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South Korea is familiar with suicide. Despite a global decrease in suicide, the rate of suicide in South Korea has almost doubled in the past 20 years. In 2021 it was the fifth leading cause of death, above traffic accidents, with 26 deaths per 100,000 people.
You might think that this only affects the average population, or those who are financially struggling, but actually, many Korean celebrities take their own lives, sparking concerns about the pressures faced by those in the KPOP (Korean Pop Music) industry, and also actors and models.
Suicide is a serious and complex problem, and the reasons for it will vary from one person to the next. But why is it so prevalent in Korean society? Learning some of the reasons might help us to understand and perhaps even save lives.

South Korea's Suicide Rate

Here are some reasons why Korean celebrities may have chosen to take their lives. Keep in mind, these reasons can impact any of us, no matter what job we do:
<ol>
<li>Pressure and stress: There is very intense pressure on Korean celebrities who experience exhaustion and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> due to the demands placed on them. The pressure to constantly maintain a particular image or success level, as well as the pressure from the public (i.e., fans), and the industry as a whole can feel too much.</li>
<li>Mental health problems: The pressure and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">stress</a>, alongside other factors, can lead to feelings of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and depression. There might also be other factors like a &#8220;personality disorder&#8221;, all of which might contribute to suicidal feelings, thoughts, and behaviours.</li>
<li>Cyberbullying and hate: There is such harsh and unrelenting criticism and scrutiny placed on Korean celebrities from anti-fans, the media, and also their fans. Such negative comments and bullying can take a serious toll on <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/male-mental-health/">mental health</a>.</li>
<li>Lack of support: Even though mental health awareness is growing within South Korean culture, there is still much stigma so mental health is not as well understood due to the lack of discussion. This is in part due to the culture&#8217;s strong emphasis on conformity and social cohesion. This makes it difficult for individuals to openly seek support. Stoicism and self-reliance are also valued. This makes it hard for individuals to seek support or even acknowledge they may be struggling. So celebrities, who are expected to be perfect &#8220;idols&#8221; and shining exemplars for South Koreans, and now the world, are likely to feel even less able to seek mental health resources and support.</li>
<li>Lack of social capital: <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/how-to-live-a-long-happy-life/">Relationships are necessary for longevity in life</a>, they help to support and sustain us. Sadly, those in the industry often start as child stars which means they may not experience a typical childhood and therefore are precluded from forming meaningful relationships. It has been reported by some in the industry that they experience a very rigorous training regimen from an early age, with very little opportunity to make friends and socialise with close connections, even if they do exist. Most of their friends or confidantes are other children in the same position.</li>
<li>Prevalence: When we exist in a family that experiences depression, alcoholism, or another condition, we are more at risk of developing a similar condition. This may be in part due to genetics, but also to learned behaviour. The Korean entertainment industry has a very high rate of suicide. It might be said that suicidality has become almost normalised and therefore people become desensitised to the notion. Effectively, it becomes an option.</li>
</ol>
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What Makes The KPOP Industry Vulnerable?

On April 20th, 2023, Moon Bin, a South Korean singer, model, actor, and dancer who was also a part of the popular KPOP group ASTRO, was found dead by his manager after he was unable to reach him. His cause of death has not been made public, however, the consensus is that Moon Bin took his own life. He was 25 years old.
Moon Bin has been in the public eye since he was 11 years old. He grew up under public scrutiny, first as an actor, and later advancing to the world of KPOP at age 18. KPOP has since blown up into the world. This would likely have increased workload and pressure, as well as scrutiny under the unforgiving 24-hour social media culture.
This is especially the case in South Korea where social media users have a penetration rate of 88.3% of the population, putting South Korea at number 10 in the world for social media usage. If celebrities like Moon Bin do not look and sound perfect, they face intense backlash, but how can they look and sound perfect when perfection is a myth, especially under their grueling schedules?
In 2019 and 2020 Moon Bin took a sudden break, it is thought this was due to health difficulties, including mental illness (anxiety and perhaps <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>) and exhaustion. Although he was permitted a break to rest and recover, it seems this only addressed a part of the concern as it presented then. Perhaps Moon Bin did not feel able to ask for more time off. This means that there was a short-term solution, but not a long-term one.
It seems Moon Bin got to take a breather but then had to jump right into the same high-pressured environment, which would have undone any recovery and just continued the trajectory toward burnout. This would have placed him at great risk, psychologically, mentally, and emotionally, with fledgling resilience and hopelessness at the unrelenting cycle. It is likely he experienced guilt and shame about his self-perceived inability to remain &#8220;mentally strong&#8221; (as he once put it) even when his body was begging for a break.

Moon Bin Case Example

It&#8217;s important not to speculate too much. Notwithstanding, I hope this article gives us some things to consider when it comes to mental health and support, especially due to the risks to life. There will always be &#8220;what ifs&#8221; after the fact. But for me, the takeaway from Moon Bin&#8217;s tragic end, and other cases of suicide is the importance of talking to someone.
Something a client once said to me always comes to mind at times like this:
&#8220;Don&#8217;t choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem&#8221;
I would add: &#8220;<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">Please speak to someone, anyone</a>&#8221;
Rest in Peace Moon Bin.

Takeaway

Kim, J. (2019, August 12). ASTRO's Moonbin to take break due to health concerns. The Korea Times. Retrieved from 

Kim, S. (2020, May 4). ASTRO's Moonbin returns from hiatus. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Lee, M. (2020, January 3). ASTRO's Moonbin to continue hiatus due to health concerns. Kpop Herald. Retrieved from 

Statista. (2021). Suicide in South Korea - statistics & facts. Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users in selected countries as of January 2022 (in millions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Statista. (2022). Number of social media users worldwide from 2017 to 2025 (in billions). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from 

Why Is Suicide So Prevalent In KPOP? RIP Moon Bin

On this website, you&#8217;ll find pages that discuss what <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">trauma</a> and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a> are. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a nuanced form of these and is also considered an &#8216;anxiety disorder&#8217;. 
If <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">PTSD</a> occurs, it relates to the experience of a traumatic event. The traumatic event that causes PTSD can be anything. It could be an experience in the home during childhood. It could be sexual assault. It could be witnessing a car accident. 
Almost anything that is difficult to process can cause PTSD. Two people may experience the same event, yet both may not develop PTSD. Its development depends on various individual factors. 
This article will discuss the symptoms of PTSD in Thomas Shelby (Tommy) from the BBC show The Peaky Blinders, exploring how PTSD is portrayed in the series. This will bring a greater understanding of what a person with PTSD might experience.
Because this is based on a fictitious character and is a case study about PTSD, some creative flair has been taken to emphasise how PTSD can be for some people. This article is solely the opinion of the author.

What Is Post-traumatic Stress Disorder?

Tommy experienced the horrors of serving in WWI. During the war, he will have witnessed bloodshed and death, horrific brutality, and perhaps even had to do things that he felt uncomfortable with.
Tommy lost his mother to suicide, and as the series progresses he lost his brother, wife, aunt Polly, daughter, and others. These losses, on top of what he lost in war, figuratively (parts of himself), and literally (comrades and friends) take their toll. This means &#8220;Complex Trauma&#8221; likely developed, this is when someone is exposed to several invasive and traumatic events that are varied and usually of an interpersonal nature.
Even though the war is over, Tommy will &#8216;relive&#8217; the traumatic events he experienced.

The Traumatic Event

Because of the horrors he experienced, and due to the nature of his day-to-day life, Tommy is often hyperaroused. He feels on edge and often experiences intrusive thoughts, which can come in the form of flashbacks, creating <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/panic-attacks/">panic</a>. This makes him feel out of control. Control is something he values highly, especially due to his difficult start in life.
He hates that he can become easily startled. He also feels frustrated that he&#8217;s unable to sleep. He often has trouble sleeping because he is hyperaroused and even when he falls asleep, he wakes up with terrifying nightmares about what happened to him and what he witnessed. It feels like he is reliving the experience all over again.
So he often wakes up, with a rapid heartbeat, and realises he is sweating and shaking. Physical symptoms like these can occur during waking life too when a person is reminded of the traumatic experience, for Tommy, the battle. 
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dfjKjMc39Wo?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Physiological Symptoms

Tommy often experiences very negative thoughts about himself. He feels guilty that he survived and others didn&#8217;t, believing he deserved to die and often wishing he had. There appears to be some depression at times, and suicidal ideation, all of which are compounded by one of his coping strategies; <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">substance misuse</a>.
Tommy is ashamed he survived and also that he cannot just &#8220;get on with it and be okay&#8221;. This has left him feeling hopeless and resigned to his misery. Tommy has a lot to handle. His family depends on him, but it&#8217;s difficult for him to focus and make decisions. This further increases his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">feelings of failure</a>.
These feelings, alongside insomnia and panic make Tommy irritable, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anger/">angry</a> which can make him reckless and self-destructive.

Emotional Symptoms

Tommy uses work as a distraction. Distraction is a form of avoidance. The more we avoid, the further down the spiral we go. This means issues are not dealt with and are there waiting to be triggered.
Another form of avoidance is Tommy&#8217;s use of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/types-of-addiction/">alcohol and cigarettes</a>. These help him numb his feelings, and for a (short) time, feel some easement. More on this later&#8230;
Tommy avoids going to certain places and people &#8211; in fact, anything that might trigger a flashback, memory, and panic symptoms. This limits his lifeworld in ways and also maintains the problem. 
Tommy experiences a detached way of being in many of his <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. He holds people at a certain distance, sharing only parts of himself and this demonstrates his fragmentation which requires integration. 
Anti-social behaviour: Although this is not strictly caused by Tommy&#8217;s PTSD, it does impact it. Tommy partakes in criminal activities and other forms of anti-social behaviour. His external world is chaotic, unpredictable, violent, stressful, and frightening, mirroring his inner world of flashbacks and nightmares, which relate to the war.

Behavioural Symptoms

Tommy uses <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/from-substance-use-to-mis-use/">alcohol</a> (whisky, neat) and he smokes. Aside from the obvious physical health implications, there exist emotional and psychological impacts as well. But Tommy isn&#8217;t aware that there is a cost to alcohol&#8217;s soporific effect. Even though it helps him feel drowsy and welcomed into the bosom of sleep&#8230;it&#8217;s not restful.
Because alcohol inhibits regular sleep cycles by disrupting the normal pattern of light and deep sleep. People may wake up during the night, which means sleep is interrupted. Each time they wake up, the sleep cycle resets, starting again from light sleep. 
This means they are precluded from deeper sleep which is needed to feel rested. So Tommy wakes up tired, and even more irritable, and this lack of sleep wears down his ability to regulate his mood and emotions, making him feel less resilient and more vulnerable.
Alcohol impacts brain chemistry and therefore neural activity. So even though people like Tommy take alcohol for emotional comfort, this is misguided because it offers only short-term relief. Over time, more alcohol is required to soothe because tolerance has developed. 
And alcohol is a depressant so it slows basic functions, including motor function, affect, speech, reflexes, reactions, and general movement. It also distorts perceptions of immediate surroundings, and people. We are less able to think clearly and make well-informed decisions, based on clear judgments.
Cigarettes can also be a misguided attempt at relieving stress and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>. This is because of the chemical nicotine, which is both a depressant and a stimulant. Nicotine causes the release of the hormone epinephrine, creating a stimulant effect on the nervous system. 
People become addicted to the drug because they enjoy the initial feeling it gives them. But anxiety is exacerbated rather than relieved by the stimulant effect, and yet the behaviour is reinforced due to short-term pleasure and addiction.

Substance Misuse 

So life quality suffers because Tommy does not create opportunites for pleasure but perhaps also cannot experience it. This is because Tommy buries and compartmentalises his feelings, which allows him to cope. Alcohol helps him avoid his feelings, as does his obsession with work, another distraction. Day-to-day functioning is impaired in many ways. 
Unfortunately, this strategy provides no long-term solution. Tommy is at a dead-end of loneliness, pain, and misery.

Daily Functioning

It&#8217;s easy to see why people like Tommy, who experience PTSD due to traumatic events might turn to alcohol or drugs. But this increases mental health problems because it exacerbates them and can lead to severe anxiety, panic, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a>, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/why-is-suicide-so-prevalent-in-kpop-rip-moon-bin/">suicidal ideation</a> &#8211; as seen with Tommy. It is important instead to seek out a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">mental health professional</a> who can offer treatment options for people with PTSD.
Treatments for PTSD include group therapy, or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/emdr-therapy/">EMDR</a>). These are more well-known options for trauma, however, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">other options</a> can work just as well and should also be considered, based on individual needs and goals.

Treating PTSD

Edgewood Health Network. (n.d.). Is Alcohol a Stimulant or a Depressant? Retrieved from 

Ochsner Health. (n.d.). Tobacco-Free Living: The Legacy - Tobacco-Free Resources. Retrieved from 

Reynolds, G. (2022, January 25). Alcohol Disrupts Sleep Regulation. The New York Times. Retrieved from 

PTSD: Case Study of Thomas Shelby

POCD, otherwise known as paedophile-themed <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/obsessive-compulsive-disorders-ocd/">obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)</a> is a relatively recently categorised form of OCD. OCD is a mental health disorder characterised by obsessive unwanted and therefore intrusive thoughts and feelings, and compulsive responses (behaviours), due to those thoughts. Compulsions can take the form of cognitive (thinking) responses, for example, counting or reassuring oneself. Or behavioural ones, which might involve checking, washing, or repeatedly turning a light switch on and off, depending on the fears related to the obsession (for example, safety, contamination, etc). Normally, OCD treatment comprises of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/cbt-birmingham/">cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)</a>, including exposure and response prevention (ERP). As POCD is a subtype of OCD, CBT and ERP therapy are also treatments for POCD.

What is POCD?

People with OCD and specifically, a person with POCD will often experience an <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/identity-issues/">impact to identity</a> because sufferers do not feel in control and are compelled to act out behaviours in an attempt to feel a sense of control. Ironically however, this very compulsion demonstrates a lack of control, guided by anxiety. When living with POCD, the sufferer experiences an obsessive fear about being a paedophile or becoming one, which is hugely threatening to identity. This is due to the repeated unwanted sexual thoughts about children, which are experienced as incredibly confusing, upsetting, and horrifying.
POCD is possibly the worst type of OCD for sufferers because it is the most horrifying obsession one might imagine.  Paedophiles are detested by society and usually by the sufferer, so the fear of being a paedophile is incredibly intense. Indeed, the worst forms of OCD are combined in POCD, that is, a fear of hurting vulnerable people (Harm-OCD), the fear of being attracted to someone we shouldn’t be (Sexual Orientation-OCD), and a fear of breaking the strictest codes of society (moral scrupulosity).

The Impact 

<ul>
<li>Typical POCD thoughts, images, or sensations involve harming children, and are sexual and feel intrusive in nature</li>
<li>Innocent childhood memories can surface and take a sinister tone. For one client who had recently become a mother for the second time, a common sexual childhood game was recalled, causing her to fear she was a paedophile</li>
<li>Remembering a childhood crush when one was a child themselves can become distorted and feel to the thinker like a suppressed paedophilic memory</li>
<li>Some sufferers’ intrusive paedophilic-themed thoughts do not necessarily mean they fear they are a paedophile, rather, that these thoughts will prevent them from being happy, or gradually even turn them into a paedophile</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">Victims of childhood sexual abuse</a> can believe they will do the same to a child</li>
<li>Sufferers can misconstrue thoughts about a child’s appearance, for example a child’s perceived beauty or cuteness as being indicative of sexual intentions</li>
<li>Inadvertent physical contact with a child is believed to be intentional and driven by pleasure</li>
<li>Some sufferers begin to obsessively experience false memories (about having harmed a child) which they believe were repressed, causing worry</li>
<li>Any positive thoughts or feelings towards children are feared to be sexual in nature</li>
<li>Worries that noticing adult characteristics in young and developing children, such as the way they are dressed, or body parts indicates paedophilia</li>
<li>Second guessing behaviours and intentions toward their own children, or around children they know, which they never would have before (for example, why did I give him that toy, I must be trying to groom him)</li>
</ul>

What POCD Sufferers Think

<ul>
<li>Sufferers might start to avoid children</li>
<li>Things that remind of children, and therefore trigger thoughts will be avoided (like children’s TV shows)</li>
<li>Being very conscious of how to interact with children and therefore holding them in very deliberate ways, so that the child cannot brush genitalia</li>
<li><a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">Intimacy and sex with one’s partner</a> might be avoided due to a fear of paedophilic thoughts</li>
<li>An individual will start to think about all their behaviour around children as being ill-intended and questionable, when previously, the same behaviour would be perfectly acceptable (such as doing or saying something nice to a child they know)</li>
<li>Telling close friends or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> about paedophilic thoughts so others can reassure them they have paedophilia OCD, rather than are a paedophile, and that their behaviour is not viewed as inappropriate, which means they are not a paedophile</li>
<li>Reassuring oneself about having confessed their thoughts to others, as this means they are not hiding anything</li>
<li>Another form of reassurance is to repeat a behaviour to prove to themselves that no wrong or sexual act took place. For example, interacting with a child more than they normally might, or picking up and putting down a child repeatedly</li>
<li>Obsessively researching about POCD and actual paedophilia to differentiate between the two</li>
<li>Keeping records of where one has been to confirm and reassure that one has not molested a child</li>
<li>Checking if being around children, or having thoughts of them results in arousal in the groin or anywhere else</li>
<li>Imagining and checking for signs of abuse in children when with them</li>
<li>Taking extra precautions around children, like putting trousers on to go to the bathroom at night, rather than passing a child’s room in boxers shorts</li>
</ul>

How POCD Sufferers Behave

Clearly POCD is a highly distressing condition. Do check out <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/paedophilic-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-pocd-ii/">Part II</a> which explores the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">help available to sufferers</a>.

Coming Up Next Time....

Hershfield, J. (2015). POCD: What Is Pedophile-Themed Obsessive-Compulsivesorder?. Sheppard Pratt. Retrieved 27 January 2022, from 

Tallis, F. (1996). Understanding obsessions and compulsions (3rd ed.). Sheldon.

Paedophilic Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (POCD) I

As therapists or helpers, it&#8217;s likely we&#8217;ve all experienced imposter syndrome at some point in our careers. This is effectively about feelings of self-doubt. For example, some clients may seem resistant to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and unable to engage in the process, and some may push us beyond our limits and respond in ways we don&#8217;t expect. Or there are those clients who can make us feel as if we aren’t doing enough for them, that we should be doing more, making us forget that we aren’t supposed to ‘fix them’ or take on their responsibilities. And then there are those whose stories are so harrowing and devastating that we become uncertain about our ability to hold ‘their stuff’. None of these reasons are the client&#8217;s fault, but they can make us feel deskilled and inadequate.

The Many Reasons Psychotherapists May Experience Self-Doubt

These and other scenarios can make us feel incapable and even unwilling to traverse the depths of our field. We can experience analysis paralysis, whereby we are stopped in our tracks and consumed by overthinking. But just as we might encourage our client who is standing hesitantly at the cusp of a therapeutic breakthrough, to continue, we must also find the courage to keep calm and carry on, by confronting and tackling our own insecurities and professional self-doubt. Yes, having <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/learning-to-live-honestly/">humility</a> and the right attitude toward it is a positive thing. It can spur change, and our clients should change us. They help us learn about ourselves, and in so doing, learn how to provide better care for them.

The Impact

Overcoming self-doubt should be done responsibly, with the necessary support, such as regular supervision, speaking with colleagues, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> support, and self-care. This is because, it is during these testing times that we decide whether we are going to break or bend with the wind, and therefore grow as professionals, and as people.

Ways To Overcome Self-Doubt

So how might we overcome our doubts and fears? First and foremost, we must explore what it is in the client that causes such a visceral response in us. What is it about them, their personality, the way they are in relation, how they operate in therapy and the world, or ‘their stuff’ that is meeting with us and resulting in a chaotic reaction within? Indeed, we may recognise that their situation is too close to home for us, or that they themselves, are very similar to us. We may even be in denial about the similarity if they hold qualities that are a part of our own shadow, the part of ourselves we do not know or want to know. It could be that the client reminds us of someone else in our lives, perhaps they are similar to an attachment figure. Or, perhaps we genuinely do feel out of our depth with this person and her story, and this knowledge is creating a need to avoid confrontation of it because of its implications.

Questions To Ponder

That’s right, when we experience our breakthroughs, with ourselves, and therefore our more challenging cases, or clients, we have learned something that will serve us in multifarious ways. For example, we can gain confidence because we’ve learned something that makes us more capable, we build resilience, and all of these offer incredible reward from the accomplishment of having done our very best by our client. These are just some ways in which overcoming <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-understanding-your-anxiety-response-will-empower-you/">our fears</a> and self-doubts can serve us.

What This Does

Undoubtedly, in these situations, we must behave ethically and responsibly, toward our clients, and ourselves, and exploration of the issues can make for some difficult realisations and therefore, decisions. But all is not lost. There is always something to be gained, even in times when we might feel defeated, and as long as we do not overlook the lesson, we have become quite rich indeed.
As therapists, we aim to help individuals confront their fears and pain, how can we hope to facilitate this kind of courage if we are immobilised in the face of our challenges? The answer is simply that we cannot and therefore should not even try. So it is important to know what to do when we are feeling vulnerable because of a particular client, or issue.
Ultimately, it’s about what will best serve our client. Sometimes, it can be useful to share our feelings about the client or her therapeutic process with her, but this is only true if we are doing it for her and her therapy. That is, will sharing this helps us move forward together? Will we be able to learn something new and useful by exploring the stuckness we feel?
I think it’s important to communicate to our client that we want to work through it with them, and for them, this intention should always be conveyed. But, ultimately, it is not enough if we are not able to sufficiently help. This is when we must be honest to and for our client in the most sensitive, careful, and responsible way. Even if we cannot work together anymore, this will still be a kind of progress; because the client can find someone more suitable, and as <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">practitioners</a>, we can develop in the ways we have identified.

It’s Always About The Client

Even though this article is mainly aimed at <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapists</a>, I would also urge any clients who feel they’re at an impasse with their therapy or therapist to open the dialogue; your therapist will likely be feeling this too and should take your input in the spirit intended because it’s about what YOU need from your therapy. And as ethical, responsible, and humble practitioners, we must continuously strive to ensure our clients receive the best care possible. This requires open and honest dialogue between therapist and self, and therapist and client.

Open & Honest Dialogue

The Value Of Confronting Self-Doubt As A Psychotherapist

It&#8217;s quite common for one person to have doubts about <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/counselling-birmingham/">therapy</a> and there are many reasons why one person might be reluctant. For example, some people feel threatened by the idea of entering into therapy and having marriage counselling sessions, believing it signifies the end of the relationship by revealing they are incompatible with their partner. Some simply find the idea of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship counselling</a> daunting, uncomfortable, or humiliating. Some people have already tried therapy sessions and had a negative experience. For instance they may have found it unhelpful, that it made their situation worse, or felt as though the previous couples therapist and their partner ganged up on them. All of these fears are understandable. However, it&#8217;s important to consider that unless we attempt to overcome such issues and get the right support, we risk stagnation and remaining in an unhappy, and dysfunctional situation.

When One Of Us Doesn't Want To Take Part In Therapy

It&#8217;s quite common for couples to believe that their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">relationship problems</a> arise because the other person is at fault in some way, and that the mental health professional should aim to fix the partner. However, it&#8217;s very likely that we play down our own role in the situation. A <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">good therapist</a> will aim to understand relationship issue(s) from both sides and show both partners the other&#8217;s position. They will also emphasise how each position makes sense to each person, with the aim of helping couples to empathise and understand the other’s view. A good exercise that therapists sometimes use in couples therapy is to ask each person what they themselves need to do to become a more effective partner. This is useful because it shifts the idea of being passive and expecting our partner to change, we can realise that there are also things that we can do to help.

When I Think The Problem Is My Partner

It can feel worrying for individuals when they believe they&#8217;re more committed to the relationship than their partner is, and it may surprise you to learn that sometimes the less committed person is also bothered by their own lack of commitment because it indicates to them that something is not quite right, making them feel uneasy. However, according to Dr Wile, for the purposes of couples therapy it can actually be quite helpful to have one partner who is more committed. He argues that the enthusiasm of the more motivated person can be used to drive real change and help improve the situation, such that it can encourage the less committed partner and help the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationship</a> overall.

When One Of Us Is More Committed Than The Other

One of you may be more interested in working on the sexual relationship, while the other is focused on issues around <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">managing the children</a>, or chores. Therapy may help you help your spouse to understand what feels important to you, and vice versa. Dr Wile highlights that we should not wait for our partner’s motivation or level of commitment to catch up to our own, as this delays our own willingness to take the lead in change. It&#8217;s also important to realise that an apparent lack of commitment may not signify a lack of commitment to the relationship, but rather to the issue being tackled in therapy. Therapy can be incredibly useful because it allows couples to come to new understandings and compromise about things that at face value may seem quite discouraging.

When We're Focused On Different Issues

Look out for Part III of this article (How Couples Therapy Can Help) which will discuss clarifies what couples therapy is, how it works, and what it has to offer, to enable informed decision making for those considering <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">couples</a> work.

Next In The Series...

An Introduction To Couples Therapy: Part II Doubts About Counselling

Founder, Rehanna Kauser welcomes you to Phinity and our homepage.

A Warm Welcome From Phinity Therapy

Rehanna discusses some of the issues we work with at Phinity Therapy.

Rehanna Talks Issues

Rehanna briefly discusses some of Phinity’s mental health services and the kind of care you can expect.

Rehanna Discusses Phinity Services

Most of us know about the stage theory of grief (i.e., the 7 stages) but do you know how to move through the stages in a healthier way? This video discusses a lesser known grief model to help process human loss.
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At Phinity Therapy Birmingham, we offer bereavement counselling, including existential psychotherapy, and CBT.

The HEALTHIER WAY To Grieve

So many mental health professionals aren&#8217;t there! Do you know what the differences are between a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-counsellor-psychiatrist-psychotherapist-and-psychologist/">counsellor, psychologist, and psychiatrist?</a> Learn now so you can judge best who can support your therapeutic needs!

What Your THERAPIST'S TITLE REALLY MEANS!

Highly recommend for therapy. Life-changing experience!

Anonymous 

Professional, empathetic, and effective therapy.

Maddy 

I can't thank Phinity Therapy enough for their support and expertise.

James M

Thanks Rehanna, I feel the best I've felt in YEARS and I've had a few therapists before so that's a credit to you.

Really grateful for Rehanna's help, and for listening to me, it's really helped.


Thank you, I feel progress after every session.

I just want to thank you for helping me to feel again.  I numbed myself with medication for so long, I forgot how clear my mind could feel without it and I have been able to feel the good feelings again now too, I feel motivated, something that has been missing for years, I really didn't think I'd ever feel this way again.  Thank you so much Rehanna.

Odessa i

It felt like these sessions were all I had to help me through a really difficult time at work.  I honestly don't know how I would have managed without your help and support.  I have my family and friends but it's just not the same, I needed a place where it felt safe to be completely open and feel my vulnerability, and you gave me that.  Thank you Rehanna. 

Great location, easy to access which made it convenient to get therapy during my lunch hour

Liam E

Sometimes I wonder what we're going to talk about when nothing has happened in the week but we always seems to go somewhere useful and I leave feeling better.  I am dreading the last session next week but you are right, it's an end and a new beginning.


Sonia P

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We understand that each individual is unique, which is why we provide an extensive selection of psychological therapies and personal coaching services. Whether you&#8217;re facing mental health concerns or seeking personal growth, we have you covered.
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Our offerings encompass a broad spectrum, ranging from practical modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), to more introspective approaches like Existentialism and Psychoanalysis. These deep-diving methodologies foster profound self-awareness and help you unravel unproductive patterns in your life.
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Embrace Your Uniqueness: Discover our Diverse Range of Therapies and Coaching Services

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Welcome to Phinity Therapy, where we empower you to attain the fulfilling life you desire and deserve.
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Experience a complimentary consultation, a brief call dedicated to addressing your therapeutic concerns. Through this process, we will explore various psychological approaches that align with your unique needs and goals, ensuring we connect you with the ideal practitioner who can best support you on your journey.