How To Cope With Losing A Pet

Introduction

Pet bereavement is one of the most devastating things a pet owner can go through. This is because research shows that pets are increasingly regarded as family members, and not just kept for their usefulness, as they once were. It is great that we are able to love our pets and feel so connected to them. Unfortunately, however, this deeper bondedness also means that we will naturally, at some point, need to know how to cope with a loss of a pet, owing to their shorter lifespans. But, it’s important to recognise that grieving a pet is natural, and valid. This reminder is necessary because of how some societal views may minimise your very real loss and grief. This is why this blog is here – to support you. It aims to help provide understanding of grief, offer coping strategies, and suggest ways to memorialise your beloved pet when the worst happens.

What Is Grief And Why Does The Loss of A Pet Hurt So Much?

Grief is the emotional response to loss. It often involves a whole plethora of feelings like sadness, disbelief, and even anger and people can feel bereft about all kinds of losses. When it comes to our pets, we experience a very unique bond. Humans and animals have worked together in ways throughout history and as industry has advanced, our relationships with animals changed. They became pets rather than being kept for utilitarian reasons like transporting goods, or for security. Keeping animals as pets created blended families – cross-species families. We feel unconditional love for our pets, they become a part of our routines, and provide a sense of companionship. Because of them we feel comforted, experience joyful moments, and they even give us a sense of purpose like a child might. This is why their loss is so traumatic, because it disrupts the attachment we have formed. Yes, because our pets are so present in our daily routines, their absence is deeply felt and it makes coping with pet loss even harder. People may even feel more isolated when they grieve a pet, than they might when grieving a person. This is because many people do not fully understand that the loss of a pet can be just as devastating. So it’s important to understand that grief can vary between people. There is no set time and the intensity of the loss is also different for each of us. This is because everyone processes loss differently. So it’s necessary to legitimise how you feel if you’ve lost your beloved companion. As a pet owner myself, I hope you’ll join me in affirming your very special kind of loss, because when you do, you honour your lost and beloved family member. So let’s learn together how to deal with a pet loss.

The Process Of Grieving After The Loss of A Pet

The ‘five stages of grief’ model tell us that when we lose someone, we can experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. This can also apply when losing a pet. It’s necessary to point out that grieving is a non-linear process. Many think that the stages must be experienced in a particular order, with individuals passing through one stage and moving to the next. This is a commonly held misconception about grief. The feelings you feel, things like denial, anger, and sadness may be experienced over and over again. This is because the loss is being processed according to your experience of it, so it’s quite normal to move back and forth through the stages of grief. For example, your emotions may fluctuate between feeling okay to feeling overwhelming sadness, and then back to feeling okay. It’s important therefore to be self-compassionate when you’ve experienced the loss of a pet. This is because you will need time and patience and dealing with pet loss will test you. You might think of it this way; the intensity of your grief reflects the depth of the bond you shared with your pet, so your feelings of loss and grief may be quite strong. This is why you must validate your feelings and your grieving process. One way to do this is to seek support from those around you, especially those you think will understand pet loss. This will help you during this very tough time, a time when you will naturally be feeling alone without your loved one.

Coping With Pet Loss

Acknowledge Your Grief

A very necessary aspect about how to deal with a pet loss is to acknowledge your grief. As mentioned, society may not acknowledge the loss of a pet as warranting some of the feelings described in the stage model of grief. This makes it even more important that you accept and validate your feelings of loss without judgment. You must recognise that grieving for your pet is a normal and necessary response to losing them because they are loved by you. Just as it’s normal that our pets experience separation anxiety when we are apart from them, so too is it normal that we will experience the loss of them as difficult, especially because of the finality of it. So honour your love for them, it shows you care.

Continue Your Relationship Through Memories

Once you’ve acknowledged and honoured your process, it’s about how to cope with a loss of a pet. Something that I as a therapist do for my clients who wish to process grief, is to help them recall positive memories, share photos, or moments that brought them joy with their loved one. By calling them back to mind in this way, by telling stories and sharing memories, we can maintain a sense of connection with them. I have helped people do this with their pets too. Sometimes I notice them minimising their need to do this, but when they allow themselves to, they can experience such love and warmth, and even happiness at the retelling of happier times.

Memorialise Your Pet

Coping with pet loss doesn’t have to be played down, and I hope that’s been established by this point. Something that people often find helpful when they’ve lost someone close is to create a memorial. This can be therapeutic and help you feel connected to them in a special way. You could have a memorial service, plant a tree, or keep a special item of theirs. When it comes to how to grieve a pet, memorialising them is a positive way to help you honour your pet and it can also help you move towards a kind of acceptance and closure. Even if they are not present, they are kept in mind, or commemorated because you preserve the memory of them through a lasting tribute.

Don’t Let Anyone Tell You How To Feel

As much as you may feel the pressure to “move on” or dismiss the loss because those around you indicate this either through their words, actions, and maybe even silence or inaction, you should try to resist the urge to let others tell you how to feel. Coping with pet loss is hard enough and if you try to rush it, you’re only suppressing how you feel. This isn’t healthy. Instead it’s about honouring your grief as unique, and respecting your individual journey. This is important and necessary when dealing with pet loss if you want to process your feelings and help yourself work through the loss in a helpful way. If you wouldn’t rush someone else, don’t let them rush you.

Reach Out To Others Who Have Lost Pets

Pet bereavement, as mentioned is a lonely experience but thankfully, in today’s modern age, you’re able to access all kinds of things to help you minimise the isolation. For example, you’ve already accessed this blog, which is going to recommend that you connect with friends or online communities as an option. These are places where you can feel understood when you share your pain about losing your pet. By talking to others, you can give and receive emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation. You can also share ideas about how to deal with a pet loss and feel validated when you talk about your experience. It may be just what you need at a time of loss and loneliness.

Rituals Can Help Healing

When you had your beloved pet around, you had certain routines with them that helped to structure your day. Now they are gone, you have not only lost them, but also those routines and the structure they provided. So consider creating personal rituals to help you process and express the grief you feel at the loss of a pet. You might light a candle for them, or visit their favourite spot. This may feel painful at first, however, rituals can provide some structure and connection to your lost loved one. You might even choose to talk to them or pray for them, when you’re going through the ritual. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way how to grieve a pet, but if a ritual helps, consider it.

Accept Support From Others

Sometimes, grieving a pet is lonely because of the reasons mentioned, but at others it can be because we don’t let others help us. This may be because you are playing things down because it’s a pet and not a person, or it may just be your way, but allowing family and friends to comfort you is much more likely to help you work through the loss of a pet. Even if your friends or family didn’t know the pet well, it is very likely they will still want to support you during your difficult time, because they know and love you. By accepting their support, you can strengthen your resilience during the grieving period, when you need it the most.

Keep Yourself Busy

Another psychological model of grief is the dual process model of grief and loss. This model proposes that grief work must be balanced with rest because we cannot be in a grief state all of the time. So keeping yourself busy by engaging in activities that can help distract you from intense sadness is a helpful option when coping with pet loss. By staying occupied, you will be able to provide yourself with moments of emotional relief, and bring back a sense of normalcy when your world feels anything but. This does not mean you’re forgetting or dishonouring your pet and the loss of them – quite the opposite – it’s because their loss is so big that you have to use distraction to cope.

Search For Meaning

When it comes to how to grieve a pet or any kind of big life crisis or juncture, it’s quite normal to ask the ‘bigger questions.’ Reflecting on the lessons and joy your pet brought to your life can offer you some comfort and appreciation during the grief process. You may be able to find some meaning in the time you shared and what it gave you – and your beloved pet. So when you’re wondering how to cope with a loss of a pet, remember, you’re wondering this because of what they mean to you. You also meant something to them, and what might this mean for you? Try not to diminish your role in your pet’s life, and don’t diminish their absence in yours.

Seek For Professional Help

Dealing with pet loss can become such that your grief becomes overwhelming. If this happens and you’ve tried pet loss support groups, or would prefer some one to one support from a professional, consider seeking counselling. Therapy offers a space to honour and process your grief. You can also develop healthy coping strategies and you will not be expected to rush through the process. Your therapist will want to meet you, where you’re at. This is where we can work from. So, if you’re in need of this kind of tailored supportive space, do get in touch with us today. We are a pet loving company and will honour your experience in the way it deserves. Just don’t suffer alone.

Tips For Seniors On How To Deal With A Loss of A Pet

Pet bereavement can bring about unique challenges for those who may be retired and whose routine therefore involved more time with their pet. So it’s important to mention specific ways of dealing with pet loss if this is the case for you. For example, staying in touch with friends will be even more crucial because you will have more time to focus on and feel the absence of your pet. Social interaction can help prevent isolation and help manage loneliness. It will also be important to exercise regularly because physical activity can improve mood and provide a healthy outlet for stress. You may feel demotivated at this time but this is why it may be important to force yourself to engage in new hobbies to take up your time. By finding new interests or volunteering, you can create a positive focus and perhaps experience moments of joy again. This also helps you try new routines or interests to fill the gap left by your pet’s absence. One of these things may also be a grief support group where you can connect with others in similar situations and receive emotional support. Another way to help you work through your feelings and feel connected to your pet is to create a memory book. This could be in the form of a scrapbook or memory box so you can enjoy the happy memories you shared whenever you feel the need to. All of these suggestions are aimed to help you stay physically and mentally active and process your feelings. If you are able to do some of these, you’ll be able to help your overall emotional wellbeing and grief process. But remember, if you are finding this too difficult, you can always contact us for support.

Help Children Deal With A Pet Loss

Just as the loss of a pet can bring unique challenges for older people, it can also be different for children. This is because children can form strong bonds with pets and the loss of their pet may be their first experience of loss. For this reason, they may also struggle with the concept of death. So helping children understand and cope with loss is important for their emotional development. This is why we offer some helpful ways you can help your child work through the loss of a beloved pet.

Express Your Own Feelings In Front Of  Your Child

When coping with pet loss you may misguidedly think you should hide your grief from your child to protect them. In fact, it’s important that you model healthy expressions of sadness and grief. This will teach your child that it’s okay to feel and express difficult emotions, because they have your example. This will help them when the family is grieving a pet because it normalises the grieving process.

Reassure It’s Not Their Fault

When we’re considering how to cope with a loss of a pet for ourselves, we may or may not experience guilt. Children often blame themselves when things go wrong and internalise these messages. So, it’s important to communicate that their pet’s passing was not because of something they did or didn’t do. This reassurance can help prevent any conscious or unconscious feelings of guilt or confusion that your child may have.

Give Your Child An Opportunity To Create A Memento

Another important aspect about how to deal with a pet loss for your child might be to suggest making a drawing, writing a letter, or creating a memory box for their pet. These kinds of activities can help your child process their feelings and continue to have a positive connection with their beloved pet. Remember, pet bereavement should be expressed and these activities may also help your child therapeutically.

Allow Them To Be Involved In A Memorial Process

Dealing with pet loss when children are involved may make you think you should shield them from certain aspects of the situation but grieving a pet can be helped if you let your child participate in any memorial or farewell activity. This can give them the opportunity for closure because they are kept involved. This also helps them learn to understand and accept their pet’s passing rather than feel confused.

Don’t Rush With A Replacement Pet

It can be tempting to bring in a new pet immediately because some people think this is how to cope with a loss of a pet or because you want to help your child feel better, but this may feel like a replacement to them. Instead, allow your child time to grieve fully before considering another pet. This process will teach them how to grieve a pet and build resilience, rather than avoiding their feelings.

Putting A Pet To Sleep

Knowing When It’s The Time To Put A Pet To Sleep

Coping with pet loss can be all the more difficult if you have to make the near-impossible decision to put your pet to sleep. The idea of this is so painful that we frame it in a way that feels slightly easier to reconcile (i.e., “put them to sleep”). But, it’s important to keep context in mind when you’re imagining grieving a pet and letting your guilt affect the decision. It’s about keeping perspective by considering any signs in your pet that indicate they are suffering, such as constant pain or the inability to eat or move. These devastating signs should be discussed with your vet so that you can look at all the possible options and make an informed decision. If your vet has advised you to end your pets life and you’re still unsure, you can seek a second opinion. But, if you trust they have explored all possible options and still advise you to euthanise your pet, then choosing this option may be a compassionate choice to end your pets life, because it is suffering. At this stage it is about putting your pet’s quality of life before how hard it feels for you. It’s a cruel fate, but a loving act.

What To Expect When Putting A Pet To Sleep

When we consider how to deal with a pet loss in the case of euthanasia, it can be aided by some clarification. Your vet will likely answer any questions you have but let’s briefly touch on what can be expected in most cases of euthanasia. The process of euthanasia involves sedation and the peaceful passing of your pet. It’s important to prepare for the way this will affect you emotionally because, understandably, it can be a difficult experience. As hard as this time can be, it’s important to remember why you are doing this. In a sense, the loss of a pet has already occurred if you are being advised to put your pet to sleep, because your pet is no longer how you knew them to be. As painful as the decision to euthanise is, try to hold on to the fact that euthanasia is designed to be a painless and compassionate act for your pet. This does not take away from the pain and sadness you will feel, because it is painful and sad for your pet to be in this situation, and you feel for them, and because of the loss you will feel. But, the option to euthanise may be a mercy for your beloved pet.

How To Explain A Pet Euthanasia To Your Child

When you’re dealing with pet loss that has occurred due to euthanasia and you have a child it’s important to use simple language to explain why euthanasia is necessary. Try to help your child see that putting the family pet to sleep is a way to relieve the pet’s suffering, emphasising that it helps them feel better. For example: “Sometimes, when a pet is very, very sick and can’t get better, the vet can help them go to sleep peacefully so they don’t feel any more pain. It’s a way to help them feel better, even though it means they won’t be with us anymore. This can be hard to understand, but it’s something we do out of love so they can rest comfortably.” Encourage your child to ask questions because it allows them to express fears and emotions openly and have them heard and clarified. This will make the process of pet bereavement less confusing and maintain open dialogue so they can seek your help on how to grieve a pet. They’ll learn they can ask questions and talk about their feelings rather than bottling things up. And, because euthanasia adds a certain poignancy to the loss of a pet, it’s even more important to help your child understand anything they need to about what is happening and why.

Getting A New Pet After A Pet Loss

Pet bereavement is an incredibly difficult process and may make you wonder about getting a new pet. Remember that timing for getting a new pet varies and should be based on your individual readiness. As previously stated, it’s important to understand that when it comes to how to cope with a loss of a pet, getting a new pet is not the answer. You should allow some time and space for grieving a pet before considering a new pet. This way you won’t feel like you are replacing your pet, and, you will also give yourself the time you need to process and work through your grief. Alternatively, you may want a new pet but resist the idea because you feel guilty about ‘replacing’ your loved lost one. But try to remember that a new pet can offer you the companionship you miss and need, and by adopting a new pet, you are giving another animal a loving home. Just ensure you feel emotionally ready to. You might do this for example, by assessing your emotional responses when remembering your lost pet. If you do this, you can get a new pet when you’re ready and be what they need, while still honouring the memory of your beloved pet.