How To Deal With Loneliness

Introduction

Do you experience loneliness? What is loneliness, and does it affect only young people? How to deal with loneliness? Clinically, we might define loneliness as a subjective, distressing experience that arises when there is a discrepancy between an one’s desired and actual social relationships. It’s not simply about being alone, it’s about feeling alone, regardless of the amount of social contact. When we perceive an intolerable amount of social isolation, we can feel emotionally uncomfortable with it. When this happens, other mental and physical health issues ensue. But we should distinguish between loneliness and solitude; one can feel lonely in a crowd or content when alone. So it’s about individual perception of social connections and the fulfilment of social needs. If you’re reading this because you feel lonely and want to know how to deal with loneliness, then it’s important to acknowledge your feelings first. Then the question becomes how can I overcome loneliness – this involves seeking meaningful social interactions that align with your desires for connection.

Now if you’ve been asking yourself how do I cope with loneliness, and feeling like you’re alone with this as well, then let me offer some perspective, because actually, you’re in good company. The UK is the lonely capital of Europe, with approximately 23% of adults feeling lonely often or always, versus 12% of EU citizens. We even beat the US, who are close behind at 22% of adults experience frequent loneliness. In Japan it’s about 9% of adults who report feeling lonely often or always. As for age groups, findings suggest that younger people, the world over are experiencing higher levels of loneliness, possibly due to spending time on social media, life transitions, and changing social dynamics.​

Loneliness and isolation, when chronic can take a huge emotional and physical toll on a person, so it’s important to take it seriously and address it, for instance, you may be asking yourself how to deal with loneliness as a man, or how to deal with depression and loneliness, because they often come together, these questions are valid and should be taken seriously because of the impact to overall wellbeing. This article provides answers, with actionable strategies, to overcome loneliness.​

How Can I Overcome Loneliness?

Acknowledge Your Feelings

If you want to know how to deal with being lonely or how to deal with loneliness as a man, then the first thing is to recognise and accept your feelings of loneliness.​ If you try to distract yourself and push your feelings down into your expanding pit of sadness, you’re in denial and this can make the sense of isolation worse.​ So a good way of learning how to deal with feeling lonely is expressing instead of suppressing your feelings. This could be through journaling, or if you feel comfortable speaking with someone you know and trust. These can help you start to acknowledge how you’re actually feeling. And, when it comes to how to deal with extreme loneliness, the option of speaking to someone trustworthy can help in more ways than one. Why might this be? Well, not only is there the benefit of admitting loneliness how to deal, but also, the additional benefit of reducing your isolation by letting someone into your internal world and struggle. Sometimes, this can offer great relief. So, if you don’t have someone like this in your life, consider seeking professional help.

Reach Out to Others 

If you’re trying to learn how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, or how to deal with depression and loneliness, then it’s possible that you feel more comfortable being alone, which leads to withdrawal and isolation. This creates even more loneliness, especially after losing someone special. As much as you may not feel like it, it’s important to do the very opposite of what you reactively do. This means maintaining a healthy amount of contact with friends, family, or acquaintances. This is a good way when you’re googling: “how do you deal with being lonely”. If you’ve ghosted people and feel awkward about making the first move – don’t – it’s more than likely that whoever it is will be pleasantly surprised, and will understand why you pulled away, once you let them know. So send a casual and friendly message, it could be a simple “hey, how are you doing?” Then, it’s about trying to arrange meet ups, or even just phone calls –  whatever feels comfortable – but remember, not too comfortable, as that would likely entail isolation. If you can start to have regular social contact, you’ll have the beginnings of an answer to the question of how do I cope with loneliness.​

Join Support Groups 

So what other options when it comes to how to deal with isolation and loneliness? Nowadays there is not much of a sense of community in most places. When I was a child, we had ‘community centres’ and granted, there are still some dotted about the place, they’re now the exception, not the rule. So what’s another way of how to deal with being lonely? Gaining a sense of community via support groups. Do a search to see if you can find ​ways how to overcome the feeling of loneliness, locally, for any in-person options (if you’re willing). If not, what about an online community? Also, the group doesn’t even have to be related to how to cope with isolation and loneliness, it could be about general mental health, or maybe even an interest that you have, like anime, for example. Joining an interest group can be a great way to gain social contact, and who knows, even make some regular contacts, maybe even friends one day. This may be via online Zoom group meetings, forums where you post regularly, or video gaming that has an online option. But keep in mind, when it comes to how to handle being lonely, you may find that you need more than virtual connections, after a time.

Engage in Activities 

Speaking of interests, I often draw come of my clients back to the importance of hobbies and interests, especially when they want to learn how to deal with loneliness and rejection. Of course, this is not the primary focus we take, but it is one of the important aspects we must tend to; the practicalities of the problems we face. Some things can be helped with explorations, self-awareness and understanding, but there’s usually also a practical element that accompanies real change, and it is aimed at enhancing the person’s inner and outer worlds – which are intricately connected. So, how to deal with feeling lonely? Think about group activities that may be possible, as these can be good because they’re interesting or fun, but also because you are likely to find at least one or two people that you ‘gel’ with. When it comes to how to deal with loneliness, another important aspect of how to combat loneliness is having routine and structure in your daily life. Life is only made precious by the promise of death, by being accountable to other responsibilities like work, exercise, study, or whatever it is, your free time is made more valuable and you’re more likely to feel pleasure in it.​

Volunteer

So, asking “How can I overcome loneliness?”, may be further refined to “What can I do to make use of my time, and be with people?” One way is helping others. This can reduce feelings of loneliness because you’re not just in your solitary bubble, you can meet new people, engage with other activities, and feel useful. Volunteering is also a great option when you wonder how do you deal with being lonely. Why? Because it works for all involved, it benefits the community because many organisations are in need of people’s time. But, it also helps the one giving their time, and if that individual is you and you’re wondering how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, or simply, “How do I cope with loneliness?”, helping others out is a fantastic option. It can create a sense of fulfilment, reduce the hours of isolation, and help you feel worthwhile and socially engaged. You can also link it to something you’re interested in. For example, if you’ve always liked the idea of supporting people emotionally, there are many charities that would snap you up. If you love animals, you can find animal shelters that may need your time.

Explore New Interests 

Another fantastic way how to deal with loneliness is to try new activities or take a class in something you’ve always wanted to learn about. This is great because you can meet people who you share interests with. But, why is this a good answer to the question of “How can I overcome loneliness?” Because not only will it reduce isolation, thus doing something for your social contact deficit, but when we have new experiences, and learn new things, or simply find that we enjoy them, it can boost confidence and sometimes even self-esteem as we start to feel more accomplished and good about ourselves in a general sense. So what are some things you’ve always wanted to try? ​And it doesn’t even have to be anything fancy, you could start with just going to a coffee shop with someone you haven’t seen in a while, or looking at local groups in your area that meet to go walking, running, or climb mountains (yes, these do exist!). There really are few limits to what’s out there, so when considering how to deal with isolation and loneliness, don’t be afraid to come out of your comfort zone, it’s only uncomfortable because it’s uncharted. ​

Challenge Negative Thoughts 

Many people experience negative self-talk, this is often made up of narratives that we’ve inherited from others around us, but they become internalised and take on a voice of their own; meet you inner monologue. People often do not realise these are unwillingly and unwittingly inherited concepts, so will take them at face value. It affects women and men fairly equally, but when it comes to men, they have the added societal narrative that tells them they should be able to handle things, and that it’s unmanly to have feelings, and all of that nonsense. So how to deal with loneliness as a man? The same as a woman, I’d say. This means to be willing to admit things to yourself and then, be brave and ask yourself how to overcome the feeling of loneliness, and then seek the answers – just don’t bottle it all up and become a power keg waiting to implode or explode. For instance, when clients are considering how to deal with depression and loneliness, I will sometimes go to cognitive-behavioural strategies with some. CBT is a form of therapy that can help us reframe negative thoughts in a particular way. Another reason talking therapy helps is because you can seek the feedback of another person, to gain perspective – all helpful when learning how to deal with extreme loneliness

Adopt a Pet

For some, another amazing way how to cope with isolation and loneliness is to open your heart and home to a furry friend. Pets offer companionship and studies have shown (including one that I conducted myself), that the relationships that we have with our furry companions is now much like a familial one. They become a part of the family, and therefore a part of our routines. Studies have also shown that pets are great for our mental health, and wellbeing. Why is this? They give us a sense of responsibility and purpose, they can sometimes be the only contact people have with another, for some they can encourage other activities like going outdoors and interacting with people, they can also be very calming to be around, and, they love. So although they are great for how to deal with being lonely, and perhaps reduce it, it would be remiss of me not to mention that it’s important to consider choosing the right pet based on your lifestyle.​ Because, just as they help us, as an animal lover, I must stress that we must also help them by being a source of happiness for them as well. So, choose responsibly, and after careful consideration; they may be able to fulfil a need for you (in combination with some of the other tips here), but do ensure you can also meet theirs.

Be Patient and Kind to Yourself 

Now if you’re feeling frustrated with yourself when you wonder how to deal with feeling lonely or how to deal with loneliness and rejection, it’s so important to know that overcoming loneliness is a gradual process.​ Trying to force it and then getting annoyed with yourself, or speaking to yourself in unkind ways will only add to your problems. The first step when trying to find ways how to cope with isolation and loneliness, as mentioned, is to admit that you’re lonely and then be compassionate. One way to do this is to be patient. The next step is about how to handle being lonely rather than expect instant change. It probably took some time for you to come to feel how you do. It will also take time to change it. So, before thinking “How can I overcome loneliness?”, reframe this to how to deal with the feeling of loneliness, this means you meet yourself where you’re at, now. Then, start to set realistic goals and celebrate small victories. This may be just by starting to build a routine, take a walk every other day, or searching for activities you can do. These are all building blocks of progression. So ,acknowledge your effort and see what just this does. ​

See a Therapist 

One of the great ways that can help people, whether it be how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, or how to deal with extreme loneliness, or how to deal with the feeling of loneliness, is therapy. Why might this be? Professional help can provide tailored strategies for most problems. Also, you can learn how to overcome the feeling of loneliness and create a more meaningful life, one that you feel connected to. You might opt for individual, or group therapy and you can do this in person or online. It’s also important to do your research when seeking a mental health professional. So if you want a good one – welcome! 🙂 – but really, if perhaps you want an in person therapist and are too far from us at the moment (we’ll be expanding), then make sure you carefully review the experience and training of any potential therapist. Make sure that this is the kind of therapist that you can feel comfortable with when trying to learn how to handle being lonely and find ways to change things. Most therapists offer a free consultation, so speak with them and get a sense of the person. Because, the connection is as and sometimes, more important for success, when it comes to the art of therapy, and living well. ​

Summary

So whether you’re looking for ways how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, and how to deal with loneliness and rejection, or if it’s how to deal with isolation and loneliness, remember there are ways to help you leave your lonely world and create a fuller life. It may feel scary, and you may feel ‘safer’ alone, but if you’re feeling bad in your solitude, then safer isn’t better, it’s become a prison, and you’re the one with the key. You no longer have to seek the answer to the question of “How do you deal with being lonely?” via Google, because it doesn’t have to be your sad fate. Instead, how about learning how to deal with loneliness and finding the antidote? Whether that be reaching out to people, starting new activities, adopting a furry companion, volunteering, seeing a therapist, or a combination (recommended, in time), then you’re ahead on your way because you’re taking proactive steps towards connection.​ The main thing is that you take from this article, the ways that resonate most with you and remember, no one is an island. We all need to feel connected so we can see who we can be in the eyes of others, and ourselves. So, take step one today, acknowledge where you’re at, celebrate this, and then think about step two; deciding on the next step…and remember, we’re here to walk with you on the path ahead, it doesn’t have to be a lonely one.