How To Deal With A Narcissist

Introduction

Narcissism is a personality trait characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. It exists on a spectrum, ranging from occasional narcissistic tendencies to the more severe and diagnosable mental health condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the fifth diagnostic and statistical manual (DSMV). NPD is a mental health disorder defined by pervasive patterns of grandiosity, entitlement, and impaired interpersonal relationships that significantly impact daily functioning. But narcissism is also difficult to handle for those around the person who has narcissistic traits, or NPD. If you’re such a person, then you will know that it can be challenging to be around a narcissistic person. And if you’re around them for extended periods, it can take an emotional toll, whether this be in a relationship, friendship, or at work. This article will help you answer the question of “How do you deal with a narcissist?” Because you have to learn strategies for emotional protection so you can guard your mental wellbeing. This article will offer practical advice for managing relationships and boundaries so let’s look at how to deal with narcissist.

Signs You’re Dealing With A Narcissist

So before we can answer, how do you deal with narcissistic people, we have to understand the characteristics of narcissistic individuals. This is important because narcissistic behaviours or traits vary in intensity and are not always indicative of NPD. This is why we have to consider it as a spectrum and not rush to label people ‘a narcissist.’ Narcissistic people will often exhibit some of the following, to varying degrees, and can be thought of as ‘somewhat narcissistic,’ because they show some of these signs at some time or another. With the personality disorder that is known as NPD, the following traits are well established and pathological, they’re a part of the person’s nature, and are therefore enduring and problematic.

• One of the traits is an excessive need for admiration, where they’re constantly craving attention and validation.
• There is also the lack of empathy due to the difficulty in understanding or caring about others’ emotions.
• Grandiosity is also a sign, this grandiose sense means the individual has an inflated sense of self-importance and sense of entitlement.
• Narcissists also use manipulative behaviour, for example, they may use others to achieve their own goals, an example of this is ‘love bombing’.
• Another form of manipulative behaviour they use is ‘gaslighting,’ this is when someone denies reality to make others doubt themselves.
• Then there is the exploitation, where they will take advantage of you for personal gain.
• Narcissistic people also experience jealousy or envy a lot of the time, or they may believe others are envious of them.
• They will also struggle to handle criticism and may overreact to anything they perceive as a slight.
• Often any relationship with a narcissistic person will feel superficial, because it is. This is because narcissists prioritise their image over genuine connections.

So now you know the signs to look out for, let’s understand how do you deal with a narcissist…

12 Tips For How To Cope With A Narcissist

Educate Yourself About Narcissism

So how to deal with a narcissist is like anything else, in the sense that forewarned is forearmed. Getting to a position of power is about arming yourself with – you guessed it – knowledge. You’re already making good headway by reading this article, and learning how to deal with a narcissist. This means you’re well on your way to learning about narcissism and NPD by understanding the behaviour patterns of narcissistic people. But do go further, we have other articles and pages with information about this subject, as well as videos. If you have a special interest, expand your awareness through books, other articles, or seek professional advice from a psychologist. It’s so important to understand the tendencies that narcissistic people enact, because for a start, it will allow you to depersonalise their actions. But more than this, you will not be caught off guard, and you will also be able to protect yourself and your interests by setting much needed boundaries. These can be thought of as protective shields, because people with NPD can be deadly. Yes, alongside psychopathy and Machiavellianism, narcissism is considered one of the three dark traits in psychology.

Don’t React

Even though dealing with a narcissist can be dangerous and deadly, as we explored in one of our YouTube videos, it’s important not to react to your fears or any provocation that might occur. When you’re wondering: How can I deal with a narcissist? The first thing is to stay calm, especially if the person in question is trying to get a reaction from you. This is important because when you react emotionally, it can escalate any conflict. Sometimes, this is exactly what the other person wants, as they wish to dominate interactions and others to feel powerful, when they really feel anything but. So practice detachment and use neutral responses during heated conversations. This is necessary for your own preservation when considering how do you deal with a narcissist because they want you to lose control. Remember, narcissistic people will take advantage of others to achieve their goals and you need to stay alert. One way to do this is keeping control of yourself.

Don’t Take It Personally

How do you handle a narcissist? Firstly, you don’t take it personally when they act in ways that might be hurtful or unkind. It’s important to make the distinction between what they are doing, and how you might normally perceive it. For example, if they are being condescending, try not to let this make you feel that you’re unworthy in some way by recognising that their behavior is more likely to be a reflection of their inner struggles and their own lack of self-esteem. This way, you are less likely to internalise hurtful comments or actions as being indicative of you in some negative way. This is important when considering how to deal with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, but also someone who exhibits narcissistic traits that are still going to be harmful. So one good way of preventing harm to yourself is to create a shield by making the distinction; “It’s not about me, it’s about them“.

Establish Boundaries

But if you’re thinking about how to deal with a narcissist friend or how to deal with narcissistic people in general then it’s important to realise that it’s not simply a case of accepting and being made to tolerate their behaviour because your needs and wishes are important too. So, if you wish to maintain a relationship, or have to, then it’s about defining some clear limits about what you consider acceptable behavior, and enforcing these boundaries consistently. This may seem like a scary thing to establish because it requires some fairly honest conversation, which, as we know, will be taken as criticism. So, when you have that talk, use “I” statements to communicate your needs without provoking the other person. For example, rather than say “You always dismiss how I feel,” you might say “when we talk about X, I often feel unheard/dismissed.” This is less likely to be taken defensively.

Demand Actions Over Promises

Another important aspect when it comes to how to handle a narcissist is to demand actions, not just words, in the form of promises. There’s a reason why they say ‘Actions speak lounder than words,’ it’s because when we do something by taking an action, we commit to a something in a tangible way. So if you want to know how to deal with narcissistic person, you might be better off focusing on their behavior, rather than what they say they will do, especially because such individuals are likely to attempt to manipulate. This also means that when the person does not follow-through on what they say they will do, you hold them accountable. This will start to create a consistent expectation in them, from you, and they are less likely to give you false promises because they will know that they will be expected to deliver on them.

Watch for Gaslighting

Another important thing to consider when learning how to cope with a narcissist is to watch out for gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person tries to make someone doubt their perceptions, memory, or sanity. They may do this by denying reality, dismissing concerns, or twisting facts. Gaslighting is often used to take control and undermine the other person’s confidence and sense of reality. Learning how to cope with narcissistic abuse like this is tricky but you can try simple things like documenting conversations or events to counter their manipulation. This will help you to trust your perception of reality, rather than second-guessing yourself like the narcissistic person wants. Because, once they start to make you doubt yourself, they’re in your head, and it can be very difficult to evict them and trust yourself, when compromised in this way. Write things down as they happen, while the interaction is fresh in your mind.

Build Self-Esteem

This one is so relevant when it comes to narcissism, because of how narcissism is often characterised by a lack of self-esteem. This is why it’s necessary to keep an eye on, and build your own as a way how to deal with narcissist. Why? Because narcissists can slowly chip away at your self-worth, especially if you’re around narcissistic behaviour in a consistent way. Engaging with activities that boost your confidence and emotional resilience are a great way to help you build a stronger sense of self. Learning something new is an example of something that can help you feel more confident and better about yourself. Another example is exercise, which helps produce mood regulating hormones whilst helping you feel better in, and about, your body. You can also strengthen your sense of self-worth through other forms of self-care, or affirmations – just make sure they are things you can believe. This is a useful, but often overlooked way of helping answer the question of: How do you deal with a narcissist – especially because they will often try to undermine your confidence and erode your self-esteem.

Remind Yourself You Are Not to Blame

Another way to answer the question: “How can you deal with a narcissist?” is to understand that narcissistic behavior is borne from their personality and issues, not your actions. A narcissist person is often doing things because of their own need for validation, superiority, or as a response to their own unhappiness. This is hard to remember when you’re at the receiving end of their words and actions and are just trying to manage your own emotional responses, which can take over. So, instead, try to remind yourself that you are not to blame, even if it’s after an encounter, when you have time and space to reflect on what’s happened. Resist feelings of guilt or responsibility that you may be misplacing on yourself – because you’re not at fault for their issues. So, how do you handle a narcissist? You give back what is not yours to take – responsibility for their actions.

Focus on Your Own Needs

A key aspect of narcissism is the focus on self. Narcissus was said to have been so in love with his reflection when looking into a lake, that he fell in and drowned. So if you have someone a bit like this in your life, it may not be so easy to distance yourself completely, especially if they’re a close loved one. So it becomes not just about how to deal with narcissist, but how to get along with a narcissist. One way is to avoid being consumed by their demands or criticisms and instead prioritise your own mental and emotional wellbeing by pursuing your hobbies and interests. This focus on your own needs can help you minimise any resentment that you may otherwise build and store up. When emotions are pent up in this way, they become toxins in our bodies, affecting not just emotional health, but physical health too, because of how they affect the hormones our bodies produce.

Find Support

So what if you have a friend that has made you come here to learn how to deal with a narcissist? It’s important that you also have someone that you can talk to if things become too much. This is especially important when we consider how narcissistic people will use manipulation tactics like gaslighting, to make us doubt ourselves. So talk to trusted friends or family about the interactions you experience so that you can gain another opinion. If you don’t feel like you have anyone you can talk to about how to cope with a narcissist, there are other options worth looking into. For example, you might consider joining support groups for individuals dealing with narcissistic abuse, even if you’re unsure about whether you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse. Sometimes, the manipulation or abuse can be quite subtle, rather than explicit when people are good at manipulating others. So, having other people around may help you gain clarity and learn to trust yourself.

Recognize When You Need Professional Help

So if you’re confused about whether the person in question is affected by NPD, or just has some narcissistic traits, and are using this as a way to determine whether you should seek help – don’t. It’s not just about how to deal with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it’s about how to handle a narcissist, whether they’re of the moderate or severe variety. Why is this? Because each can impact you in similar ways, depending on various factors. So if you’re reading this now, there’s a reason. I’ve had clients who have come to me to process their emotions because of the impact an ex-narcissistic spouse has had on them. Sometimes, it’s been a family member that they cannot easily get away from, so therapy has helped them learn to develop coping mechanisms and gain tools to manage interactions with the narcissistic people in their lives. Seek a mental health professional if you’re concerned. We are here to help.

Know When You Need to Leave a Relationship

We all want healthy relationships, but some soon realise they’re in toxic ones. In fact, some of my clients have needed help to understand the signs of emotional harm and learn when it’s best to exit. When they come to the conclusion that they need to leave, for some peace of mind, we have used the therapeutic space to create an exit plan. Often these same clients have been considering leaving for months, and even years, but felt too scared and overwhelmed to do it by themselves. They may even come into therapy wanting to learn how to cope with narcissistic abuse. But, soon they realise it’s not enough to learn how best to deal with a narcissist, because they shouldn’t have to. Therapy can help people understand when it’s time to leave because they begin to rebuild their self-worth in therapy, this is a crucial aspect because a narcissistic relationship erodes self-esteem. By rebuilding it again, clients are able to learn they are enough and deserve more than they’ve been led to believe.

Final Thoughts

Living with a narcissistic person, or wondering how do you deal with narcissist because you interact with one at home, work, or within your greater circle is an unfortunate position to be in. It can feel quite isolating but, it’s not as uncommon as you may think. You may doubt your own instincts, so it’s important to learn strategies by educating yourself about narcissistic behaviour. Once you’re sure that you’re dealing with a narcissist, you can do things that will help you learn how to cope with a narcissist. For example. setting boundaries, and self-care. But, if it feels too overwhelming, remember, there is professional help out there – we have worked with this problem and would be happy to support you, whether you’re someone who is trying to cope with a narcissist, or whether you are concerned about being a narcissist yourself. Ultimately, it’s not just about asking: “How do you get along with a narcissist,” it’s also about prioritising your mental health and self-worth by attending to your needs in any relationship that feels one-sided. A narcissist will fall into the lake and try to take you with them – don’t let them.