quite a depressed person and she always made me feel down and bad&#8220;. You may realise then, that actually, you often feel down and maybe this is why your friends avoid you at times. So, because of this exploration of the shadow self, you decide to ask one of your friends (or maybe all of them) if they think that you&#8217;re a bit of a &#8216;downer&#8217; at times, as casually as you can of course. One of your friends who is usually quite straightforward says: &#8220;Well, you know, I do find that sometimes you can be quite pessimistic and negative&#8220;. Now of course this won&#8217;t feel good, but it does give you some things to consider. Indeed, any questions about people around you that provoke a strong reaction in you, may teach you about yourself and offer opportunities for growth. Other examples of prompts involve thinking about emotions you regularly feel and attempting to understand these via description. A skilled <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapist</a> can help you to dig into them if this is difficult for you to do by yourself. Other ways to consult your shadow may involve times in which you&#8217;ve felt criticised, shamed, or shut down in some way.
<h3>Talk To A Therapist</h3>
So as you can probably imagine the shadow self is much more likely to emerge via shadow <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/a-warm-welcome-from-phinity-therapy/">therapy</a>, this does not mean that you have to find someone who does &#8220;shadow therapy&#8221;, it means you have to find a therapist who&#8217;s familiar with Carl Jung&#8217;s shadow self, or at least the idea of the shadow. Most decent therapists will be able to help you access your shadow traits via explorative questioning. It&#8217;s what most good therapists do; help you to bring forth to consciousness, that which may be hidden. Now although it was hidden for  good reason, it may no longer be serving you. It&#8217;s likely hindering you so working with your shadow in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">therapy</a>, whether it&#8217;s named in such terms, or not, is important for learning about yourself, and how you&#8217;re impacted by what you don&#8217;t know. So by talking to a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapist</a>, you can go from being in the shadow about the darkest parts of yourself to knowing what it is that you&#8217;ve put into that drawer and forgotten about. By knowing this, you can make informed and better choices . Furthermore, you can accept the parts of yourself that are good but have been subdued, and integrate them.
<h3>Try Shadow Journaling</h3>
Now whether you&#8217;re partaking in shadow therapy or not, you can still start shadow journalling. This is something your therapist may recommend if they think you&#8217;ll benefit from it. Clients often report the benefits of journalling; it offers them a different mode of expression which can allow them to reflect and express a stream of consciousness that may involve shifts, such that things come into awareness that would not have so easily, without this mode of expression. And it may be helpful to focus on shadow prompts when journalling to access the shadow self  or ask your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-counsellor-psychiatrist-psychotherapist-psychologist/">therapist</a> what questions they would recommend as useful for you specifically.
<h3>Pay Attention to Your Dreams</h3>
Freud called our dreams the royal road to the unconscious. This is because dreams are thought to reveal unknown parts of ourselves, that&#8217;s right, your shadow. Indeed, when we dream our ego is less able to keep a tight lid on that jar, so unconscious smatterings of truth seep and filter out of that tightly guarded inner sanctum. But the ego is very clever, cunning, and robust. It still uses some ingenious ways to disguise the dream content. According to Freud, there are two types of content in our dreams: latent and manifest. The latter is what we perceive and describe when we recount the dream, the latent content is the underneath of this, the real meaning of the dream that the ego is still hiding.
<h3>Meditate</h3>
You might wonder how meditating can help someone embrace their shadow. First, it&#8217;s important to understand what meditating means, and not in the loose way that some words take hold when they enter the daily lexicon. The term &#8216;meditate&#8217; comes from Latin and means to measure or contemplate. So when meditating on the shadow in psychology, this means that instead of attempting to enter a passive or inactive state in which you quieten your mind, you  reflect on the conflicts, triggers, or emotional difficulties you&#8217;ve experienced in your day and think about the qualities that really bother you in other people. Then going further by exploring what this might teach you about your shadow self, that is, your deeper self.
<h3>Identify Your Fears and Insecurities</h3>
Another thing you could meditate on then are your fears and insecurities. Of course, these could be further explored in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/act-therapy-demystified-enhancing-well-being/">therapy</a> as well, because having that mirror (the therapist) might allow you to go deeper and see parts of you that have been placed in your shadow precisely because you feel insecure or fearful about them. For example, you may have a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/fear-of-public-speaking/">fear of public speaking</a>, this usually links to some deeper insecurity that developed in you and because you haven&#8217;t confronted this, you&#8217;re stuck with the way it impacts you &#8211; the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a> you feel any time you have to speak publicly. Or you may simply avoid speaking in front of others altogether, and this limits your opportunities and keeps you feeling afraid and insecure. Knowledge of why, will give you something to build on.
<h3>Practice Nonjudgment toward Yourself</h3>
This is very important in general but especially when attempting to work with your shadow self. Remember, much of what you&#8217;ve pushed down into that drawer is because it disagrees with the morals or values that were instilled in you by others and wider society. This means that even things like the previous example of a fear of public speaking are not your fault. So rather than blaming or comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as incapable, which impacts your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>, you can instead accept this part of your shadow and show compassion and kindness. This will help you integrate and progress rather than add to your burden,

How To Embrace Your Shadow Self

Although there are &#8216;shadow types&#8217;  and systems of shadow types mentioned on some websites, it is important to know that Jung himself did not create a formal system of shadow types. There are however things in the shadow that we might call qualities, traits, or feelings that are deemed undesirable or unacceptable based on one&#8217;s own beliefs or values, or those of society. These are what are termed &#8216;types of shadow selves&#8217; by some. These &#8216;shadow selves&#8217; are personality traits in effect and may include things like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/jealousy-envy/">envy</a>, ego, greed, neurosis, prejudice, hate, or aggression. Some &#8216;shadow systems&#8217; may give these &#8216;personality types&#8217; names like Magician, Maiden, and so on, each with their own attributes.

Types Of Shadow Selves

Jung wrote:
<blockquote>
&#8220;A man who is possessed by his shadow is always standing in his own light and falling into his own traps&#8230;living below his own level.&#8221;
</blockquote>
When you suppress your shadow self, you perpetuate friction and conflict within yourself and it continues to impact your life in very real and limiting ways. For example, you will remain unaware of the undesirable and unacceptable parts of you that you will keep unconsciously projecting into other people around you and this creates problems in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">relationships</a>.
Who hasn&#8217;t heard of the person who cheats and is prone to jealousy? They project their untrustworthiness onto others in a general sense, but especially in romantic <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationships.</a> This person is often unaware that their suspicion of others is due to their own untrustworthiness  because it&#8217;s in their shadow. So they will genuinely believe others cannot be trusted. Thus the risk of a suppressed shadow means we feel and behave unconsciously and this could manifest as defensiveness, possessiveness, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/ask-yourself-this-question-to-change-your-life/">anger</a>, and aggression. Our ego will compensate by creating false narratives like others cannot be trusted. This makes us feel validated, effectively enabling our shadow but keeping us in the dark, and perpetuating destructive behaviours that ruin relationships, for example, and mean we struggle in life.

What Happens When You Suppress Your Shadow Self?

Confronting the shadow self, whether that&#8217;s via formal or informal shadow <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapy</a>, or by doing your own work, offers your shadow self meaning. It means you are no longer ignoring a big part of you, and you are able to do some digging into your psyche and mine gold! When I say gold, I say this not simply because you will find some wonderful parts of you that were unfairly relegated to your shadow self due to the erroneous messages you internalised. No, also because by confronting the aspects about you that you or others deem undesirable or unacceptable, you can accept and integrate them. You will experience difficulty along the way because these are parts of you that you&#8217;ve pushed down for good reason. But, by facing pain and delaying pleasure, you will experience true pleasure. Because when you know yourself, you can choose who you truly wish to be and live your truth.

What Happens When You Accept Your Shadow Self?

So let&#8217;s summarise: as children we are more free and we seek pleasure and want to avoid pain. This is the part of us that Freud termed the &#8216;id&#8217;. So we do what we instinctively feel like doing to attain pleasure and avoid pain. It&#8217;s also easier because we have fewer conditions placed on us.
As we get older, we become more restricted, by parents, siblings, friends, school teachers, partners, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">employers</a>, and society at large. We must assimilate all these rules, therefore the ego emerges. This part attempts to balance the desires of the id with the superego, which houses all those mentioned who want us to conform. But this conformity is not without a cost. Indeed there&#8217;s always a battle between the id (pleasure seeker) and superego (society) and therefore the ego has to suppress the parts of us that come from our deeper self, this is the shadow. But knowing your shadow might bring you closer to your true values and self, and make you happier. Indeed, we cannot simply act on every desire or impulse but knowing what these are, and accepting that we cannot act on them is healthier than locking them deep down where they remain in stasis.
So instead of remaining in perpetual conflict with our shadow parts by resisting and rejecting them and unknowingly projecting them onto other people (which creates problems of its own), we can own our &#8216;stuff&#8217; and accept the good and the bad. But also, work with and through it toward what Jung called the ego ideal &#8211; a more integrated self.

Conclusion

Freud., S. (1995). The interpretation of dreams ; and On dreams : (1900-1901). Hogarth Press.  ‌

Jung, C. G. (1991). The archetypes and the collective unconscious. Routledge.  ‌

Oxford Reference. (2019). Oxford Reference - Answers with Authority. Oxfordreference.com. 

Weaver, T. (2022, November 29). Embracing The Shadow - Carl Jung. Orion Philosophy. 

Shadow Self: What Is It And How To Find It

Are you someone who has never fallen in love and wondered why can&#8217;t I love? If so, read on. It&#8217;s crucial to know why an inability to love is important to figure out. This understanding might come from the answer to another question: Why don&#8217;t I feel love? The answer to this question connects with the first one. We need to be open to love so that we, too, can receive and feel love. In this article, we&#8217;re going to look at 11 psychological reasons that could help you understand why you&#8217;re unable to love and in turn, experience love. But it&#8217;s also key to understand if the reason you can&#8217;t experience love is normal and then learn how you can overcome your fear around it. Yes &#8211; we need to know what the options are so that we can not only experience love but also fulfilment because as cliché as it sounds, we are social beings, and not only do we learn about ourselves through our <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a> with <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a> members, and friends, but we also develop and grow through them &#8211; if we&#8217;re lucky.

Introduction

<h3>Fear of Commitment</h3>
This is a commonly known reason for why some <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationships</a> break down &#8211; &#8220;he had a fear of commitment&#8221; but do we ever ask what this is about? Well, there are various reasons why someone might fear committing to someone but one of the deeper reasons for this is a fear of vulnerability. Some people may have never experienced loving relationships or healthy love and when they meet someone who seems to be offering these, they get scared, they simply do not know what to do with this kind of romantic love. They cannot give it what it demands of them; a deeper level of authenticity and connection. So these people do not experience long-term love, and when the <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-i/">relationship</a> ends (because of relationship-destructive behaviours and mixed signals), they wonder &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; and end up reinforcing their belief that they were right not to trust the relationship &#8211; creating an unhelpful relational pattern that keeps them stuck and unhappy.
<h3>Past Relationship Trauma</h3>
Another reason that you might wonder: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; is because you&#8217;re simply not ready for a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship</a>. You&#8217;ve been in love or have experienced many failed <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">romantic</a><a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/"> relationships</a> that have made you set up a fortress around your heart. Your heart is not trusting and open to potential partners because you&#8217;ve had it broken one too many times. This guardedness serves a very valid function for you, it keeps you safe, but it also means like Rapunzel in her tower, you remain alone and isolated. Even when you do venture out and allow yourself to meet new people you might see red flags where there are pink ones, or none at all. This makes you retreat into your safe world, your tower and remain isolated and alone. So if you&#8217;re wondering why don&#8217;t I feel love, think instead about whether you&#8217;re allowing love in, rather than assuming it&#8217;s because there&#8217;s something wrong with you.
<h3>Childhood Trauma</h3>
Many people have experienced problems in their childhood, and for some children, this can be traumatic. It can help explain why they find it hard to experience healthy relationships because they never really had any or something happened that affected their ability to trust. As children, we need to feel safe to experience healthy connections with our caregivers. As adults this need for safety and sanctuary does not disappear. We might experience some of this with our friends and <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a>, but we try to create it with our significant other because usually, this is the person we want to be closest to. But, if you experienced <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">childhood trauma</a> or (subconsciously) thought: &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; you might also find that as an adult you are unable to find trusting relationships. This may be because you seek the wrong partners and recreate unhelpful dynamics, or it might be because you do not even allow yourself to enter into meaningful relationships. Your childhood trauma has a far-reaching impact for your life.
<h3>Low Self-Worth</h3>
If you&#8217;ve ever had the thought: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; you are also revealing something about how you view yourself. This statement assumes that there is a fault in you that makes you unlovable &#8211; it is a blaming question and needs to be questioned. When we believe we&#8217;re unlovable it&#8217;s because we&#8217;ve internalised messages from those around us, whether those were explicit or implicit. For example, if you were often criticised or shamed, your <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a> would be diminished. Or maybe you weren&#8217;t criticised but you felt ignored and invisible, or unimportant. This is what I meant when I said earlier that we develop through our relationships with others. If those around you, whether they were family, friends, colleagues, or partners, said or did things that made you feel bad about yourself in some way, they may have contributed to this core (subconscious) belief of &#8220;I am unlovable because I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221;. This lack of self-worth will affect you not only in love, but in all interpersonal relationships.
<h3>You Identify as Aromantic</h3>
Now if you have never fallen in love, it could be something else entirely. You may be what is known as aromantic, or &#8220;aro&#8221; as it&#8217;s also known. This describes a person who has little to no romantic attraction to others. This should not be confused with asexual, as some aromantic people can still experience sexual attraction, whereas some do not. Some people feel okay about identifying as and being aromantic as they are not bothered by a lack of romantic relationships because they do not experience a desire for them. However, for some, it can be a cause for concern, but one that they ultimately accept about themselves. But this does not mean that aromantic people do not get married or experience relationships &#8211; they do because companionship may still be important to them. But, if you have wondered: &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I love&#8221; then maybe consider that you may have a different <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/lgbtq-support/">relationship orientation</a>, especially if you notice something about yourself that seems to be atypical when it comes to traditional relationship norms.
<h3>Mental or Physical Illness Interfering</h3>
Sometimes not being able to fall in love might have to do with opportunity. If you&#8217;re experiencing enduring difficulties with health, whether that&#8217;s <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/chronic-physical-health-problems/">physical</a> or mental health problems, you may not be in the best position to find love. This does not mean that you need it any less you may feel the desire for a special someone even more keenly than you did when you were well. But when we are physically unwell, this also impacts our mental wellbeing. We might experience <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">low mood</a>, <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/stress-worry/">stress</a>, or all of these, and these can compound <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/isolation-loneliness/">loneliness</a>. Of course, if you&#8217;re feeling sad and lonely, or <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxious</a>, rather than experiencing a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/chronic-fatigue-syndrome/">physical health problem</a>, you&#8217;re likely going to experience these more strongly by the lack of love in your life. This further highlights the importance of social contact and connection and the need for safety in our relationships.
<h3>Fear of Losing Yourself</h3>
You may have made a decision and told yourself: &#8220;I can&#8217;t love&#8221; and you may or may not be okay with this deep down. But, let&#8217;s look at why this might be the case in the first place. Some people have had relationships, or come out of a long-term one that has made them learn about not only what they might want in a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">relationship</a> if they decide to enter into one again, but also realise what they don&#8217;t want. Indeed, when we&#8217;re with a partner, we can become enmeshed with one another; forming similar routines, eating together, sharing friends and interests, and sometimes feeling restricted in ways, but compromising anyway. Then we sample life without the person, this may bring some very real difficulties but another thing it brings is more freedom and choice. At first, this can make one feel a bit lost and ungrounded. But when this passes, we feel the benefits and this is hard to give up, but can there be a happy medium?
<h3>Fear of Abandonment</h3>
If you&#8217;ve ever experienced abandonment, whether that&#8217;s been in childhood and/or since, you&#8217;ve experienced rejection. Abandonment and rejection form the root fear that most of us have when it comes to relationships. Indeed, we seek safety in our deeper connections, this offers a sense of security and trust and validates our existence in those relationships and at a deeper core level. When, however, we experience being left, hurt, rejected in ways, or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/abandonment-anxiety/">abandoned</a>, we develop a fear because of how damaging this can be to us. This fear serves to develop a function in future relationships, it creates an internal working model for us, or a blueprint that we can use in future relationships. We learn that to be and stay safe, we must guard against abandonment, and how does one guard against being abandoned? One either does not enter into romantic <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">relationship</a>s, does but does not commit, or self-sabotages and leaves before being left. But all this does is falsely reinforce the deeper question that went unanswered the first time we were hurt: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love?&#8221;
<h3>Expectations Too High</h3>
If you&#8217;ve never fallen in love or have but never managed to sustain a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-iii-how-couples-therapy-can-help/">relationship</a> and find yourself asking: &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I love?&#8221; it might be because your expectations are too high. Now this might sound like you&#8217;re being asked to settle, but assuredly, you&#8217;re not. Let me explain; when we grow up on a cocktail of Disney films, Hollywood, Bollywood, and all that jazz, we believe in a perfect partner that will sweep us off our feet and make the kind of grand gestures we see in all of that trite. You might say &#8220;Well, no actually, I don&#8217;t expect all that, just someone to understand/accept me/*insert other requirement here*. You may be right, but your expectations may still be a bit skewed. Indeed, no person in the world will be perfect for you, or exactly what you want or need. It&#8217;s because we&#8217;re all so unique and affected by so much in our worlds, that we simply cannot fit one another. We have to be malleable, and flexible, and this means making compromises, in our requirements first, and then, with our potential partners, as long as the important things like values, can align. Otherwise, we end up with no one.
<h3>You Love Being Single</h3>
This one may follow from not wanting to lose yourself, or perhaps it&#8217;s about wanting to explore yourself. You may enjoy your freedom too much and love your independence. This may be why it&#8217;s not a matter of can&#8217;t fall in love, but rather, why you don&#8217;t allow yourself to. You stop yourself from getting uncomfortably close to potential partners because you enjoy the early phases of a relationship, or you simply avoid them altogether and just date, or do situationships, or the friends with benefits thing. So if you&#8217;re ever asking yourself &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I fall in love?&#8221; you may want to think about how you feel about committed relationships and whether you value your singledom too much. If you do, that&#8217;s of course fine, as long as it is truly the case and not a cover for avoidance of commitment due to a fear of being <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-to-respond-to-hurt-in-a-helpful-way/">hurt</a>. If it&#8217;s the latter, you may find the shininess of single life begins to dull over time, but by then it will feel even harder to change.
<h3>Waiting For The Perfect Moment</h3>
Now you may not be asking why you can&#8217;t fall in love, rather, you may wonder &#8220;Why don&#8217;t I feel love&#8221;. This could be for many reasons so you would have to think about this for yourself, but one sure reason might be because you&#8217;re waiting for some perfect moment when the stars align and Jupiter is in Saturn&#8217;s orbit, and the cow flies over the moon. What I mean here is, that you may be focusing on your career, finding the &#8216;one&#8217;, feeling perfectly ready, or some other condition that you&#8217;ve placed on finding love. It is okay to do this if you&#8217;re simply unable to give time to a relationship, but, if it&#8217;s been this way for too long, or if the condition you&#8217;re placing is unrealistic, you&#8217;ve created an obstacle that allows you to avoid finding love, and being loved in the way we all need at some point. There is no perfect moment so you&#8217;re waiting for a time that doesn&#8217;t exist &#8211; what might this do?

Can’t Fall In Love - Psychologic Reasons

If you believe that: &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; you may also wonder if this is normal. The answer is as complex as the question. Indeed, if you&#8217;re not feeling love, this does not mean you&#8217;re not loved, it may be a problem of perception. You are unable to feel love but it is there. For some people, it may be true that no one around them makes them feel loved, in which case, it is normal that they do not feel love. But we have to wonder why there&#8217;s no one to show love. It might be because you&#8217;re very guarded and keep everyone at a safe distance. Indeed, there are many reasons why it might be happening, and why when context is accounted for, we can see the logic in a lack of love &#8211; but this does not mean you&#8217;re unlovable.

Is It Normal To Not Feel Love?

<h3>Talk To A Therapist</h3>
Many of the reasons you may wonder &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I feel love&#8221; are likely to relate to fear, and this is even if on the surface that doesn&#8217;t seem to be the reason. Talking to a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapist</a> will allow you to explore things more deeply, without judgement, and with safety. If for instance, after reading this, or even before, you know the reason you&#8217;re unable to fall in love, you still have much to learn. For example, what are the deeper reasons for your inability to love or be loved, how did they emerge, what do they teach you about yourself, how do they impact you, and what might change? These are just some of the things you can be helped to explore in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">therapy</a>.
<h3>Practice Opening Up to Others</h3>
If therapy isn&#8217;t an option for you for whatever reason, but you know you&#8217;re guarded when it comes to matters of the heart, you might want to practice opening up. This does not mean that you open up about your deepest and darkest fears to just anybody, it means think about the least threatening thing that you don&#8217;t share, for whatever reason, and start with that, with someone you trust and see what happens. If you feel encouraged, go further, but only if you feel comfortable doing so. The more you do this, the easier it will become, and the more you will do it.
<h3>Build Supportive Friendships</h3>
Another thing that can help us stop feeling and asking things like: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; are our friendships. People can often get so preoccupied with finding love that they forget that they can get it in other ways, not just romantically. If you have few friends, or lots but still don&#8217;t feel supported, you may need to consider taking a &#8216;friendship inventory&#8217;. If after this, you notice that your friends bring you down instead of building you up in ways (and this can be subtle), then you have to think of what this is doing for your ability to love yourself. This is important because it impacts what you will accept in a potential partner too.
<h3>Think About What You Might Want in a Relationship</h3>
Now if you&#8217;re worrying because you often think: &#8220;I can&#8217;t love&#8221; you might need to think about the kinds of partners you go for. You might be picking the wrong kinds of people, or finding potential in places where there are a lot of the wrong kinds of people (online dating, anyone?). This is where you have to stop and take a break from the search and ask yourself, either by yourself or with a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/the-value-of-confronting-self-doubt-as-a-psychotherapist/">therapist</a>, about what you want in a relationship. This may show you that what you seek, and the types you seek it from do not marry up very well (pun intended). Or, it may show you that you&#8217;re being unrealistic in some other ways, and you can reorient yourself before you resume the search. Maybe then, you&#8217;ll be, not luckier in love, but have increased your chances because you&#8217;ve reflected on things and made real adjustments.

I Can’t Feel Love: How To Overcome The Fear

<h3>Take it Slowly</h3>
Ever heard the expression &#8220;fools rush in&#8221;? Well, this is why you want to take it slowly. This is especially true if you notice a tendency to dive head-first into <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. This can feel intense for you and your partner, and add pressure. So, ease up on the gas and enjoy the ride.
<h3>Communicate Openly</h3>
If &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; is your mantra then another thing to consider when you do is how you communicate. When you&#8217;re feeling any kind of fear or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/anxiety-disorders-what-they-are-types-treatment/">anxiety</a> about your partner or their words, or behaviour, be open but be constructive. It might help to sound things out with friends or a therapist first if you find you often feel this way, as communicating fears too often to a new partner can also add pressure and stress.
<h3>Try to Live in the Moment</h3>
This relates to the other tips. When we live in the moment, we&#8217;re present. We aren&#8217;t in the past, and we aren&#8217;t overthinking about the future. We live and love in the now, and this naturally influences the future, usually for the better. Try to treat this relationship like it&#8217;s a new experience, and don&#8217;t mire it with the old, or lose it before it&#8217;s begun.
<h3>Set Boundaries</h3>
Boundaries are important for all of our relationships, so they&#8217;re especially important when it comes to our partners. There will certainly be fewer boundaries but there should always be some. For example, just because you&#8217;re in love, you should not forsake your friends, family, hobbies, or your own needs. Your boundaries are there for a reason, so don&#8217;t lose them and yourself, in the process.

What To Do If You Fall In Love

Bretherton, I. (1999). Updating the “internal working model” construct: Some reflections. Attachment & Human Development, 1(3), 343–357. 

Carvalho, A. C., & Rodrigues, D. L. (2022). Sexuality, Sexual Behavior, and Relationships of Asexual Individuals: Differences Between Aromantic and Romantic Orientation. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 

Can’t Fall in Love? 11 Reasons Why

One of the issues that comes up a lot in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/demystifying-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-how-it-works/">therapy</a> is when a client tells me they have no motivation to do anything. Sometimes this can be a symptom of a condition, for example, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">depression</a>. But sometimes it can actually be the cause of depression. People will find they do not have a purpose to strive for, or even if they have something others could only dream of, for example, a flourishing career, they just cannot access that &#8216;pep&#8217;, that feeling we all need to want to do something and take enjoyment from it. They feel no motivation and this can cause feelings of despondency, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/apathy-anhedonia/">apathy</a>, low mood, and depression. Life just doesn&#8217;t seem to have any meaning for them. They wonder to themselves and ask me: &#8220;Why am I struggling with motivation?&#8221;. They may even feel like there&#8217;s something very wrong with them, especially if they know they have things that others might be excited about. Some of my clients can actually be quite worried about this because they feel bored with life and even though they don&#8217;t want to die, they also don&#8217;t feel engaged with their lives. It&#8217;s a serious issue that can have a serious impact on mental health. This article will discuss what to do when you have no motivation.

<h3>Avoidance Of Discomfort</h3>
So one reason why you might not be motivated to do anything is because of a fear of discomfort. According to Freud, people will do all kinds of things to experience pleasure and avoid pain. So when you have no will to do anything, it might actually be underpinned by a deeper need to avoid discomfort. For example, it often requires hard work, energy, resources, and time to do a good job and this might cause discomfort if one prefers an easier life. Discomfort might also be related to an aversion to the risk of failing, causing one to do nothing instead. So avoidance of discomfort might even be about suppressing your own self-doubt.
<h3>Doubting Yourself</h3>
So let&#8217;s talk about how <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/limiting-beilefs/">self-doubt</a> creates a loss of motivation. It&#8217;s essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we think and feel affects how we behave. So if I believed that I was incapable of passing my driving test, I would find it very difficult to book my test. I&#8217;d probably procrastinate and make excuses whenever the topic was raised. Even IF I managed to book my test, I might miss it, or because of my self-doubt I might expect to fail, this of course is my prediction and it will affect my anxiety levels. Because I&#8217;m nervous and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxious</a> about failing, I cannot concentrate and I end up failing &#8211; self-fulfilling prophecy &#8211; I made my prediction come true and this reinforces my self-doubt but I didn&#8217;t fail because I&#8217;m incapable, I failed because I expected to and made it happen.
<h3>Being Overwhelmed</h3>
A lack of motivation and energy can also occur because one is feeling overwhelmed. This can happen when we try to do too much or take on something that makes us feel we aren&#8217;t capable. This can impact self-confidence, and over time, our <a style="color: #0033cc;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>. It makes us feel out of our depth. Remember what I said about avoiding pain? Well, this is why one might feel demotivated when something feels too much, or too difficult. For example, if your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">job is overwhelming</a> you, you might experience no desire to work anymore. This feeling only heightens when mood is impacted.
<h3>Mental Health Issues</h3>
Indeed, feelings of low-confidence, low <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/are-your-relationships-building-or-taking-your-self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>, stress and overwhelm can all contribute to other mental health problems like depression and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>. But, as mentioned, a lack of motivation itself, can cause depression or be caused by it. When we&#8217;re feeling down, our usual day-to-day obligations can feel effortful and even overwhelming. People often want to seek comfort instead, and this is usually in the form of withdrawal and inactivity. But these behaviours keep people stuck in depression because there is a strange kind of comfort in depression and withdrawal, that combined with no drive is a vicious cycle that makes it feel as if you can&#8217;t do anything.
<h3>Lack of Commitment</h3>
Some people will start tasks and rather than see one through to completion, whatever that might look like, they will leave it unfinished and move on to something else. Some &#8216;disorders&#8217;, like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/exploring-adhd-in-women-symptoms-and-treatment/">ADHD</a> feature this tendency, but it is something that can be a part of one&#8217;s personality. When one loses motivation toward things in this routine way, it demonstrates a lack of commitment to any given endeavour. Sometimes it&#8217;s easier to start things than it is to see them through. So if you notice yourself lacking motivation toward something you&#8217;ve started, and are thinking about starting something new &#8211; call it out &#8211; you may be using the new thing to distract yourself from your lack of commitment.
<h3>Bad Attitude</h3>
If for example, you have no desire to work anymore, this might be to do with emotional issues. But sometimes it might be something else entirely. Some people experience what&#8217;s known as a poor work ethic. They do not hold themselves accountable to their responsibilities and they may even blame their employer for their problems, or resent them for being more successful. Who hasn&#8217;t heard of the person who does nothing but complain about their employer and when you suggest they look for a new job, they dismiss it. This is someone who is not taking ownership for themselves and their life, and simply wants to blame everyone else, when in fact it is this bad attitude that is their downfall.
<h3>Not Specific Enough About Goals</h3>
You might have some ideas about things you want to achieve and still experience a sense of no motivation and not even understand why. This might be because you haven&#8217;t clearly defined your goals in a clear and structured way. When we make our goals SMART, that is., Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound, we create clarity and accountability. We can have a time-frame for every small part of the plan, and troubleshoot when things aren&#8217;t working to schedule. So, take heart, your lack of motivation toward that goal you&#8217;ve had for ages might not be impossible. Instead of looking at the misty tip of the mountain and feeling dejected, you can look ahead at the first check post you see in the near distance.
<h3>Being Burnt Out</h3>
If you&#8217;ve experienced no motivation or energy and even had the thought that &#8220;All I want to do is sleep&#8221;, then you might be burning out. Burnout is exactly that; a state of complete exhaustion, physical, mental, and emotional. It&#8217;s no wonder then that, when this happens, we cannot muster the energy or drive to engage in life in the usual way. Put simply; you&#8217;re in need of rest so you can recover. Trying to find a sense of purpose, or meaning when experiencing this level of exhaustion is just going to add to your exhaustion and make you feel hopeless and even more demotivated .
<h3>Experiencing Toxic Stress</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">Stress</a> is a normal part of life and we should not think we can avoid stress all of the time. In fact, some people find a small amount of stress motivating. These are the people who like to leave essays or work commitments to the last minute and can do well because the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/academic-stress/">stress</a> of the approaching deadline motivates them to do better. This is healthy stress. Then there&#8217;s toxic stress. Called so because it&#8217;s harmful rather than helpful. Stress might become <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-toxic-masculinity-harms-everyone-inc-men/">toxic</a> when it relates to an acute issue that is particularly impactful and pressure-ful, or when we experience lots of stressors or a build-up. Think of stress as an elastic band, over time, it gets tighter, and then some relief is had which offers some slack. But when there&#8217;s no slack, it just gets tighter and tighter, until it snaps &#8211; likely burnout. When this happens we might feel we can&#8217;t do anything.
<h3>You May Not Have a Lot of Activities That Interest You</h3>
Some people might wonder why they&#8217;re not motivated to do anything without realising that it&#8217;s not a general lack of motivation that they&#8217;re experiencing. They are simply finding it hard to engage with whatever they have going on in their life at that time. For example, when people become <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-natal-depression-pnd/">depressed</a>, they stop doing what they once enjoyed. This makes them think they have no will to do anything, but if they restarted some of the things they once enjoyed, or something new, they might find they feel good and accomplished. This often reinforces the action and provides more motivation.

What Causes Lack Of Motivation?

So you may have noticed this apparent overlap between a lack of motivation, and depression and this is because they are very much connected. Our <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brains</a> and bodies., that is., our physical, mental, and emotional health are intricately connected. When we are well, we experience the production and release of mood-regulating, or &#8216;feel good&#8217; hormones. These are chemicals that affect the way our bodies work and how we feel. We might become depressed due to a deficiency in some of these <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/blogs/2022/9-may-evaluating-life-for-loneliness/">hormones</a> (what doctors call a &#8216;chemical imbalance&#8217;). Alternatively, there could be another reason for our depression but even so, the depression and its symptoms prevent us from being able to create the hormones we need, and instead we experience stress hormones. It&#8217;s complex, but either way, &#8216;motivation&#8217; is not going to be the motivation when we are feeling this way. A lack of it becomes one of the symptoms instead.
Now when we are well and not depressed, we can still experience a lack of motivation. Why? Because motivation is that &#8216;get up and go&#8217; feeling, that &#8216;pep&#8217;, that drive. It&#8217;s the thing that helps us move in some direction. And as mentioned above, you will notice there are a number of factors that can lead to loss of motivation, many of which do not have to start with depression. But this does not mean that they might not cause it, which further compounds the issue. So first it&#8217;s helpful to understand the cause of your lack of motivation because this will provide the antidote, or at least the roadmap to the solution. Below are some of the things that may help you get your mojo back, depending on the reason for lacking motivation.

Lack Of Motivation Vs. Depression

<h3>Create a Routine</h3>
If you&#8217;re asking yourself &#8220;Why do I have no motivation to do anything?&#8221; you might simply need to force it. It may seem strange but it&#8217;s an actual psychological technique from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">Cognitive Behavioural Therapy</a> (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/cbt-birmingham/">CBT</a>), and it works! When you&#8217;re feeling that you&#8217;re not motivated to do anything, do what Nike said all those years ago: Just Do It! You have to rebuild your routine because we humans are not so different to our cat cousins, we like a bit of routine and structure. By gradually building your routine, so that it doesn&#8217;t overwhelm you, you will notice your motivation return.
<h3>Use the 10-minute Rule</h3>
This is another one from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/transforming-behavior-and-rewiring-the-brain-cbt/">CBT</a> and the time can vary, but ten minutes is a nice neat number. Here&#8217;s what you do: when you&#8217;re experiencing a lack of motivation, and therefore procrastination for a particular task, force yourself to do this very thing for ten minutes only. The idea is that you will get past the barrier of starting, and perhaps find your flow, and therefore drive to continue. So just imagine that things you&#8217;re putting off will only take ten minutes, do what you can, and if you find it hard to continue, stop. You can then try again for another ten minutes, at a later time. But, you may find that you&#8217;ve gotten over the hardest part, and be able to finish the task!
<h3>Practice Self-Compassion</h3>
When people wonder &#8220;Why do I have no motivation to do anything?&#8221;, they often come from a position of blame and criticism toward themselves. Now how do you think this will affect the lack of motivation? It will feed it. Indeed, imagine if you have no desire to work anymore, do you think you&#8217;ll regain it if your boss criticises you, or if they support and show kindness? Yes, we respond better to care, rather than criticism. So when we <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapists</a> ask you to show yourself kindness and compassion, we&#8217;re doing it for good reason, because you deserve it and because it helps.
<h3>Work Out</h3>
<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;not motivated to do anything&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4348,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;6&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;7&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;8&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">When you&#8217;re not motivated to do anything, this one will be a toughie, but hear me out. Remember those lovely mood regulating hormones I mentioned before? Well two of those are endorphins and dopamine. The production of these can be boosted by exercise! Imagine; we have this amazing ability to give ourselves the chemicals we need to feel good, and driven! So, even if you don&#8217;t feel like getting out of bed, try the ten minute rule. Take a ten minute walk, or jog and see if you can continue from there. It&#8217;s likely you will find it much easier to, the more you do it! 
<h3>Break Large Goals Down Into Smaller Tasks</h3>
<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;all i want to do is sleep no motivation&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4348,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;6&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;7&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;8&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">If your response to that one was &#8220;All I want to do is sleep, I have no motivation&#8221; and the ten minute thing doesn&#8217;t help you then how about this &#8211; let&#8217;s break things down. Remember, when you&#8217;re focusing on the summit of the mountain, it can look very daunting from all the way down here. So, think of the thing you need to do, and just think about one step in that process. Let us say, you&#8217;ve got to start an essay. The first thing you could do is give yourself some time to make an &#8216;essay plan&#8217;. This would be clearly outlining the days and times you can spend on the essay, what the tasks might be on each day, with the deadline in mind. When done this way, we have a more clarified goal, one that does not feel as big and vague. 
<h3>Manage To-Do List</h3>
Another thing that can help when you&#8217;re experiencing no motivation is a to-do list. This is a bit like the previous point. By placing things on paper or PC, whichever works better for you, you can instantly take away a bit of pressure and regain some cognitive bandwidth. This is because you no longer have to remember all of the things you have to do, and when you do this, you may also notice that things don&#8217;t seem as many or as unclear as they did before. This clarity also helps you to regain that headspace, you no longer have to worry or wonder, or work hard to suppress what you&#8217;re trying to avoid &#8211; another good reason to get it on paper.
<h3>Reward Yourself for Working</h3>
Just like Pavlov&#8217;s dogs, we all like to be recognised and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/the-many-benefits-of-gratitude-practice/">rewarded</a> for our hard work. So if you&#8217;re thinking to yourself &#8220;I have no motivation&#8221; then when you take some of the steps mentioned here to regain it, you should also reinforce this good effort with a treat! Not only will it give you an additional incentive to work for, it will also make you want to do it again. And, it doesn&#8217;t have to be extravagant as this would be hard to maintain. So treat yourself to your favourite meal or drink (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/alcoholism/">non-alcoholic</a> preferably, unless you&#8217;re of legal age and it&#8217;s an irregular choice!). Or you might give yourself an hour to play your favourite video-game, or anything else you consider a reward.
<h3>Pair a Task with Something You Enjoy</h3>
If you&#8217;re feeling a lack of motivation to do anything, what if you become creative with it. One example is pairing with a reward, although that should be done anyway. But another way to make your task(s) more interesting, and therefore, easier to do is by making the process more appealing, not just the reward you&#8217;re looking forward to. For example, if you&#8217;re putting off some work you have to do on your laptop, take yourself to a coffee shop or library to do it. If you&#8217;re finding it hard to exercise, make a playlist that will get you in the mood! If you&#8217;re sick of eating takeaways but can&#8217;t get yourself to cook a healthy meal, call a friend while you&#8217;re cooking and catch up on some social time as well!
<h3>Go for a Walk in Nature</h3>
When you&#8217;re wondering &#8220;Why do I lack motivation&#8221; you might want to take a leaf out of the Ecopsychology book (no pun intended). It teaches us that we humans find ease and peace in nature. It seems to be the only thing that can help us feel close to our &#8216;true selves&#8217; and this might just be another way of saying that we can connect to who we are without all the modern-day distractions and noise that we&#8217;ve created and become embroiled in. We were not designed to live the way we do, our lives were once much simpler, and this might in fact be another reason why we experience demotivation and burnout, because in some ways, we&#8217;re fighting against our nature. So get back to nature and take those walks between your tasks, they might even be your treat!
<h3>Seek Professional Help</h3>
Even if after trying these things, you&#8217;re still lacking motivation, you might just need a helping hand. For example, if you experience no desire to work anymore, or think all I want to do is sleep and have no motivation toward your obligations or relationships, then there might be more at work. <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/act-therapy-demystified-enhancing-well-being/">Therapy</a> can help because you will have someone beside you who will remind you to be compassionate, to hold you accountable, and to reward your effort. But more than this, you will have a professional who will be able to help you explore and understand the cause(s) of your lack of motivation and find what works for you to help you shift this feeling and regain not only motivation, but also improve your quality of life.

What To Do When You Have No Motivation

Health, D. D. (2022, December 1). Darling Downs Health. Darling Downs Health. 

No Motivation: Causes And Ways To Overcome It

In a world that constantly demands more of us, our emotional well-being often takes a backseat. The everyday stresses, traumatic experiences, and unresolved past events can leave deep emotional scars that hinder our ability to live a fulfilling life. However, there is hope on the horizon in the form of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. This innovative and creative approach to healing is poised to transform the way we confront our emotional pain and embark on a journey towards recovery. Join us as we explore the depths of EMDR therapy, its creative principles, and its transformative potential.

<h3>EMDR Therapy: What is it?</h3>
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a groundbreaking psychotherapy approach developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. It stands as a beacon of hope for those grappling with the debilitating effects of trauma and emotional distress. EMDR is not just a set of therapeutic techniques; it&#8217;s a comprehensive eight-phase process designed to help individuals process distressing memories and experiences.
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<h3>Understanding Trauma</h3>
Trauma comes in various forms, from childhood abuse to combat experiences and even everyday incidents like car accidents. Regardless of its origin, trauma can have profound and lasting effects on one&#8217;s mental health, often leading to conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other anxiety disorders. EMDR provides a unique and creative approach to addressing these issues by reprocessing traumatic memories and reducing their emotional charge.
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<h3>How EMDR Works</h3>
At the heart of EMDR lies a set of creative principles that mimic the brain&#8217;s natural healing processes. EMDR therapy works by facilitating the adaptive processing of distressing memories through bilateral stimulation, which typically involves guided eye movements. It&#8217;s as if EMDR taps into the brain&#8217;s innate creativity and problem-solving abilities to help individuals reframe their traumatic experiences and regain control over their emotions.

Chapter 1: Unveiling the Magic of EMDR Therapy

<h3>The Role of Eye Movements</h3>
The cornerstone of EMDR therapy is the use of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. This seemingly simple process has a profound impact on the brain, as it mimics the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, during which our brains naturally process and consolidate memories. EMDR harnesses this creative aspect of the brain, enabling individuals to reprocess traumatic memories and integrate them into their narrative in a less distressing way.
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<h3>Unleashing Creativity in Therapy</h3>
EMDR therapy fosters creativity in problem-solving by encouraging individuals to approach their traumatic experiences from different angles. This creative exploration can lead to new insights and perspectives, allowing for a more profound healing process. It&#8217;s not just about reliving past traumas; it&#8217;s about reshaping them into manageable narratives that no longer hold the same emotional power.
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<h3>Visualization and Metaphor</h3>
Another creative aspect of EMDR therapy involves the use of visualization and metaphor. Clients are encouraged to visualize their traumatic memories, emotions, and sensations, allowing them to gain a deeper understanding of their experiences. Metaphors are often used to reframe these memories and emotions, transforming them into more positive and manageable constructs. This creative reimagining is at the core of EMDR&#8217;s effectiveness.
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5E-C140IXHA?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Chapter 2: The Creative Essence of EMDR

<h3>The Therapist-Patient Relationship</h3>
Central to the success of EMDR therapy is the therapeutic relationship between the client and the trained EMDR therapist. Creativity plays a significant role here as therapists use their intuition, empathy, and creative communication skills to establish trust and rapport with their clients. Building this connection is essential for clients to feel safe enough to revisit their traumatic experiences.
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<h3>Tailoring EMDR for Each Individual</h3>
EMDR is a highly individualized therapy, and therapists creatively tailor the approach to meet the unique needs of each client. This adaptability allows for a personalized healing journey that takes into account the client&#8217;s specific history, triggers, and emotional responses. The therapist&#8217;s creative approach in adapting EMDR is vital in ensuring that the therapy is effective for each individual.
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<h3>Art and EMDR</h3>
Some therapists incorporate art therapy into EMDR sessions, adding an extra layer of creativity to the process. Art allows clients to express themselves in ways that words alone often cannot. Whether it&#8217;s through drawing, painting, or sculpting, clients can tap into their creative side to explore and process their emotions and traumatic experiences in a non-verbal manner.

Chapter 3: Stepping into the Therapist's Shoes

<h3>Real-Life Success Stories</h3>
The creative potential of EMDR therapy is perhaps best illustrated through real-life success stories. Countless individuals have found healing through this innovative approach. These stories often highlight the creative journeys to recovery, where clients unlock their own potential for healing, growth, and resilience.
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<h3>The Brain&#8217;s Remarkable Adaptability</h3>
EMDR&#8217;s effectiveness is not just anecdotal; it&#8217;s rooted in the brain&#8217;s remarkable adaptability. Neuroscientific research has shown that EMDR can facilitate the reorganization of neural networks, helping individuals process traumatic memories more adaptively. This creative rewiring of the brain contributes to lasting emotional healing.
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<h3>Beyond Trauma: EMDR for Self-Discovery</h3>
While EMDR is primarily associated with trauma treatment, its creative principles can also be applied to personal growth and self-discovery. Individuals can use EMDR to explore their inner selves, address self-limiting beliefs, and enhance their overall well-being. The journey doesn&#8217;t end with trauma resolution; it continues into a realm of creative self-discovery.

Chapter 4: The Transformational Journey

<h3>EMDR in the Digital Age</h3>
As technology continues to advance, the future of EMDR therapy holds exciting possibilities. Online EMDR therapy is becoming increasingly accessible, allowing individuals to access creative healing resources from the comfort of their own homes. Virtual reality (VR) applications and other technological innovations may further enhance the creative elements of EMDR therapy.
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<h3>Integrating EMDR into Holistic Wellness</h3>
The future of mental health and well-being is holistic, and EMDR therapy fits perfectly into this paradigm. Integrating EMDR with other holistic approaches, such as mindfulness, yoga, and nutrition, can create a comprehensive wellness plan that nurtures the mind, body, and spirit. The creative synergy between EMDR and these practices is promising for the future of emotional well-being.
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<h3>Creative Research and Innovation</h3>
Researchers continue to explore the creative aspects of EMDR therapy, seeking to refine and innovate the approach. Creative variations of EMDR, new applications, and enhanced protocols are on the horizon. As our understanding of the creative brain and its capacity for healing deepens, EMDR therapy will evolve to offer even more transformative potential.

Chapter 5: The Future of EMDR Therapy

EMDR therapy is more than just a therapeutic technique; it&#8217;s a creative journey towards emotional recovery. By tapping into the power of eye movements, visualization, and metaphor, EMDR invites us to explore our inner creative resources and embark on a path towards healing. As we look to the future, EMDR continues to evolve, promising even greater transformative potential for those seeking emotional wellness. So, take that creative leap, unlock your healing powers, and embrace the beauty of the EMDR journey. Your emotional recovery awaits.
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Remember, if you or someone you know is struggling with trauma or emotional distress, seeking professional help from a licensed EMDR therapist is essential. EMDR therapy offers a creative and evidence-based path towards healing, but it should always be conducted under the guidance of a trained practitioner.