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Uncoupling Or Divorce Therapy In Birmingham & Online

Updated: May 20, 2024

Divorce & separation don’t have to be as divisive, uncertain, and frightening as often they are. Our compassionate ‘uncoupling therapy’ can help partners support one another through the separation process, sometimes meaning they can still retain some kind of relationship.

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What Is Uncoupling Therapy?

At Phinity Therapy we offer a form of divorce therapy called Uncoupling Therapy. This was developed by us and is based on the work of Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist who developed a form of couples counselling called  Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and the work of marriage and family therapist, Katherine Woodward Thomas who coined the term ‘Conscious uncoupling’.

 

This dynamic therapy is a mindful and intentional approach to ending a romantic relationship or marriage with kindness toward one another. It posits that when a relationship ends, it can happen without drama and pain, which are all too common during breakups. This therapy has proven that instead of blaming each other and becoming adversaries, couples can work together to end the relationship in a respectful and compassionate way.

About Uncoupling Counselling At Phinity Therapy

Our relationship counsellors offer a safe, supportive, non-judgmental, and caring space to help you and your partner find your way through the difficulties you are both facing. We do this by listening to you and attempting to understand both positions.

 

The process of therapy will involve:

 

  1. Acknowledging and accepting the end of the relationship: It will be important to help both partners recognise that the relationship has come to an end and that it’s time to move forward.
  2. Grieving the loss: We will facilitate the processing of difficult feelings for one or both partners, providing time and space to make sense of feelings and grieving the loss of the relationship and the future that is no more.
  3. Taking responsibility: It may also be helpful to individuals to take responsibility for their part in the breakup, this entails each person examining their attitudes and behaviours that contributed to the relationship’s breakdown.
  4. Refocus: Therapy can help partners to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship rather than the negative. This means that positive memories of the time together can help the process along, rather than dwelling on the negative.
  5. Co-creating a new relationship: Partners will work together to establish new boundaries, communication patterns, and expectations for their relationship moving forward.

 

We recommend that the first session be a longer one (75 minutes) than the usual session length of 50 minutes, or that you each have an individual 50-minute session.  This helps the course of therapy as we can get to know you individually and understand your perspectives in greater detail before progressing to joint work. Weekly therapy sessions of 50 minutes are the norm but depend on the issues and goals.

 

As with any therapy, it is hard work and requires the maximum commitment and engagement of both partners.  Uncoupling therapy may reveal that separation is the best outcome, which one partner may not want.  If this happens, we will be here to guide you through the separation and grief process and attempt to help you support one another.

Benefits Of Uncoupling Counselling

Uncoupling Therapy aims to minimize the emotional pain and trauma often associated with the end of a relationship and to establish a healthy, respectful, and positive new dynamic so individuals can work together and also come to less emotionally and financially costly ways of handling practical concerns, when dividing up assets and responsibilities, for example.

What Issues Uncoupling Therapy Helps With

Uncoupling therapy can help partners traverse many kinds of issues at a time when communication is very likely at its most difficult. It can facilitate the ability to trust and be open enough to communicate more effectively and learn how to understand and support one another through challenges, and practical problems as well. This novel way of ending a relationship can offer fuller acceptance, less harm, and closure.

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References
  • Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Routledge.
  • Thomas, K. W. (2015). Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale.
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