How to Stop Self-Harm

Introduction

Before we talk about how to stop self harm, let’s understand what it is. Self-harm is often used as a way to cope with emotional difficulty or feeling distressed. But the problem with this coping mechanism is that it can become a harmful cycle. Many people try to find ways for how to stop self harming by looking for healthier ways to manage emotional pain. If you’re wondering how to stop yourself from self harming or how to help someone stop self harming, then read on. Because, change is possible as long as you have the right strategies and support. But it’s important to understand that self-harm is a complex thing so it requires a deeper, and long-lasting approach to move from self-harming to self-healing. This involves understanding triggers, emotional management, and long term recovery tools so you can take steps toward healing. In this article, we will explore how to stop self-harming in a multi-pronged way, as well as offering you alternative coping mechanisms. It’s not just about how to stop self harm, it’s also important to have a healthier way to help you cope, in place of this strategy.

Tips to Help You Stop Self-Harm

Identify Your Triggers

If you work with any mental health professionals to help you learn how to stop self harm, one of the most important things that will need to be understood are your triggers. When we know what compels us to act in a certain way, we are more likely going to prevent ourselves from reacting to the trigger. In this way, recognising what triggers self-harm, helps break the cycle. Triggers can vary immensely. For some people, emotional distress of certain kinds, like anxiety, depression, or trauma can make the individual start self harming and then continue to use this strategy each time. For example, if they’re experiencing relationship issues or academic stress, they may start to develop this unhealthy coping strategy. Some people’s triggers can relate to negative self-perception or intense self-criticism due to low self-esteem and the inability to tolerate negative feelings about themselves. So a good way how to stop thinking about self harm is by keeping a journal recording your thoughts and feelings. By doing this you can identify patterns in thoughts and behaviours before self-harm happens. For example, you may notice that when you have started to think about harming yourself, it’s often after spending a lot of time by yourself. This withdrawal gives you the time to overplay things in your mind and overthink. These are signs that you can start to notice and catch in the moment. By recognising early warning signs, you can put a spoke in the wheel. You can tell yourself that you need to do something else and create a list of alternative interventions that you can use. This may include talking to someone, and not necessarily about your wish to self-harm, or your feelings, but maybe as a way to come out of your head. This can teach you that there are always other options.

Develop Alternative Coping Mechanisms

This brings us to the importance of developing other ways to cope. When we consider how to stop self harming, we have to understand the necessity of replacing self-harm with something else. When people are stuck in unhealthy cycles of any kind, when they have become entangled with a vice, they cannot simply end that ‘relationship’ without having something to help them cope with the loss of all the things that they took from the vice. For example, if you’re a habitual weed smoker, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to stop smoking just like that. Why? Because weed is not just the act of smoking, it may be a way for you to socialise and bond, it could be a way to relax, or help you with your work. It means more than just the smoking aspect. So healthier coping strategies will be needed. For some people this may involve starting some kind of physical alternative, say vigorous exercise to channel distress. This is a great way to release intense emotions. This has helped clients of mine who wanted to know how to stop cutting, they found exercise a great release and likely benefited from the mood regulating effects of it too. Another physical alternative is holding an ice cube, using a stress ball, or elastic band. Emotional alternatives are an option too. These include expressing emotions in the aforementioned journal method, or practicing deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Then we come to social alternatives, this is about talking to a trusted friend or professional, or calling a crisis support line if you’re struggling with the urge to hurt yourself. This could be a helpline specific to self-harming, or a more generalised helpline if this is not available. These can still be helpful because they offers the option to explore your feelings and understand them better, so you’re not feeling so alone and overwhelmed by them.

Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

You may have heard about mindfulness practice and may think it’s just about meditation, but it’s so much more than that. Mindfulness offers some incredibly useful ways of grounding yourself in the present moment. One of the ways it can do this is through meditation, yes, but it’s also about its philosophy which comes from Eastern Buddhist teachings. But how does mindfulness help people learn how to stop thoughts of self harm? Well, it’s due to its techniques, which can help disrupt the urge to self-harm. This is because it teaches individuals way to move from reacting to their emotions when they feel the urge to harm, and instead, observing their feelings in more of a detached way. This means people who self harm can move from the reactive part of the brain to the rational part, allowing them to take control of the situation, rather than be controlled by their emotional urges. One such technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. This entails naming 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. By doing this you can focus on the present and go from being ‘inside your head’ to outside it, and in the room. Another helpful technique is deep breathing and there are many breathing exercises you can find to help you regulate your emotions and reduce distress. Another helpful aspect of mindfulness practice for those who wish to know how to stop from self harming, is the aspect of non-judgement. Mindfulness teaches non-judgmental awareness of thoughts, making it easier to stop self-harming behaviours because individuals can learn to move away from the negative thoughts that can trigger self-harm.

Reach Out for Social Support

If you want to know how to stop someone from self harming then the good thing is they already have someone like you trying to offer them social support. If you’re trying to support a loved one, remember that they will need a lot of understanding, as well as a healthy dose of patience. These ingredients are crucial because often those who self-harm are already feeling alone and misunderstood in some way, by people around them. As touched on earlier, isolation is often a sure-fire way for self-harm urges to go from urges to harm behaviours. So having a friend or family member is a great way to help nurture resilience because it offers social connection – the antidote to isolation. If however, you’re the one who self-harms and you’re reading this, then you will now know the importance of social support. This is why as much as you may wish to withdraw and act on your impulses, remember, it’s okay to lean on trusted friends and family, as long as they can offer you non-judgmental support. If this is not possible for you, therapy can be a great way to find that person who will offer you a safe space to non-judgementally explore your triggers, and help you work through your feelings. Alongside this, you can also learn strategies and techniques to help you in the moment because the deeper issues will take time to work through. If for any reason, you do not have the ability to access a friend, family member, or therapist, then maybe consider support groups or online communities. These can provide a sense of belonging too, just make sure they’re provided by reputable sources and are responsibly moderated or regulated.

Use Self-Soothing Techniques

Self-soothing is quite possibly a very underrated tool that we can all possess, and that can go a very long way in easing distress and even help people learn how to stop from self harming. There are things like breathing techniques or the 5-4-3-2-1 method mentioned, but there are also other ways to self-sooth. Sensory-based calming activities can replace self-harm behaviours and these activities don’t have to be anything too fancy, they can be quite simple. For example, a warm bath, some calming music, and aromatherapy are great ways to tap into the senses and help yourself relax – these may be done as isolated activities or at the same time. Hugging a pillow or stuffed animal can feel comforting and therefore, soothing for some people. Another great way is to develop positive self-talk to counter negative thoughts. We so often do the opposite – employ negative narratives, ones that can be deeply ingrained and almost automatic, such that we may not even realise we’re doing it. This is why it takes conscious effort and focus to develop positive self-narratives and in time, beliefs. For some people this is very unnatural and difficult. If this is true for you, then you may need to work on self-esteem in therapy, to help you develop a more fair and compassionate relationship with yourself. If you do this for yourself, you’re likely to impact self-harm for the better. Another excellent way to self-sooth is to create a self-care routine that reinforces self-worth, for example, you might use an evening to do a hair and face mask, or get yourself some nice skin care products to use. Another way is to eat better, get enough sleep, or incorporate exercise or some kind of learning in your life. All of these can help you feel cared for and build confidence and esteem.

Set Small, Achievable Goals

Recovery of any kind is a gradual process so we need to be self-compassionate and patient with ourselves. Just as you need this from those around you, you especially need them from yourself. So this means viewing your recovery as a journey not a destination. If we think of it as a mountain, with the summit being the ‘recovery’ outpost, we have to think of it as a series of small steps. Each step is a small achievable goals. For example, you start with going one day without self-harm, then a week, and so on. It can help to reward yourself for milestones as this will build motivation and help keep you on track so you can reach the summit in due course. Even this part can be fun because you can ‘grade’ your rewards. Let’s say you go one day without it, for this you can treat yourself to a nice bath, a drink of choice, or a favourite meal. For one week, you can treat yourself to an activity you enjoy, like video games (guilty!), karaoke (ditto!), or something else. And each milestone, or ‘outpost’ that leads you further up the mountain, increases in bounty. This is a tried and proven way that humans and other animals respond to incentives. Your wish to keep achieving the next reward for its sake, and because of what it actually is, are great ways to help you learn how to stop self harming. If you ‘slip down the mountain,’ you can revert back to the first reward and start over. This makes it less likely that you will let yourself do it, and more likely that you will use other ways to help you reduce or stop self harming.

Create a Safe Environment

Another crucial aspect of learning how to stop self harm is one that is possibly overlooked. It’s about going back to basics. Self-harm relies to some extent on the ‘means’ we possess to commit the act. This applies to other things too, like committing a crime. Law enforcement will always look at whether a suspect has the means and motivation – if they do, they’re going to be a person of keen interest. So we already know that motivation for harm behaviours is there, and this is much harder to change directly. But what can you control? The answer is: whether you possess the tools you need to act on your motivations. This means removing whatever you might cut with, if this is your way of self-harming. You can also enhance your environment by creating a distraction box, this will contain alternative coping tools, this might be something like fidget toys, positive notes, your journal, a list of coping strategies, or photos of loves ones who are concerned for you. Then there is the importance of developing a safety plan for high-risk moments. This may contain contact information for people you can talk to when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your urge to self-harm. So these may be your friends, family, or support groups and helplines. There are also emergency contact numbers that may be helpful to have. But, going back to the first point; if you can remove the means to self-harm, you’re off to a great start. After this, distraction can help, or better yet, talking to someone about how you’re feeling so that you can work through what it is, rather than react to it as a way of coping.

Strategies for Long-Term Management

Develop Emotional Coping Skills

So as we’ve discussed, self-harm can be a response to intense and overwhelming feelings. So how to stop thoughts of self harm spilling into action, or reaction rather? We must find ways to cope with our feelings. This means building emotional tolerance and resilience. This will help on the road to recovery and it helps prevent relapse. As a therapist who has worked with the issue of self-harm, I have found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques very helpful as a way to provide individuals with a way of reshaping their negative thinking patterns. This entails getting them to recognising their automatic negative thoughts, understanding them, and replacing them with rational responses by way of reframing. For example, a NAT might be something along the lines of: “I’m worthless, and I’ll never be able to stop self-harming. There’s no point in trying.” A way to reframe this would be challenging the idea of worthlessness, and the conclusion that has been made. Through this interrogation of one’s beliefs and initial automatic thoughts, we can come to reframe the thought, thus: “I am struggling right now, but that does not mean I am worthless. Recovery is a process, and setbacks do not define my worth. I have overcome difficulties before, and I have the ability to learn healthier coping strategies. Every small step I take toward healing is a victory.” By replacing the NAT with a more rational and fair frame, we challenge cognitive distortions and shifts from all-or-nothing thinking (“I’ll never stop“) to acknowledging progress. We also encourage self-compassion by moving from self-criticism to self-support, and we promotes resilience by reframing the struggle as part of growth, rather than failure. This kind of cognitive restructuring in CBT helps individuals recognise and change harmful thought patterns, leading to healthier ways of coping.

Build Resilience Through Healthy Habits

Another imperative aspect for the goal of learning how to stop cutting or enacting some other harm behaviour is to prioritise mental and physical health because these reduce emotional distress and will be one way to help you build resilience. Before we talk about other healthy habits that can boost resilience, let’s discuss resilience itself so we know why it matters so much. Resilience is the ability to adapt and recover to challenges, setbacks, or emotional distress. It’s not about avoiding pain or struggle, but rather, developing the mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility that can help us navigate adversity while maintaining our wellbeing. We can think of it in practical terms: Imagine resilience was a muscle, muscles become stronger when we consistently use them. So just as physical exercise builds strength over time, facing difficulties and learning healthy coping mechanisms will train the mind to manage stress and adversity more effectively. We build resilience in a variety of ways. Self-awareness helps us recognise thoughts and emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Healthy coping strategies like mindfulness, support systems, and problem-solving instead of destructive habits also aid resilience. Cognitive reframing allows us to see setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than signs of failure, and support networks mean we can rely on positive relationships to maintain emotional strength. All of these help build our resilience. In essence, resilience is not about avoiding struggles but about developing the capacity to withstand them, learn from them, and come out stronger. So what other good habits might help do this? A consistent sleep schedule, healthy eating and hydration habits, regular physical activity for mood regulation, and a good amount of social contact and connection. All of these will help you to make the resilience muscle stronger so you can carry the load that life will bring.

Create a Crisis Plan

We touched on this briefly, but let’s go into more detail now so you can learn how to stop from self harming if things get too much. Earlier, it was referred to as a ‘safety plan.’ It might also be called a crisis plan by some healthcare professionals. A crisis plan includes helpful information that’s all in one place. The kind of information it may include are things like the early warning signs you experience that can quickly alert you to the fact that you may require support. The plan will also have a list of emergency contacts, which may be friends, helplines, or professionals. It may also have information about calming techniques that you find helpful so that you can self-sooth when urges arise. A crisis plan is like your toolkit when times are hard, it provides a way to try and pull yourself out of the depths of despair by reminding yourself of things you should be aware of. I remember a client with whom I created a crisis plan (so you don’t have to do it by yourself, you can get someone to help you). This client included photos of his loved ones – essentially people he knew would be concerned and worried about him, because they loved him very much. He also wanted them to be proud of him and told me about a time when he sat in a pile of despair and sorrow, with tears streaming down his face. Suddenly, he told me, how in that moment of hopelessness, he remembered the safety box (in his case) that we’d created together. He went to it and looked at the photos. This made him cry some more, but also reminded him of how loved he is and how much he had to live for. On that day, this reminder was like the much needed light house on a stormy voyage, and he knew he was not alone.

Monitor Your Mental Health Regularly

If you want to know how to stop a self harmer, and whether that be yourself, or someone you know, it’s crucial to understand the importance of keeping a finger on the pulse, that is your mental health. How does one monitor their mental health, I predict you ask? And I predict this because, I agree that monitoring one’s physical health seems more straightforward. We can do this by considering our weight, fitness, heart rate, or unusual symptoms that can alert us to something. Mental health can be a bit more insidious than this. Sometimes people will only realise they’re depressed because others might ask them, or by a point that it’s quite hard to ignore. So, what are some ways we can take a more proactive approach to monitoring our mental wellbeing? One helpful way is to track your emotions and triggers by noting down moments in which you’ve been triggered, and exploring what feelings it evoked and perhaps thinking about why. This kind of excavation can help you to identify your patterns and then you can take it further by finding ways to break your unhelpful cycles so you are not so easily triggered, and at the mercy of your emotions in those moments. Using mood tracking apps or journals can help you to do this more easily. Another good way of staying on top of things is by establishing a trusted support system that you check in with regularly. This may be a friend you meet on a regular basis, someone who is okay being this for you, it may be a chat with a family member, or it could be your weekly therapy hour with your trusty therapist. As a therapist, I aim to be a companion to my clients, someone who truly cares, does not judge, and is honest but mindful in my approach. Could you do with someone like that in your life?

Seeking Professional Support

Therapy and Counselling

When you’re trying to understand how to stop a self harmer or are, yourself, self-harming, then one helpful way is professional therapy. This is one of the most effective ways to stop self-harming because therapists who work with self-harm are often trained in useful approaches that can help individuals manage their emotional responses to their feelings, and situations. One such approach that we use is CBT. Another is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). DBT was designed specifically to help people who experience borderline personality disorder (BPD), now also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD). This makes it a great way for individuals to learn how to manage their intense emotions. Although DBT is often offered in a group setting, some practitioners offer it one to one, as we do at Phinity Therapy. These approaches are great options that can help people learn to regulate their emotions and develop ways of coping. The great thing is, if they do not seem to work for you, there are other ways we can try. So if you’re serious about learning how to stop yourself from self harming, remember, there are professionals out there who are trained to help you with your exact problems.

Medication and Other Treatments

If your self-harm is linked to anxiety or depression, or if you know someone who you believe is self-harming due to one or both of these reasons, then medication may be able to help. Antidepressants (SSRIs) can reduce emotional distress and compulsive behaviours by helping reduce the intensity of difficult and overwhelming feelings. If this is something that you think can help you or if you’re trying to understand how to stop a self harmer from acting on their compulsion to harm themselves, then it’s always important to seek medical guidance before considering medication. So, make sure you do your own research about the medical option, or other options you may be considering. If you have any questions about medication, then have them ready and book a consultation with your GP. Remember, your consultation is your time to ask questions. If there’s anything you’re unsure about, don’t be afraid to ask. For instance, if you’re concerned about any of the side effects of the medication, ask about it. If you start to take medication and then notice a particular side effect, then you can book a ‘medication review’ and discuss your dose or alternative medications that might better suit you.

Helplines and Crisis Support

There are also organisations, some of whom have helplines about how to stop self harm. This means that you may be able to access immediate emotional support. These organisations can be a national suicide prevention helpline, like the Samaritans, which is also there to offer ‘listening support’. There may also be other local mental health services that can support you, either by offering a support service, or information to help you minimise self-harm behaviours. In the UK, we also have the National Health Service’s Crisis Support Helpline which can support and help those experiencing mental health problems. Those service can also offer information and advice about local mental health services if you’re unsure about what might be available in your area. They can also help by liaising with other services or teams on your behalf. So if you’re feeling stuck and don’t know how to stop self harming, then this may be a useful place to start. For instance, you may want to know how to stop cutting or how to stop someone from self harming. The important take-away here is, you don’t have to feel alone, there are a number of resources out there to help support you.

Long-Term Management and Prevention

Cultivating a Strong Support System

You may feel like you’ve tried a number of things, but you just can’t seem to stop yourself from acting on your impulses to self-harm. It’s a difficult thing to do, since once you start, you experience some kind of relief from the action, and this reinforces the behaviour. Your mind will register it as an option and a very strong one. So how to stop thinking about self harm when the thoughts are very much intrusive. A very important and sometimes overlooked aspect of the recovery journey are strong relationships. These can provide emotional resilience in the long term because you have a safety net, people, or a person that you can go to. Someone you trust and are able to discuss things with in an open way. This creates a sense of safety which is very important for healing. When you have someone like this by your side, you know you can go to them when you’re struggling. If you do not have anyone like this in your life, then therapy might be a good option. As a therapist, I aim to build a strong therapeutic alliance with my clients and when they are able to trust in it, I notice the difference it makes.

Setting Long-Term Goals for Emotional Health

When it comes to something as complex as how to stop self harming, goal-setting cannot be overstated. When we set goals, we have something concrete to strive towards. This can help us to feel motivated and encourages a forward momentum. It allows us to shift our focus from past behaviours, to future aspirations. So a long-term goal for you may be to do with how to stop cutting for two weeks because right now you’re cutting a few times a week. This will include a number of other things to help you, for example, attending therapy, or talking to trusted people about your feelings, rather than allowing them to build in you while you’re feeling isolated and overwhelmed. You may also add things like exercise into your routine, or other ways you can relieve stress. All of these can be small goals toward the bigger goal of how to stop from self harming. This is why it is important to set clear goals, so that it is not a vague idea that becomes waylaid. The SMART method is great for this. This requires that goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. If you need help with this, we have a video about this, or you may be able to ask your therapist to help you use this method effectively.

Conclusion

So how to stop someone from self harming? Fortunately, as this question implies, recovery from self-harm is possible, but it requires time and effort. This article has discussed the importance of identifying triggers because these are a critical aspect when it comes to self-harm. Understanding what makes you vulnerable to self-harm will allow you build coping mechanisms – ways that you can minimise the strength of your triggers. And, as discussed, seeking the right kind of support is also key. Self-harm is often a lonely experience, but this feeds the problem. It’s key to seek help. So whether you’re trying to understand how to stop cutting or how to stop a self harmer, there is help available – whether that’s a friend, family, forums, a helpline, or a therapist, there are lots of resources. If you feel overwhelmed by the information out there, ask someone to help you figure it out. Self-harm is the overt expression of some form of distress and should not be ignored or used as a way to cope. But it’s about understanding what feeds the behaviour, and working with those feelings. It’s a lonely place, but you don’t have to suffer it alone.