Book Your Free Consultation

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.

Have a cookie

Hello and a warm welcome from Phinity’s Founder, Rehanna Kauser.
&nbsp;
Phinity is a private therapy clinic which was conceived with you, our client in mind.  We honour the human connection that is so intrinsic to psychological care and wellbeing.  We are incredibly passionate about mental health, counselling, and psychotherapy which is why you will experience Hands With Heart, a compass in the storm of life, guiding you from where you are now to where you want, and deserve to be.
&nbsp;
Your care is why we do what we do, and seeing you thrive is what inspires us.

About Us

BOOK NOW

For people seeking inner peace and mental freedom, Phinity Therapy opens a new window to positive growth and transformation.
&nbsp;
Phinity sets itself apart from other mental healthcare options with its client obsession, holistic and personalised care, and continuous investment for innovation.
&nbsp;
Bit by bit, we are leading a movement to a future where mental healthcare provision is challenged and people are at the heart of the care they receive.
&nbsp;
Whether you’re seeking life coaching, or to make sense of current life difficulties, to overcome and heal from trauma, or understand yourself better for change, we will use our humanity and psychological expertise to get to know you, and work with you, toward the tomorrow you want.
&nbsp;
Transform Your Life, Your Relationships, Your Career &amp; Business, Your Wealth and Your Future by claiming your Free Consultation Today!
&nbsp;
*Due to high demand, we now offer only one Free Initial Consultation for prospective clients, further conversations are charged at our normal rate.

Phinity Movement

At Phinity, our practitioners enter a rigorous recruitment and vetting process to ensure they possess the best training available in the fields of psychology and counselling. They also have years&#8217; of experience in diverse settings, like the NHS, private and charitable sectors, with a range of difficulties and presentations. In short, we seek the best people for you.
&nbsp;
As a team we are accredited and regulated by a variety of governing bodies and have a keen commitment to the professional and ethical principles that guide our work. And aside from the excellent qualifications, accreditation, and varied experiences, our therapists must be the kind of people that can facilitate a healthy and helpful therapeutic relationship, one that will serve the work you do together.

Accreditation And Quality Assurance

SEE ALL

Latest Blogs

Feel free to give us a call on <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="tel:+441212957373">+44121 295 7373</a> (or conveniently <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://booking.setmore.com/scheduleappointment/a8f107ea-a719-4c6f-a9e5-6b196682c27d/services/s93a224fc7559d85c748ebac20ae8f5fe8657dbbe?source=settings" target="_blank" rel="noopener">book online</a>) and let us know the challenges you&#8217;re facing. Our team is here to lend a listening ear and provide guidance, tailored to your specific needs.

After exploring your concerns and goals, we&#8217;ll carefully select a therapist who is a good fit for you. We want to ensure that you feel comfortable and empowered in your therapeutic journey.

At your first session, also known as the Initial Assessment, you can delve deeper into your current challenges and goals for therapy. Your therapist will use this to create a personalised treatment plan, with you.

How It Works

Psychotherapeutic Solutions

Phinity is located in Birmingham’s renowned medical and healthcare district, serving clients across the UK, and worldwide.
&nbsp;

Designed To Nurture Your Mental, Emotional, And Psychological Health

See All

Anxiety is a normal <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/how-understanding-your-anxiety-response-can-empower-you/">reaction to stress</a> which is experienced by everyone at some time or another.  However when anxiety becomes frequent and intense, this might be indicative of generalised anxiety disorder (GAD).  If this sounds like you, read on to learn more.
&nbsp;

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Life is challenging, so it&#8217;s normal to feel low at times.  If however, you&#8217;re feeling sad, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/apathy-anhedonia/">apathetic</a>, and hopeless for a prolonged period, you may be depressed, and this impacts functioning.  And although depression is a natural response to difficulties, it can be treated.

Depression

<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/issues/relationships-issues/">Relationships</a> can be tricky at the best of times, and it’s normal to go through difficulties.  But <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship counselling</a> is available to help you navigate the challenges and enjoy a more meaningful connection with your significant other.

Relationship Issues

<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/what-is-addiction/">Addiction</a> is very common and there are various reasons that people become addicted to things.  Addiction can be chemical, for instance <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/alcoholism/">alcohol addiction</a>.  Or it can be psychological and behavioural, for example shopping-addiction, internet-addiction, or porn-addiction.  In fact, people can become addicted to almost anything.  But help is available.

Addictions

The family unit is like a society, with its own ecosystem and culture.  If we&#8217;re fortunate, we may experience a family life that is secure and sustaining, but there are <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">still times of difficulty</a>, because this is normal.  There are ways, however, to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">work through problems together</a>, and come out stronger.

Family Issues

Some might say that at the heart of most <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/issues/identity-issues/">therapeutic issues</a> is low self-esteem (LSE).  LSE seems to impact most people, even those who might appear confident.  But what is it exactly, and why does it affect so many people?

Low Self-Esteem

We are honoured to connect you with practitioners who have worked successfully with individuals experiencing a wide range of mental health issues.

Mental Health Issues

Are highly trained, and accredited, keeping abreast of the latest ideas and research

Therapists Who

Including free optional tailored nutrition and supplement plans to optimise your brain and overall health

Holistic Care

Which was envisioned with you and your comfort at the forefront of our minds, just like everything we do

A Relaxed Space

We centre our care around you, not the opposite, so can offer a wide range of psychological approaches

Integrative & Human 

What You Get

Read about other clients experience and journey about their care at Phinity Therapy

Clients That Have Turned Their Lives Around!

Insurance providers recognise Phinity as a professional mental health care service

We Accept Various Insurance Providers

Book now 

Take the next step and Book Your Free Consultation Today!
&nbsp;
Speak to our lead therapist who will carefully listen to your concerns, to understand what you want from therapy. If you decide to opt into therapy, we will match you to the most suitable practitioner so you can effectively achieve your goals.

Connect Today

How Can Therapy Help Me?

How Often Should I Have Therapy?

Is Therapy Worth The Price?

Clients' Common Questions

Latest Videos

Birmingham

Birmingham Therapy Services

Blog

Contact Us

Cookie (POP UP)

Cookie page

Fees

Founders

Issues

Join Us

Load

Main

Nofound

Online

Online Therapy Services

Our Therapists

Privacy Policy

React

Terms

Thanks

Therapy Locations

Videos

The shadow self or shadow therapy are things you might not have heard about but knowing about your shadow is crucial. Why is this? Because you have one and by not understanding it, you&#8217;re at a great disadvantage in many ways and many areas of your life. So first let&#8217;s think about how the Oxford University Press defines the word &#8216;shadow&#8217;:
A dark shape cast on a surface by an object blocking rays of light; more generally, an area of relative darkness.
This definition hints at why Swiss Psychoanalyst and Psychologist Carl Jung termed the hidden parts of ourselves &#8216;The Shadow&#8217;.
So what is your shadow self? According to Jung, who was one of Freud&#8217;s most promising mentees, the shadow in Jungian psychology refers to the parts of you that are out of your conscious awareness. These are your base, primal, chaotic, impulsive parts, the things your ego represses from you, the things that are ugly, terrifying, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/narcissistic-personality-disorder/">narcissistic</a>, painful, aggressive, greedy, embarrassing, or shameful. These are the very things you would never want to see in yourself because they conflict with your values, or those of society. Because of this, these instincts, qualities, desires, urges, impulses, or feelings are buried into a part of you that is hidden and will remain hidden to you unless you look at the shadow self and learn about, and from it.

What Is The “Shadow Self”?

In short &#8211; yes. Jung said:
“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” 
Indeed, if you consider what the shadow in psychology means, you will notice that no one can be without it. The shadow self is where our egos can push all the stuff that we think is too threatening, uncomfortable, or harmful to us. It&#8217;s the unconscious part of ourselves. Imagine you received a horrible letter from someone you feel treated you badly, and they&#8217;re saying lots of awful things about you, how you&#8217;re a disappointment and should be ashamed of yourself. You screw up the letter and chuck it in the drawer and forget about it. Now you don&#8217;t have to be reminded of it &#8211; out of sight, out of mind. In this example, the letter contains &#8216;shadow traits&#8217; and you are playing the role of your ego, which does a good job of filing it away, into your unconscious mind, specifically the shadow &#8211; you guessed it &#8211; the drawer. We all have this function and ability, it&#8217;s fantastic at what it does, and it protects us from that which will make us feel bad but there&#8217;s a downside &#8211; we&#8217;re unable to learn about our pain points, the parts of us that might benefit from some mining&#8230;

Do We All Have A Shadow?

Now that you understand the shadow in psychology, I will explain further why it&#8217;s so important for you to consider the shadow self and more specifically question what is your shadow self because by identifying your shadow you can bring to your conscious mind the parts of you that are stunting you, and whether alone, or starting shadow therapy, you can achieve personal growth by accepting and integrating your shadow.
Let&#8217;s take a relatively contemporary way of looking at it. In The Lord of the Rings, we can think of the Mines of Moria as the unconscious. The Fellowship (our conscious self) must enter the Mines and face the Balrog. This is our shadow. It&#8217;s repressed and supressed because it&#8217;s terrible and could do a lot of harm. It&#8217;s angry, tyrannical, dangerous, impulsive, violent, destructive, and terrifying! But according to Jung, to know oneself is to know one&#8217;s shadow. Sometimes, we must travel a deep, dark, winding, and challenging path to get out the other side. Just as the Fellowship did and so the journey continued toward their greater goal.
Furthermore, the shadow doesn&#8217;t just contain the parts about you that you would deem &#8216;bad&#8217;, it also houses the good of you that you have been unable to perceive in this way because you&#8217;ve been criticised or shamed about these aspects. For example, imagine a child talking to their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a>, and suddenly their mother blurts out: &#8220;Wow I didn&#8217;t realise how crooked your teeth are!&#8221;. Since then this child has found it hard to smile fully because they&#8217;ve become self-conscious. So in their shadow lies their smile. They cannot smile with abandon, cannot be present in moments that would evoke a true and genuine smile because they&#8217;re very conscious about lifting their hand to their mouth or staying quiet. This takes away from the ability to experience true joy, how sad, right? So imagine if this is just one way someone can improve their existence. What else might there be to learn, and what might come of this learning for you and your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>, opportunities, and overall <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/wellbeing-assessment/">well-being</a> and life? More on the risks of an unknown shadow below&#8230;

Why Do I Need To Know My Shadow Self?

The shadow self is affected by &#8220;negative emotions&#8221; in a few ways. Firstly because your shadow is made up of the parts of you that you disapprove of or find reprehensible in some way, you will notice the same traits in others. So just think about some of the qualities or attributes you see in others that you feel strongly averse to. Jung tells us that the reason you may have a strong reaction to these traits is because they&#8217;re the parts of you that you&#8217;ve pushed into your shadow. An example of this might be someone who is actively homophobic, they denigrate <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/lgbtq-support/">gay</a> people, and may even go as far as committing hate crimes against them. This person may be hiding their homosexuality from themselves because whenever the subject of being gay has been discussed within their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a> or peer groups, they&#8217;ve heard derogatory and upsetting things. So the shame they internalise, and the disappointment they believe others will feel cause them to hide a part of themselves, from themselves. So, the way we&#8217;ve appraised something affects what goes into our shadow. If we deem it to be bad or threatening to our psyche in some way, it&#8217;s going in the drawer.

How Negative Emotions Affect My Shadow Self

<h3>Use Shadow Work Prompts</h3>
Shadow work prompts are questions we can ask ourselves to bring forth awareness of our shadow. They aim to access our emotions, perceptions, beliefs, and darker thoughts that have been repressed. For example, let&#8217;s say you&#8217;ve noticed that some friends tend to avoid you and you wonder what this is about. During shadow therapy, I might ask you if there&#8217;s anyone who you&#8217;re close to that you dislike being around. You may answer: &#8220;Well, actually, my mum, she was quite a depressed person and she always made me feel down and bad&#8220;. You may realise then, that actually, you often feel down and maybe this is why your friends avoid you at times. So, because of this exploration of the shadow self, you decide to ask one of your friends (or maybe all of them) if they think that you&#8217;re a bit of a &#8216;downer&#8217; at times, as casually as you can of course. One of your friends who is usually quite straightforward says: &#8220;Well, you know, I do find that sometimes you can be quite pessimistic and negative&#8220;. Now of course this won&#8217;t feel good, but it does give you some things to consider. Indeed, any questions about people around you that provoke a strong reaction in you, may teach you about yourself and offer opportunities for growth. Other examples of prompts involve thinking about emotions you regularly feel and attempting to understand these via description. A skilled <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapist</a> can help you to dig into them if this is difficult for you to do by yourself. Other ways to consult your shadow may involve times in which you&#8217;ve felt criticised, shamed, or shut down in some way.
<h3>Talk To A Therapist</h3>
So as you can probably imagine the shadow self is much more likely to emerge via shadow <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/a-warm-welcome-from-phinity-therapy/">therapy</a>, this does not mean that you have to find someone who does &#8220;shadow therapy&#8221;, it means you have to find a therapist who&#8217;s familiar with Carl Jung&#8217;s shadow self, or at least the idea of the shadow. Most decent therapists will be able to help you access your shadow traits via explorative questioning. It&#8217;s what most good therapists do; help you to bring forth to consciousness, that which may be hidden. Now although it was hidden for  good reason, it may no longer be serving you. It&#8217;s likely hindering you so working with your shadow in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">therapy</a>, whether it&#8217;s named in such terms, or not, is important for learning about yourself, and how you&#8217;re impacted by what you don&#8217;t know. So by talking to a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapist</a>, you can go from being in the shadow about the darkest parts of yourself to knowing what it is that you&#8217;ve put into that drawer and forgotten about. By knowing this, you can make informed and better choices . Furthermore, you can accept the parts of yourself that are good but have been subdued, and integrate them.
<h3>Try Shadow Journaling</h3>
Now whether you&#8217;re partaking in shadow therapy or not, you can still start shadow journalling. This is something your therapist may recommend if they think you&#8217;ll benefit from it. Clients often report the benefits of journalling; it offers them a different mode of expression which can allow them to reflect and express a stream of consciousness that may involve shifts, such that things come into awareness that would not have so easily, without this mode of expression. And it may be helpful to focus on shadow prompts when journalling to access the shadow self  or ask your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/whats-the-difference-between-a-counsellor-psychiatrist-psychotherapist-psychologist/">therapist</a> what questions they would recommend as useful for you specifically.
<h3>Pay Attention to Your Dreams</h3>
Freud called our dreams the royal road to the unconscious. This is because dreams are thought to reveal unknown parts of ourselves, that&#8217;s right, your shadow. Indeed, when we dream our ego is less able to keep a tight lid on that jar, so unconscious smatterings of truth seep and filter out of that tightly guarded inner sanctum. But the ego is very clever, cunning, and robust. It still uses some ingenious ways to disguise the dream content. According to Freud, there are two types of content in our dreams: latent and manifest. The latter is what we perceive and describe when we recount the dream, the latent content is the underneath of this, the real meaning of the dream that the ego is still hiding.
<h3>Meditate</h3>
You might wonder how meditating can help someone embrace their shadow. First, it&#8217;s important to understand what meditating means, and not in the loose way that some words take hold when they enter the daily lexicon. The term &#8216;meditate&#8217; comes from Latin and means to measure or contemplate. So when meditating on the shadow in psychology, this means that instead of attempting to enter a passive or inactive state in which you quieten your mind, you  reflect on the conflicts, triggers, or emotional difficulties you&#8217;ve experienced in your day and think about the qualities that really bother you in other people. Then going further by exploring what this might teach you about your shadow self, that is, your deeper self.
<h3>Identify Your Fears and Insecurities</h3>
Another thing you could meditate on then are your fears and insecurities. Of course, these could be further explored in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/act-therapy-demystified-enhancing-well-being/">therapy</a> as well, because having that mirror (the therapist) might allow you to go deeper and see parts of you that have been placed in your shadow precisely because you feel insecure or fearful about them. For example, you may have a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/fear-of-public-speaking/">fear of public speaking</a>, this usually links to some deeper insecurity that developed in you and because you haven&#8217;t confronted this, you&#8217;re stuck with the way it impacts you &#8211; the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a> you feel any time you have to speak publicly. Or you may simply avoid speaking in front of other altogether, and this limits your opportunities and keeps you feeling afraid and insecure. Knowledge of why, will give you something to build on.
<h3>Practice Nonjudgment toward Yourself</h3>
This is very important in general but especially when attempting to work with your shadow self. Remember, much of what you&#8217;ve pushed down into that drawer is because it disagrees with the morals or values that were instilled in you by others and wider society. This means that even things like the previous example of a fear of public speaking are not your fault. So rather than blaming or comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as incapable, which impacts your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>, you can instead accept this part of your shadow and show compassion and kindness. This will help you integrate and progress rather than add to your burden,

How To Embrace Your Shadow Self

Although there are &#8216;shadow types&#8217;  and systems of shadow types mentioned on some websites, it is important to know that Jung himself did not create a formal system of shadow types. There are however things in the shadow that we might call qualities, traits, or feelings that are deemed undesirable or unacceptable based on one&#8217;s own beliefs or values, or those of society. These are what are termed &#8216;types of shadow selves&#8217; by some. These &#8216;shadow selves&#8217; are personality traits in effect and may include things like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/jealousy-envy/">envy</a>, ego, greed, neurosis, prejudice, hate, or aggression. Some &#8216;shadow systems&#8217; may give these &#8216;personality types&#8217; names like Magician, Maiden, and so on, each with their own attributes.

Types Of Shadow Selves

Jung wrote:
<blockquote>
&#8220;A man who is possessed by his shadow is always standing in his own light and falling into his own traps&#8230;living below his own level.&#8221;
</blockquote>
When you suppress your shadow self, you perpetuate friction and conflict within yourself and it continues to impact your life in very real and limiting ways. For example, you will remain unaware of the undesirable and unacceptable parts of you that you will keep unconsciously projecting into other people around you and this creates problems in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">relationships</a>. Indeed, who hasn&#8217;t heard of the person who is prone to jealousy and cheating and projects their own untrustworthiness into others in a general sense, but especially in romantic <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationships</a>? This person is likely unaware that they do this because they themselves are untrustworthy, they will place that part of themselves in their shadow, and will truly believe others cannot be trusted. So the risk of a suppressed shadow means we feel and behave unconsciously and this could manifest as defensiveness, possessiveness, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/ask-yourself-this-question-to-change-your-life/">anger</a>, and aggression. Our ego will compensate by creating false narratives that make us feel validated, effectively enabling our shadow and keeping us in the dark, and perpetuating destructive behaviours that mean we struggle in life.

What Happens When You Suppress Your Shadow Self?

Confronting the shadow self, whether that&#8217;s via formal or informal shadow <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapy</a>, or by doing your own work, offers your shadow self meaning. It means you are no longer ignoring a big part of you, and you are able to do some digging into your psyche and mine gold! When I say gold, I say this not simply because you will find some wonderful parts of you that were unfairly relegated to your shadow self due to the erroneous messages you internalised. No, also because by confronting the aspects about you that you or others deem undesirable or unacceptable, you can accept and integrate them. You will experience difficulty along the way because these are parts of you that you&#8217;ve pushed down for good reason. But, by facing pain and delaying pleasure, you will experience true pleasure. Because when you know yourself, you can choose who you truly wish to be and live your truth.

What Happens When You Accept Your Shadow Self?

So let&#8217;s summarise: as children we are more free and we seek pleasure and want to avoid pain. This is the part of us that Freud termed the &#8216;id&#8217;. So we do what we instinctively feel like doing to attain pleasure and avoid pain. It&#8217;s also easier because we have fewer conditions placed on us.
As we get older, we become more restricted, by parents, siblings, friends, school teachers, partners, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">employers</a>, and society at large. We must assimilate all these rules, therefore the ego emerges. This part attempts to balance the desires of the id with the superego, which houses all those mentioned who want us to conform. But this conformity is not without a cost. Indeed there&#8217;s always a battle between the id (pleasure seeker) and superego (society) and therefore the ego has to suppress the parts of us that come from our deeper self, this is the shadow. But knowing your shadow might bring you closer to your true values and self, and make you happier. Indeed, we cannot simply act on every desire or impulse but knowing what these are, and accepting that we cannot act on them is healthier than locking them deep down where they remain in stasis.
So instead of remaining in perpetual conflict with our shadow parts by resisting and rejecting them and unknowingly projecting them onto other people (which creates problems of its own), we can own our &#8216;stuff&#8217; and accept the good and the bad. But also, work with and through it toward what Jung called the ego ideal &#8211; a more integrated self.

Conclusion

Freud., S. (1995). The interpretation of dreams ; and On dreams : (1900-1901). Hogarth Press.  ‌

Jung, C. G. (1991). The archetypes and the collective unconscious. Routledge.  ‌

Oxford Reference. (2019). Oxford Reference - Answers with Authority. Oxfordreference.com. 

Weaver, T. (2022, November 29). Embracing The Shadow - Carl Jung. Orion Philosophy. 

Shadow Self: What Is It And How To Find It

Are you someone who has never fallen in love and wondered why can&#8217;t I love? If so, read on. It&#8217;s crucial to know why an inability to love is important to figure out. This understanding might come from the answer to another question: Why don&#8217;t I feel love? The answer to this question connects with the first one. We need to be open to love so that we, too, can receive and feel love. In this article, we&#8217;re going to look at 11 psychological reasons that could help you understand why you&#8217;re unable to love and in turn, experience love. But it&#8217;s also key to understand if the reason you can&#8217;t experience love is normal and then learn how you can overcome your fear around it. Yes &#8211; we need to know what the options are so that we can not only experience love but also fulfilment because as cliché as it sounds, we are social beings, and not only do we learn about ourselves through our <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a> with <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a> members, and friends, but we also develop and grow through them &#8211; if we&#8217;re lucky.

Introduction

<h3>Fear of Commitment</h3>
This is a commonly known reason for why some <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationships</a> break down &#8211; &#8220;he had a fear of commitment&#8221; but do we ever ask what this is about? Well, there are various reasons why someone might fear committing to someone but one of the deeper reasons for this is a fear of vulnerability. Some people may have never experienced loving relationships or healthy love and when they meet someone who seems to be offering these, they get scared, they simply do not know what to do with this kind of romantic love. They cannot give it what it demands of them; a deeper level of authenticity and connection. So these people do not experience long-term love, and when the <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-i/">relationship</a> ends (because of relationship-destructive behaviours and mixed signals), they wonder &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; and end up reinforcing their belief that they were right not to trust the relationship &#8211; creating an unhelpful relational pattern that keeps them stuck and unhappy.
<h3>Past Relationship Trauma</h3>
Another reason that you might wonder: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; is because you&#8217;re simply not ready for a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/couples-counselling-birmingham/">relationship</a>. You&#8217;ve been in love or have experienced many failed <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">romantic</a><a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/"> relationships</a> that have made you set up a fortress around your heart. Your heart is not trusting and open to potential partners because you&#8217;ve had it broken one too many times. This guardedness serves a very valid function for you, it keeps you safe, but it also means like Rapunzel in her tower, you remain alone and isolated. Even when you do venture out and allow yourself to meet new people you might see red flags where there are pink ones, or none at all. This makes you retreat into your safe world, your tower and remain isolated and alone. So if you&#8217;re wondering why don&#8217;t I feel love, think instead about whether you&#8217;re allowing love in, rather than assuming it&#8217;s because there&#8217;s something wrong with you.
<h3>Childhood Trauma</h3>
Many people have experienced problems in their childhood, and for some children, this can be traumatic. It can help explain why they find it hard to experience healthy relationships because they never really had any or something happened that affected their ability to trust. As children, we need to feel safe to experience healthy connections with our caregivers. As adults this need for safety and sanctuary does not disappear. We might experience some of this with our friends and <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a>, but we try to create it with our significant other because usually, this is the person we want to be closest to. But, if you experienced <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">childhood trauma</a> or (subconsciously) thought: &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; you might also find that as an adult you are unable to find trusting relationships. This may be because you seek the wrong partners and recreate unhelpful dynamics, or it might be because you do not even allow yourself to enter into meaningful relationships. Your childhood trauma has a far-reaching impact for your life.
<h3>Low Self-Worth</h3>
If you&#8217;ve ever had the thought: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; you are also revealing something about how you view yourself. This statement assumes that there is a fault in you that makes you unlovable &#8211; it is a blaming question and needs to be questioned. When we believe we&#8217;re unlovable it&#8217;s because we&#8217;ve internalised messages from those around us, whether those were explicit or implicit. For example, if you were often criticised or shamed, your <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a> would be diminished. Or maybe you weren&#8217;t criticised but you felt ignored and invisible, or unimportant. This is what I meant when I said earlier that we develop through our relationships with others. If those around you, whether they were family, friends, colleagues, or partners, said or did things that made you feel bad about yourself in some way, they may have contributed to this core (subconscious) belief of &#8220;I am unlovable because I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221;. This lack of self-worth will affect you not only in love, but in all interpersonal relationships.
<h3>You Identify as Aromantic</h3>
Now if you have never fallen in love, it could be something else entirely. You may be what is known as aromantic, or &#8220;aro&#8221; as it&#8217;s also known. This describes a person who has little to no romantic attraction to others. This should not be confused with asexual, as some aromantic people can still experience sexual attraction, whereas some do not. Some people feel okay about identifying as and being aromantic as they are not bothered by a lack of romantic relationships because they do not experience a desire for them. However, for some, it can be a cause for concern, but one that they ultimately accept about themselves. But this does not mean that aromantic people do not get married or experience relationships &#8211; they do because companionship may still be important to them. But, if you have wondered: &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I love&#8221; then maybe consider that you may have a different <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/lgbtq-support/">relationship orientation</a>, especially if you notice something about yourself that seems to be atypical when it comes to traditional relationship norms.
<h3>Mental or Physical Illness Interfering</h3>
Sometimes not being able to fall in love might have to do with opportunity. If you&#8217;re experiencing enduring difficulties with health, whether that&#8217;s <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/chronic-physical-health-problems/">physical</a> or mental health problems, you may not be in the best position to find love. This does not mean that you need it any less you may feel the desire for a special someone even more keenly than you did when you were well. But when we are physically unwell, this also impacts our mental wellbeing. We might experience <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">low mood</a>, <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/stress-worry/">stress</a>, or all of these, and these can compound <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/isolation-loneliness/">loneliness</a>. Of course, if you&#8217;re feeling sad and lonely, or <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxious</a>, rather than experiencing a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/chronic-fatigue-syndrome/">physical health problem</a>, you&#8217;re likely going to experience these more strongly by the lack of love in your life. This further highlights the importance of social contact and connection and the need for safety in our relationships.
<h3>Fear of Losing Yourself</h3>
You may have made a decision and told yourself: &#8220;I can&#8217;t love&#8221; and you may or may not be okay with this deep down. But, let&#8217;s look at why this might be the case in the first place. Some people have had relationships, or come out of a long-term one that has made them learn about not only what they might want in a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">relationship</a> if they decide to enter into one again, but also realise what they don&#8217;t want. Indeed, when we&#8217;re with a partner, we can become enmeshed with one another; forming similar routines, eating together, sharing friends and interests, and sometimes feeling restricted in ways, but compromising anyway. Then we sample life without the person, this may bring some very real difficulties but another thing it brings is more freedom and choice. At first, this can make one feel a bit lost and ungrounded. But when this passes, we feel the benefits and this is hard to give up, but can there be a happy medium?
<h3>Fear of Abandonment</h3>
If you&#8217;ve ever experienced abandonment, whether that&#8217;s been in childhood and/or since, you&#8217;ve experienced rejection. Abandonment and rejection form the root fear that most of us have when it comes to relationships. Indeed, we seek safety in our deeper connections, this offers a sense of security and trust and validates our existence in those relationships and at a deeper core level. When, however, we experience being left, hurt, rejected in ways, or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/abandonment-anxiety/">abandoned</a>, we develop a fear because of how damaging this can be to us. This fear serves to develop a function in future relationships, it creates an internal working model for us, or a blueprint that we can use in future relationships. We learn that to be and stay safe, we must guard against abandonment, and how does one guard against being abandoned? One either does not enter into romantic <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">relationship</a>s, does but does not commit, or self-sabotages and leaves before being left. But all this does is falsely reinforce the deeper question that went unanswered the first time we were hurt: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love?&#8221;
<h3>Expectations Too High</h3>
If you&#8217;ve never fallen in love or have but never managed to sustain a <a style="color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-iii-how-couples-therapy-can-help/">relationship</a> and find yourself asking: &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I love?&#8221; it might be because your expectations are too high. Now this might sound like you&#8217;re being asked to settle, but assuredly, you&#8217;re not. Let me explain; when we grow up on a cocktail of Disney films, Hollywood, Bollywood, and all that jazz, we believe in a perfect partner that will sweep us off our feet and make the kind of grand gestures we see in all of that trite. You might say &#8220;Well, no actually, I don&#8217;t expect all that, just someone to understand/accept me/*insert other requirement here*. You may be right, but your expectations may still be a bit skewed. Indeed, no person in the world will be perfect for you, or exactly what you want or need. It&#8217;s because we&#8217;re all so unique and affected by so much in our worlds, that we simply cannot fit one another. We have to be malleable, and flexible, and this means making compromises, in our requirements first, and then, with our potential partners, as long as the important things like values, can align. Otherwise, we end up with no one.
<h3>You Love Being Single</h3>
This one may follow from not wanting to lose yourself, or perhaps it&#8217;s about wanting to explore yourself. You may enjoy your freedom too much and love your independence. This may be why it&#8217;s not a matter of can&#8217;t fall in love, but rather, why you don&#8217;t allow yourself to. You stop yourself from getting uncomfortably close to potential partners because you enjoy the early phases of a relationship, or you simply avoid them altogether and just date, or do situationships, or the friends with benefits thing. So if you&#8217;re ever asking yourself &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I fall in love?&#8221; you may want to think about how you feel about committed relationships and whether you value your singledom too much. If you do, that&#8217;s of course fine, as long as it is truly the case and not a cover for avoidance of commitment due to a fear of being <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-to-respond-to-hurt-in-a-helpful-way/">hurt</a>. If it&#8217;s the latter, you may find the shininess of single life begins to dull over time, but by then it will feel even harder to change.
<h3>Waiting For The Perfect Moment</h3>
Now you may not be asking why you can&#8217;t fall in love, rather, you may wonder &#8220;Why don&#8217;t I feel love&#8221;. This could be for many reasons so you would have to think about this for yourself, but one sure reason might be because you&#8217;re waiting for some perfect moment when the stars align and Jupiter is in Saturn&#8217;s orbit, and the cow flies over the moon. What I mean here is, that you may be focusing on your career, finding the &#8216;one&#8217;, feeling perfectly ready, or some other condition that you&#8217;ve placed on finding love. It is okay to do this if you&#8217;re simply unable to give time to a relationship, but, if it&#8217;s been this way for too long, or if the condition you&#8217;re placing is unrealistic, you&#8217;ve created an obstacle that allows you to avoid finding love, and being loved in the way we all need at some point. There is no perfect moment so you&#8217;re waiting for a time that doesn&#8217;t exist &#8211; what might this do?

Can’t Fall In Love - Psychologic Reasons

If you believe that: &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; you may also wonder if this is normal. The answer is as complex as the question. Indeed, if you&#8217;re not feeling love, this does not mean you&#8217;re not loved, it may be a problem of perception. You are unable to feel love but it is there. For some people, it may be true that no one around them makes them feel loved, in which case, it is normal that they do not feel love. But we have to wonder why there&#8217;s no one to show love. It might be because you&#8217;re very guarded and keep everyone at a safe distance. Indeed, there are many reasons why it might be happening, and why when context is accounted for, we can see the logic in a lack of love &#8211; but this does not mean you&#8217;re unlovable.

Is It Normal To Not Feel Love?

<h3>Talk To A Therapist</h3>
Many of the reasons you may wonder &#8220;Why can&#8217;t I feel love&#8221; are likely to relate to fear, and this is even if on the surface that doesn&#8217;t seem to be the reason. Talking to a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapist</a> will allow you to explore things more deeply, without judgement, and with safety. If for instance, after reading this, or even before, you know the reason you&#8217;re unable to fall in love, you still have much to learn. For example, what are the deeper reasons for your inability to love or be loved, how did they emerge, what do they teach you about yourself, how do they impact you, and what might change? These are just some of the things you can be helped to explore in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">therapy</a>.
<h3>Practice Opening Up to Others</h3>
If therapy isn&#8217;t an option for you for whatever reason, but you know you&#8217;re guarded when it comes to matters of the heart, you might want to practice opening up. This does not mean that you open up about your deepest and darkest fears to just anybody, it means think about the least threatening thing that you don&#8217;t share, for whatever reason, and start with that, with someone you trust and see what happens. If you feel encouraged, go further, but only if you feel comfortable doing so. The more you do this, the easier it will become, and the more you will do it.
<h3>Build Supportive Friendships</h3>
Another thing that can help us stop feeling and asking things like: &#8220;Why am I so hard to love&#8221; are our friendships. People can often get so preoccupied with finding love that they forget that they can get it in other ways, not just romantically. If you have few friends, or lots but still don&#8217;t feel supported, you may need to consider taking a &#8216;friendship inventory&#8217;. If after this, you notice that your friends bring you down instead of building you up in ways (and this can be subtle), then you have to think of what this is doing for your ability to love yourself. This is important because it impacts what you will accept in a potential partner too.
<h3>Think About What You Might Want in a Relationship</h3>
Now if you&#8217;re worrying because you often think: &#8220;I can&#8217;t love&#8221; you might need to think about the kinds of partners you go for. You might be picking the wrong kinds of people, or finding potential in places where there are a lot of the wrong kinds of people (online dating, anyone?). This is where you have to stop and take a break from the search and ask yourself, either by yourself or with a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/the-value-of-confronting-self-doubt-as-a-psychotherapist/">therapist</a>, about what you want in a relationship. This may show you that what you seek, and the types you seek it from do not marry up very well (pun intended). Or, it may show you that you&#8217;re being unrealistic in some other ways, and you can reorient yourself before you resume the search. Maybe then, you&#8217;ll be, not luckier in love, but have increased your chances because you&#8217;ve reflected on things and made real adjustments.

I Can’t Feel Love: How To Overcome The Fear

<h3>Take it Slowly</h3>
Ever heard the expression &#8220;fools rush in&#8221;? Well, this is why you want to take it slowly. This is especially true if you notice a tendency to dive head-first into <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. This can feel intense for you and your partner, and add pressure. So, ease up on the gas and enjoy the ride.
<h3>Communicate Openly</h3>
If &#8220;I don&#8217;t feel love&#8221; is your mantra then another thing to consider when you do is how you communicate. When you&#8217;re feeling any kind of fear or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/anxiety-disorders-what-they-are-types-treatment/">anxiety</a> about your partner or their words, or behaviour, be open but be constructive. It might help to sound things out with friends or a therapist first if you find you often feel this way, as communicating fears too often to a new partner can also add pressure and stress.
<h3>Try to Live in the Moment</h3>
This relates to the other tips. When we live in the moment, we&#8217;re present. We aren&#8217;t in the past, and we aren&#8217;t overthinking about the future. We live and love in the now, and this naturally influences the future, usually for the better. Try to treat this relationship like it&#8217;s a new experience, and don&#8217;t mire it with the old, or lose it before it&#8217;s begun.
<h3>Set Boundaries</h3>
Boundaries are important for all of our relationships, so they&#8217;re especially important when it comes to our partners. There will certainly be fewer boundaries but there should always be some. For example, just because you&#8217;re in love, you should not forsake your friends, family, hobbies, or your own needs. Your boundaries are there for a reason, so don&#8217;t lose them and yourself, in the process.

What To Do If You Fall In Love

Bretherton, I. (1999). Updating the “internal working model” construct: Some reflections. Attachment & Human Development, 1(3), 343–357. 

Carvalho, A. C., & Rodrigues, D. L. (2022). Sexuality, Sexual Behavior, and Relationships of Asexual Individuals: Differences Between Aromantic and Romantic Orientation. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 

Can’t Fall in Love? 11 Reasons Why

One of the issues that comes up a lot in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/demystifying-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-how-it-works/">therapy</a> is when a client tells me they have no motivation to do anything. Sometimes this can be a symptom of a condition, for example, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">depression</a>. But sometimes it can actually be the cause of depression. People will find they do not have a purpose to strive for, or even if they have something others could only dream of, for example, a flourishing career, they just cannot access that &#8216;pep&#8217;, that feeling we all need to want to do something and take enjoyment from it. They feel no motivation and this can cause feelings of despondency, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/apathy-anhedonia/">apathy</a>, low mood, and depression. Life just doesn&#8217;t seem to have any meaning for them. They wonder to themselves and ask me: &#8220;Why am I struggling with motivation?&#8221;. They may even feel like there&#8217;s something very wrong with them, especially if they know they have things that others might be excited about. Some of my clients can actually be quite worried about this because they feel bored with life and even though they don&#8217;t want to die, they also don&#8217;t feel engaged with their lives. It&#8217;s a serious issue that can have a serious impact on mental health. This article will discuss what to do when you have no motivation.

<h3>Avoidance Of Discomfort</h3>
So one reason why you might not be motivated to do anything is because of a fear of discomfort. According to Freud, people will do all kinds of things to experience pleasure and avoid pain. So when you have no will to do anything, it might actually be underpinned by a deeper need to avoid discomfort. For example, it often requires hard work, energy, resources, and time to do a good job and this might cause discomfort if one prefers an easier life. Discomfort might also be related to an aversion to the risk of failing, causing one to do nothing instead. So avoidance of discomfort might even be about suppressing your own self-doubt.
<h3>Doubting Yourself</h3>
So let&#8217;s talk about how <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/limiting-beilefs/">self-doubt</a> creates a loss of motivation. It&#8217;s essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we think and feel affects how we behave. So if I believed that I was incapable of passing my driving test, I would find it very difficult to book my test. I&#8217;d probably procrastinate and make excuses whenever the topic was raised. Even IF I managed to book my test, I might miss it, or because of my self-doubt I might expect to fail, this of course is my prediction and it will affect my anxiety levels. Because I&#8217;m nervous and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxious</a> about failing, I cannot concentrate and I end up failing &#8211; self-fulfilling prophecy &#8211; I made my prediction come true and this reinforces my self-doubt but I didn&#8217;t fail because I&#8217;m incapable, I failed because I expected to and made it happen.
<h3>Being Overwhelmed</h3>
A lack of motivation and energy can also occur because one is feeling overwhelmed. This can happen when we try to do too much or take on something that makes us feel we aren&#8217;t capable. This can impact self-confidence, and over time, our <a style="color: #0033cc;" href="https://admin.phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>. It makes us feel out of our depth. Remember what I said about avoiding pain? Well, this is why one might feel demotivated when something feels too much, or too difficult. For example, if your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">job is overwhelming</a> you, you might experience no desire to work anymore. This feeling only heightens when mood is impacted.
<h3>Mental Health Issues</h3>
Indeed, feelings of low-confidence, low <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/are-your-relationships-building-or-taking-your-self-esteem/">self-esteem</a>, stress and overwhelm can all contribute to other mental health problems like depression and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>. But, as mentioned, a lack of motivation itself, can cause depression or be caused by it. When we&#8217;re feeling down, our usual day-to-day obligations can feel effortful and even overwhelming. People often want to seek comfort instead, and this is usually in the form of withdrawal and inactivity. But these behaviours keep people stuck in depression because there is a strange kind of comfort in depression and withdrawal, that combined with no drive is a vicious cycle that makes it feel as if you can&#8217;t do anything.
<h3>Lack of Commitment</h3>
Some people will start tasks and rather than see one through to completion, whatever that might look like, they will leave it unfinished and move on to something else. Some &#8216;disorders&#8217;, like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/exploring-adhd-in-women-symptoms-and-treatment/">ADHD</a> feature this tendency, but it is something that can be a part of one&#8217;s personality. When one loses motivation toward things in this routine way, it demonstrates a lack of commitment to any given endeavour. Sometimes it&#8217;s easier to start things than it is to see them through. So if you notice yourself lacking motivation toward something you&#8217;ve started, and are thinking about starting something new &#8211; call it out &#8211; you may be using the new thing to distract yourself from your lack of commitment.
<h3>Bad Attitude</h3>
If for example, you have no desire to work anymore, this might be to do with emotional issues. But sometimes it might be something else entirely. Some people experience what&#8217;s known as a poor work ethic. They do not hold themselves accountable to their responsibilities and they may even blame their employer for their problems, or resent them for being more successful. Who hasn&#8217;t heard of the person who does nothing but complain about their employer and when you suggest they look for a new job, they dismiss it. This is someone who is not taking ownership for themselves and their life, and simply wants to blame everyone else, when in fact it is this bad attitude that is their downfall.
<h3>Not Specific Enough About Goals</h3>
You might have some ideas about things you want to achieve and still experience a sense of no motivation and not even understand why. This might be because you haven&#8217;t clearly defined your goals in a clear and structured way. When we make our goals SMART, that is., Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound, we create clarity and accountability. We can have a time-frame for every small part of the plan, and troubleshoot when things aren&#8217;t working to schedule. So, take heart, your lack of motivation toward that goal you&#8217;ve had for ages might not be impossible. Instead of looking at the misty tip of the mountain and feeling dejected, you can look ahead at the first check post you see in the near distance.
<h3>Being Burnt Out</h3>
If you&#8217;ve experienced no motivation or energy and even had the thought that &#8220;All I want to do is sleep&#8221;, then you might be burning out. Burnout is exactly that; a state of complete exhaustion, physical, mental, and emotional. It&#8217;s no wonder then that, when this happens, we cannot muster the energy or drive to engage in life in the usual way. Put simply; you&#8217;re in need of rest so you can recover. Trying to find a sense of purpose, or meaning when experiencing this level of exhaustion is just going to add to your exhaustion and make you feel hopeless and even more demotivated .
<h3>Experiencing Toxic Stress</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">Stress</a> is a normal part of life and we should not think we can avoid stress all of the time. In fact, some people find a small amount of stress motivating. These are the people who like to leave essays or work commitments to the last minute and can do well because the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/academic-stress/">stress</a> of the approaching deadline motivates them to do better. This is healthy stress. Then there&#8217;s toxic stress. Called so because it&#8217;s harmful rather than helpful. Stress might become <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-toxic-masculinity-harms-everyone-inc-men/">toxic</a> when it relates to an acute issue that is particularly impactful and pressure-ful, or when we experience lots of stressors or a build-up. Think of stress as an elastic band, over time, it gets tighter, and then some relief is had which offers some slack. But when there&#8217;s no slack, it just gets tighter and tighter, until it snaps &#8211; likely burnout. When this happens we might feel we can&#8217;t do anything.
<h3>You May Not Have a Lot of Activities That Interest You</h3>
Some people might wonder why they&#8217;re not motivated to do anything without realising that it&#8217;s not a general lack of motivation that they&#8217;re experiencing. They are simply finding it hard to engage with whatever they have going on in their life at that time. For example, when people become <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-natal-depression-pnd/">depressed</a>, they stop doing what they once enjoyed. This makes them think they have no will to do anything, but if they restarted some of the things they once enjoyed, or something new, they might find they feel good and accomplished. This often reinforces the action and provides more motivation.

What Causes Lack Of Motivation?

So you may have noticed this apparent overlap between a lack of motivation, and depression and this is because they are very much connected. Our <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brains</a> and bodies., that is., our physical, mental, and emotional health are intricately connected. When we are well, we experience the production and release of mood-regulating, or &#8216;feel good&#8217; hormones. These are chemicals that affect the way our bodies work and how we feel. We might become depressed due to a deficiency in some of these <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/blogs/2022/9-may-evaluating-life-for-loneliness/">hormones</a> (what doctors call a &#8216;chemical imbalance&#8217;). Alternatively, there could be another reason for our depression but even so, the depression and its symptoms prevent us from being able to create the hormones we need, and instead we experience stress hormones. It&#8217;s complex, but either way, &#8216;motivation&#8217; is not going to be the motivation when we are feeling this way. A lack of it becomes one of the symptoms instead.
Now when we are well and not depressed, we can still experience a lack of motivation. Why? Because motivation is that &#8216;get up and go&#8217; feeling, that &#8216;pep&#8217;, that drive. It&#8217;s the thing that helps us move in some direction. And as mentioned above, you will notice there are a number of factors that can lead to loss of motivation, many of which do not have to start with depression. But this does not mean that they might not cause it, which further compounds the issue. So first it&#8217;s helpful to understand the cause of your lack of motivation because this will provide the antidote, or at least the roadmap to the solution. Below are some of the things that may help you get your mojo back, depending on the reason for lacking motivation.

Lack Of Motivation Vs. Depression

<h3>Create a Routine</h3>
If you&#8217;re asking yourself &#8220;Why do I have no motivation to do anything?&#8221; you might simply need to force it. It may seem strange but it&#8217;s an actual psychological technique from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">Cognitive Behavioural Therapy</a> (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/cbt-birmingham/">CBT</a>), and it works! When you&#8217;re feeling that you&#8217;re not motivated to do anything, do what Nike said all those years ago: Just Do It! You have to rebuild your routine because we humans are not so different to our cat cousins, we like a bit of routine and structure. By gradually building your routine, so that it doesn&#8217;t overwhelm you, you will notice your motivation return.
<h3>Use the 10-minute Rule</h3>
This is another one from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/transforming-behavior-and-rewiring-the-brain-cbt/">CBT</a> and the time can vary, but ten minutes is a nice neat number. Here&#8217;s what you do: when you&#8217;re experiencing a lack of motivation, and therefore procrastination for a particular task, force yourself to do this very thing for ten minutes only. The idea is that you will get past the barrier of starting, and perhaps find your flow, and therefore drive to continue. So just imagine that things you&#8217;re putting off will only take ten minutes, do what you can, and if you find it hard to continue, stop. You can then try again for another ten minutes, at a later time. But, you may find that you&#8217;ve gotten over the hardest part, and be able to finish the task!
<h3>Practice Self-Compassion</h3>
When people wonder &#8220;Why do I have no motivation to do anything?&#8221;, they often come from a position of blame and criticism toward themselves. Now how do you think this will affect the lack of motivation? It will feed it. Indeed, imagine if you have no desire to work anymore, do you think you&#8217;ll regain it if your boss criticises you, or if they support and show kindness? Yes, we respond better to care, rather than criticism. So when we <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">therapists</a> ask you to show yourself kindness and compassion, we&#8217;re doing it for good reason, because you deserve it and because it helps.
<h3>Work Out</h3>
<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;not motivated to do anything&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4348,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;6&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;7&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;8&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">When you&#8217;re not motivated to do anything, this one will be a toughie, but hear me out. Remember those lovely mood regulating hormones I mentioned before? Well two of those are endorphins and dopamine. The production of these can be boosted by exercise! Imagine; we have this amazing ability to give ourselves the chemicals we need to feel good, and driven! So, even if you don&#8217;t feel like getting out of bed, try the ten minute rule. Take a ten minute walk, or jog and see if you can continue from there. It&#8217;s likely you will find it much easier to, the more you do it! 
<h3>Break Large Goals Down Into Smaller Tasks</h3>
<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;all i want to do is sleep no motivation&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4348,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;6&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;7&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;8&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:[{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;5&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}},{&quot;1&quot;:0,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;3&quot;:3},{&quot;1&quot;:1,&quot;2&quot;:0,&quot;4&quot;:1}]},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">If your response to that one was &#8220;All I want to do is sleep, I have no motivation&#8221; and the ten minute thing doesn&#8217;t help you then how about this &#8211; let&#8217;s break things down. Remember, when you&#8217;re focusing on the summit of the mountain, it can look very daunting from all the way down here. So, think of the thing you need to do, and just think about one step in that process. Let us say, you&#8217;ve got to start an essay. The first thing you could do is give yourself some time to make an &#8216;essay plan&#8217;. This would be clearly outlining the days and times you can spend on the essay, what the tasks might be on each day, with the deadline in mind. When done this way, we have a more clarified goal, one that does not feel as big and vague. 
<h3>Manage To-Do List</h3>
Another thing that can help when you&#8217;re experiencing no motivation is a to-do list. This is a bit like the previous point. By placing things on paper or PC, whichever works better for you, you can instantly take away a bit of pressure and regain some cognitive bandwidth. This is because you no longer have to remember all of the things you have to do, and when you do this, you may also notice that things don&#8217;t seem as many or as unclear as they did before. This clarity also helps you to regain that headspace, you no longer have to worry or wonder, or work hard to suppress what you&#8217;re trying to avoid &#8211; another good reason to get it on paper.
<h3>Reward Yourself for Working</h3>
Just like Pavlov&#8217;s dogs, we all like to be recognised and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/the-many-benefits-of-gratitude-practice/">rewarded</a> for our hard work. So if you&#8217;re thinking to yourself &#8220;I have no motivation&#8221; then when you take some of the steps mentioned here to regain it, you should also reinforce this good effort with a treat! Not only will it give you an additional incentive to work for, it will also make you want to do it again. And, it doesn&#8217;t have to be extravagant as this would be hard to maintain. So treat yourself to your favourite meal or drink (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/alcoholism/">non-alcoholic</a> preferably, unless you&#8217;re of legal age and it&#8217;s an irregular choice!). Or you might give yourself an hour to play your favourite video-game, or anything else you consider a reward.
<h3>Pair a Task with Something You Enjoy</h3>
If you&#8217;re feeling a lack of motivation to do anything, what if you become creative with it. One example is pairing with a reward, although that should be done anyway. But another way to make your task(s) more interesting, and therefore, easier to do is by making the process more appealing, not just the reward you&#8217;re looking forward to. For example, if you&#8217;re putting off some work you have to do on your laptop, take yourself to a coffee shop or library to do it. If you&#8217;re finding it hard to exercise, make a playlist that will get you in the mood! If you&#8217;re sick of eating takeaways but can&#8217;t get yourself to cook a healthy meal, call a friend while you&#8217;re cooking and catch up on some social time as well!
<h3>Go for a Walk in Nature</h3>
When you&#8217;re wondering &#8220;Why do I lack motivation&#8221; you might want to take a leaf out of the Ecopsychology book (no pun intended). It teaches us that we humans find ease and peace in nature. It seems to be the only thing that can help us feel close to our &#8216;true selves&#8217; and this might just be another way of saying that we can connect to who we are without all the modern-day distractions and noise that we&#8217;ve created and become embroiled in. We were not designed to live the way we do, our lives were once much simpler, and this might in fact be another reason why we experience demotivation and burnout, because in some ways, we&#8217;re fighting against our nature. So get back to nature and take those walks between your tasks, they might even be your treat!
<h3>Seek Professional Help</h3>
Even if after trying these things, you&#8217;re still lacking motivation, you might just need a helping hand. For example, if you experience no desire to work anymore, or think all I want to do is sleep and have no motivation toward your obligations or relationships, then there might be more at work. <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/act-therapy-demystified-enhancing-well-being/">Therapy</a> can help because you will have someone beside you who will remind you to be compassionate, to hold you accountable, and to reward your effort. But more than this, you will have a professional who will be able to help you explore and understand the cause(s) of your lack of motivation and find what works for you to help you shift this feeling and regain not only motivation, but also improve your quality of life.

What To Do When You Have No Motivation

Health, D. D. (2022, December 1). Darling Downs Health. Darling Downs Health. 

No Motivation: Causes And Ways To Overcome It

In a world that constantly demands more of us, our emotional well-being often takes a backseat. The everyday stresses, traumatic experiences, and unresolved past events can leave deep emotional scars that hinder our ability to live a fulfilling life. However, there is hope on the horizon in the form of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. This innovative and creative approach to healing is poised to transform the way we confront our emotional pain and embark on a journey towards recovery. Join us as we explore the depths of EMDR therapy, its creative principles, and its transformative potential.

<h3>EMDR Therapy: What is it?</h3>
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a groundbreaking psychotherapy approach developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. It stands as a beacon of hope for those grappling with the debilitating effects of trauma and emotional distress. EMDR is not just a set of therapeutic techniques; it&#8217;s a comprehensive eight-phase process designed to help individuals process distressing memories and experiences.
&nbsp;
<h3>Understanding Trauma</h3>
Trauma comes in various forms, from childhood abuse to combat experiences and even everyday incidents like car accidents. Regardless of its origin, trauma can have profound and lasting effects on one&#8217;s mental health, often leading to conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other anxiety disorders. EMDR provides a unique and creative approach to addressing these issues by reprocessing traumatic memories and reducing their emotional charge.
&nbsp;
<h3>How EMDR Works</h3>
At the heart of EMDR lies a set of creative principles that mimic the brain&#8217;s natural healing processes. EMDR therapy works by facilitating the adaptive processing of distressing memories through bilateral stimulation, which typically involves guided eye movements. It&#8217;s as if EMDR taps into the brain&#8217;s innate creativity and problem-solving abilities to help individuals reframe their traumatic experiences and regain control over their emotions.

Chapter 1: Unveiling the Magic of EMDR Therapy

<h3>The Role of Eye Movements</h3>
The cornerstone of EMDR therapy is the use of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. This seemingly simple process has a profound impact on the brain, as it mimics the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, during which our brains naturally process and consolidate memories. EMDR harnesses this creative aspect of the brain, enabling individuals to reprocess traumatic memories and integrate them into their narrative in a less distressing way.
&nbsp;
<h3>Unleashing Creativity in Therapy</h3>
EMDR therapy fosters creativity in problem-solving by encouraging individuals to approach their traumatic experiences from different angles. This creative exploration can lead to new insights and perspectives, allowing for a more profound healing process. It&#8217;s not just about reliving past traumas; it&#8217;s about reshaping them into manageable narratives that no longer hold the same emotional power.
&nbsp;
<h3>Visualization and Metaphor</h3>
Another creative aspect of EMDR therapy involves the use of visualization and metaphor. Clients are encouraged to visualize their traumatic memories, emotions, and sensations, allowing them to gain a deeper understanding of their experiences. Metaphors are often used to reframe these memories and emotions, transforming them into more positive and manageable constructs. This creative reimagining is at the core of EMDR&#8217;s effectiveness.
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5E-C140IXHA?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Chapter 2: The Creative Essence of EMDR

<h3>The Therapist-Patient Relationship</h3>
Central to the success of EMDR therapy is the therapeutic relationship between the client and the trained EMDR therapist. Creativity plays a significant role here as therapists use their intuition, empathy, and creative communication skills to establish trust and rapport with their clients. Building this connection is essential for clients to feel safe enough to revisit their traumatic experiences.
&nbsp;
<h3>Tailoring EMDR for Each Individual</h3>
EMDR is a highly individualized therapy, and therapists creatively tailor the approach to meet the unique needs of each client. This adaptability allows for a personalized healing journey that takes into account the client&#8217;s specific history, triggers, and emotional responses. The therapist&#8217;s creative approach in adapting EMDR is vital in ensuring that the therapy is effective for each individual.
&nbsp;
<h3>Art and EMDR</h3>
Some therapists incorporate art therapy into EMDR sessions, adding an extra layer of creativity to the process. Art allows clients to express themselves in ways that words alone often cannot. Whether it&#8217;s through drawing, painting, or sculpting, clients can tap into their creative side to explore and process their emotions and traumatic experiences in a non-verbal manner.

Chapter 3: Stepping into the Therapist's Shoes

<h3>Real-Life Success Stories</h3>
The creative potential of EMDR therapy is perhaps best illustrated through real-life success stories. Countless individuals have found healing through this innovative approach. These stories often highlight the creative journeys to recovery, where clients unlock their own potential for healing, growth, and resilience.
&nbsp;
<h3>The Brain&#8217;s Remarkable Adaptability</h3>
EMDR&#8217;s effectiveness is not just anecdotal; it&#8217;s rooted in the brain&#8217;s remarkable adaptability. Neuroscientific research has shown that EMDR can facilitate the reorganization of neural networks, helping individuals process traumatic memories more adaptively. This creative rewiring of the brain contributes to lasting emotional healing.
&nbsp;
<h3>Beyond Trauma: EMDR for Self-Discovery</h3>
While EMDR is primarily associated with trauma treatment, its creative principles can also be applied to personal growth and self-discovery. Individuals can use EMDR to explore their inner selves, address self-limiting beliefs, and enhance their overall well-being. The journey doesn&#8217;t end with trauma resolution; it continues into a realm of creative self-discovery.

Chapter 4: The Transformational Journey

<h3>EMDR in the Digital Age</h3>
As technology continues to advance, the future of EMDR therapy holds exciting possibilities. Online EMDR therapy is becoming increasingly accessible, allowing individuals to access creative healing resources from the comfort of their own homes. Virtual reality (VR) applications and other technological innovations may further enhance the creative elements of EMDR therapy.
&nbsp;
<h3>Integrating EMDR into Holistic Wellness</h3>
The future of mental health and well-being is holistic, and EMDR therapy fits perfectly into this paradigm. Integrating EMDR with other holistic approaches, such as mindfulness, yoga, and nutrition, can create a comprehensive wellness plan that nurtures the mind, body, and spirit. The creative synergy between EMDR and these practices is promising for the future of emotional well-being.
&nbsp;
<h3>Creative Research and Innovation</h3>
Researchers continue to explore the creative aspects of EMDR therapy, seeking to refine and innovate the approach. Creative variations of EMDR, new applications, and enhanced protocols are on the horizon. As our understanding of the creative brain and its capacity for healing deepens, EMDR therapy will evolve to offer even more transformative potential.

Chapter 5: The Future of EMDR Therapy

EMDR therapy is more than just a therapeutic technique; it&#8217;s a creative journey towards emotional recovery. By tapping into the power of eye movements, visualization, and metaphor, EMDR invites us to explore our inner creative resources and embark on a path towards healing. As we look to the future, EMDR continues to evolve, promising even greater transformative potential for those seeking emotional wellness. So, take that creative leap, unlock your healing powers, and embrace the beauty of the EMDR journey. Your emotional recovery awaits.
&nbsp;
Remember, if you or someone you know is struggling with trauma or emotional distress, seeking professional help from a licensed EMDR therapist is essential. EMDR therapy offers a creative and evidence-based path towards healing, but it should always be conducted under the guidance of a trained practitioner.

Conclusion: Embracing the Creative Journey

EMDR Therapy and Journey to Emotional Recovery

Being unable to concentrate or focus is quite a common problem. In therapy, clients sometimes say things like &#8220;I can&#8217;t think&#8221;. There are many reasons this happens. Indeed, it&#8217;s quite normal to experience a lapse in our ability to focus from time to time. But when it goes on for too long, it&#8217;s important to understand that ironically, this deserves our attention. If you&#8217;re already struggling with the ability to concentrate, this article might test your attention, but if you muster on, you&#8217;ll learn about the signs, diagnosis, and treatment, as well as what to do when you can t focus. In so doing, you can improve cognitive and day-to-day functioning and therefore take more enjoyment from simple tasks like reading a book, or having a conversation.

<h3>Being Unable to Remember</h3>
One sure sign that there might be problems with concentration is if the thought &#8220;my mind is all over the place&#8221; has occurred to you, especially if this is a frequent thought. When our minds are unable to focus, we can struggle with memory as well. This is because when attention is scattered, the brain is unable to encode memories. This lack of focus means the transfer of information to long-term memory is impaired, resulting in forgetfulness.
<h3>Being Unable to Concentrate</h3>
If you&#8217;ve noticed that focusing or paying attention to tasks is a challenge then you will also notice that you&#8217;re struggling to engage in all kinds of things. This can mean that your focus shifts and you&#8217;re distracted easily. This inability to concentrate is because the neural networks that are responsible for sustained attention are compromised, so cognitive performance, that is., concentration becomes affected. This can lead to reduced productivity, forgetfulness, and difficulties completing tasks to a good standard.
<h3>Lack of Energy</h3>
When you can&#8217;t think clearly and are unable to concentrate, you might try to work harder to focus but this causes mental fatigue. Or, sometimes it&#8217;s the lack of energy that can cause difficulties with concentration. This is because when we&#8217;re fatigued our brain doesn&#8217;t have the necessary resources to sustain focus and attention. When this happens you might notice it as mental fogginess, decreased motivation, and increased susceptibility to distractions, all of which affect focus.
<h3>Brain Fog</h3>
What exactly is <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brain</a> fog? Brain fog describes the feeling of mental cloudiness or cognitive confusion. When this feeling of &#8216;haziness&#8217; occurs, you&#8217;ll notice you can&#8217;t think clearly, have problems with focusing and concentrating, and with remembering things. All of these can be frustrating and affect daily functioning. This is why it is important to understand the causes, as there are many.
<h3>Inability to Make Decisions</h3>
Another possible sign of a lack of concentration and focus in adults is when you notice that you&#8217;re unable to make decisions, sometimes even simple ones. This can happen as a sign of impaired concentration because to make effective decisions we have to be able to gather, process, and evaluate information. When focus is compromised, it becomes quite challenging to take in important and relevant details, weigh up pros and cons, and arrive at a clear choice. Instead we might experience hesitation, indecision, or impulsivity, all of which indicate a struggle to focus and think critically.
<h3>Inability to Finish Tasks in a Timely Manner</h3>
If you notice you&#8217;re finding it hard to finish tasks as intended, you may be experiencing a lack of focus. Indeed, we need to be able to concentrate for sustained periods and manage our time to complete tasks to deadlines. But when focus is hard to achieve, it takes longer to finish things because of distractions, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/difficulty-completing-tasks/">procrastination</a>, or a scattered thought process. This can lead to a sense of frustration due to the inability to concentrate and achieve goals.
<h3>Making Careless Mistakes</h3>
Making careless mistakes and oversights can be a clear sign of impaired focus because it suggests a lack of attention to detail. When we are unable to focus, we are more likely to overlook important information, skip steps, or misinterpret instructions.  All of these lead to mistakes. These lapses in accuracy and precision may be telling you there&#8217;s a problem with maintaining focus which is a sign of cognitive challenges.
<h3>Frequently Losing Things</h3>
If you&#8217;re asking yourself &#8220;Why do I feel like I&#8217;m losing my mind?&#8221; when you&#8217;re losing objects, it might be the ability to concentrate that&#8217;s been lost. This is because when we struggle to focus, we might not pay enough attention to where we put things. This means that when we try to remember where we last used them, we simply just can&#8217;t. This forgetfulness and disorganisation causes misplacement as our brains struggle to retain and process information about the locations of things.
<h3>Difficulty Sitting Still</h3>
Difficulty sitting still can be a sign of strained focus, especially in children and adults with conditions like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/exploring-adhd-in-women-symptoms-and-treatment/">attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder</a> (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understanding-adhd-in-women-challenges-and-strengths/">ADHD</a>). Restlessness and an inability to remain seated, or focused on a task can demonstrate challenges in maintaining attention. This can look like fidgeting, where people shift positions often due to a constant need for movement to remain engaged, but all of these interfere with the ability to focus effectively.
<h3>Procrastination</h3>
Procrastination is often a sign of difficulties with focus as well. When people struggle to focus on a task, they may put off starting it or repeatedly delay its completion. This procrastination is a coping mechanism, as it temporarily relieves the discomfort of trying to focus. However, it can lead to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">stress</a>, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, and even <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">depression</a> due to the inability to accomplish goals and the ways in which this can hinder progress in various aspects of life.

Signs Of Having Trouble Focusing 

<h3>Internal Distractions</h3>
Internal distractions can significantly undermine concentration. Internal distractions take attention away from the task at hand and there are many factors that can contribute, some of these include:
Worrying: If you are worrying about things, these worries can move your mind away from things in the day-to-day. Worrying takes cognitive load, or mental bandwidth, making it difficult to concentrate as your mind is preoccupied with worries instead of focusing on what you need to.
Daydreaming: Another form of internal distraction is daydreaming. When your mind unintentionally wanders, you move your focus from what you&#8217;re trying to do, to unrelated thoughts, scenarios, or fantasies.
Multitasking: This is when we try to distribute our attention to multiple things which dilutes the focus we can place on any one thing. This is often counterproductive as it leads to reduced efficiency and increased errors.
Physical Discomfort: When we&#8217;re hungry, tired, or in pain, we experience internal distractions. This is because our focus shifts to our physiological needs, making it difficult to pay attention to other things.
<h3>External Distractions</h3>
External distractions are external stimuli that divert attention away from the think one is trying to concentrate on. Such distractions can significantly impair one&#8217;s ability to focus and include various factors:
Noise: Loud or persistent noise from traffic, construction, or co-workers can disrupt concentration. These make it challenging to keep attention on tasks that require mental focus.
Technology: The constant notifications, emails, and social media updates from smartphones, tablets, and computers can be highly distracting. These devices can pull us away from work or studies. This is especially true because of the dopamine we experience from these distractions &#8211; which can cause an oversaturation of the hormone.
People: Interactions with colleagues, friends, or family members can interrupt concentration. Even brief conversations or interruptions can break the flow of thought.
Environmental Factors: Poor lighting or uncomfortable temperatures or seating arrangements are external distractions that can cause internal distractions like physical discomfort which can reduce the ability to concentrate effectively.
Visual Clutter: A cluttered or disorganised workspace can be visually distracting. It can draw attention away from the task at hand and make it difficult to stay focused.
Proximity to Entertainment: Access to TV, video games, or other sources of entertainment in the vicinity can be tempting distractions, particularly when we are looking for excuses to escape and procrastinate.
Intrusive Sounds or Smells: Sudden or unpleasant sounds and smells in the environment can disrupt concentration by capturing attention and triggering emotional responses.
<h3>Lack of Motivation</h3>
An internal factor that commonly affects concentration is demotivation. When we experience a lack of motivation for something we simply cannot concentrate or give it the attention and focus needed. If you don&#8217;t feel enthused toward something, you won&#8217;t experience the sense of purpose that&#8217;s needed to engage mentally. This lack of motivation causes procrastination, so tasks are delayed and left incomplete because the ability to problem-solve is also absent when we can&#8217;t focus. Demotivation also causes the mind to wander and indulge in distracting thoughts and we can give up easily and move on to more tempting activities.
<h3>Lack of Sleep</h3>
Sleep is restorative and even though scientists still don&#8217;t truly understand why we need it, we do know that a lack of sleep can lead to various cognitive and attention-related issues. Sleep deprivation can cause physical and mental fatigue, making it challenging to stay alert and focused. Because of the reduction in cognitive function, the ability to process information, make decisions, and solve problems is compromised. Our functioning becomes slower and less efficient making reaction times slower which can cause problems with quick thinking and decision making. Attention-span is shortened as well, making it difficult to concentrate on tasks for extended periods. Memory is consolidated during sleep so a lack of sleep can also cause forgetfulness. We also have lower tolerance and may therefore experience irritability, frustration, and mood swings. These emotional changes can also affect concentration. In extreme cases of sleep deprivation, people can experience brief, involuntary episodes of &#8220;microsleep,&#8221; in which consciousness is lost for a few seconds, even while trying to remain awake and attentive.
<h3>An Unhealthy Diet</h3>
Research suggests that gut microbiome plays a role in cognitive function so it&#8217;s no surprise that an unhealthy diet affects brain health and concentration. Indeed, a diet lacking essential vitamins, minerals, and omega-3 fatty acids impairs <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/teach-your-brain-to-manage-anxiety-with-this-simple-trick/">brain function</a> because these nutrients play a vital role in cognitive processes and neurotransmitter function. Deficiencies can lead to reduced mental clarity and focus. Blood sugar levels spike and crash when consuming high-sugar or processed foods. These fluctuations can lead to feelings of irritability, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating during the post-meal energy slump. This impact means the energy required to be alert and engaged is not available. A diet high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats, can also contribute to chronic inflammation. Inflammation has been linked to cognitive impairments and may interfere with concentration. Unhealthy food choices have also been associated with an increased risk of mental health issues like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/depression/">depression</a> and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, which further disrupt concentration. In addition, processed and sugary foods may not provide adequate hydration, leading to impaired focus, memory, and overall cognitive function.
<h3>Vitamin Deficiency</h3>
Deficiencies in certain key vitamins, can significantly impact concentration and cognitive function. For example:
Vitamin B12 plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy nerve cells and producing red blood cells. A deficiency in B12 can lead to cognitive problems, including difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, and even mood changes.
Vitamin D is important for brain health, and its deficiency has been associated with poor concentration, reduced attention span, and increased risk of conditions like depression.
Vitamin C is an antioxidant that supports brain health. A deficiency may lead to symptoms like fatigue and irritability, which can interfere with concentration and cognitive function.
Folate (Vitamin B9) is essential for normal <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/transforming-behavior-and-rewiring-the-brain-cbt/">brain</a> function and the synthesis of neurotransmitters. A deficiency can result in cognitive issues, including poor concentration and forgetfulness.
Vitamin E is an antioxidant that protects brain cells from oxidative damage. A deficiency may contribute to cognitive decline and difficulties with memory and concentration.
Vitamin K is involved in brain cell membrane formation and function. A deficiency may affect cognitive abilities, although it is less common than deficiencies in other vitamins.
Thiamine (Vitamin B1) is essential for brain energy metabolism. Severe thiamine deficiency can lead to neurological problems, including confusion, memory problems, and difficulty concentrating.
<h3>Stress and Burnout</h3>
Overwhelm: Stress and burnout significantly impact the ability to concentrate and focus because when we&#8217;re stressed or experiencing burnout, our minds will often feel overwhelmed with worries and tasks. This cognitive overload makes it difficult to organise thoughts, prioritise, and stay on task.
Chronic anxiety: Our brains become preoccupied with stressors, leaving little mental capacity for other things. Because stress creates a constant and heightened state of alertness and worry about the stressor or its consequences. This chronic state of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/anxiety-disorders-what-they-are-types-treatment/">anxiety</a> makes it challenging to focus on anything else, as we keep returning to the source of stress.
Exhaustion: Burnout, in particular, is characterised by emotional exhaustion. When you&#8217;re emotionally drained, it becomes difficult to maintain the emotional resilience needed to concentrate and engage fully in tasks.
Cognitive impairment: And stress can narrow your cognitive focus, making it harder to see the bigger picture and think creatively. This can hinder your ability to solve complex problems that require flexible thinking. <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/">Stress</a> can also lead to a decreased attention span, making it challenging to sustain focus on a single task for an extended period.
Physical problems: Stress and burnout can also cause physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue, these internal distractions make it harder to concentrate.
Demotivation: Furthermore, stress and burnout can lead to a lack of motivation. You may start to feel that your efforts are futile or that you&#8217;re too overwhelmed to make progress. This demotivation can result in procrastination and a further decline in concentration.
Memory issues: Chronic stress can also impair both short-term and long-term memory, making it challenging to retain and recall information, and hindering concentration.
Sleep problems: In addition stress and burnout can disrupt sleep patterns. Poor sleep quality or insufficient sleep can lead to daytime drowsiness and difficulties maintaining focus.
Low Self-Esteem: Negative self-talk and self-doubt can happen during times of stress and burnout as well. If you&#8217;re constantly criticising yourself or doubting your abilities, it can undermine your confidence and concentration.
<h3>Hormonal Imbalances</h3>
Hormones are chemical messengers that play a crucial role in regulating various bodily functions, including brain function so when these hormones are out of balance, it can lead to concentration problems. Here&#8217;s how:
Thyroid Hormones: Thyroid hormones, including thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3), are essential for regulating metabolism and brain function. An underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism) can result in symptoms like fatigue, brain fog, and difficulty concentrating. On the other hand, an overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism) can lead to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/teach-your-brain-to-manage-anxiety-with-this-simple-trick/">anxiety</a> and racing thoughts, which can also affect concentration.
Sex Hormones: Hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, and menopause or andropause can affect mood and cognitive function. Some people may experience difficulty concentrating, memory problems, and mood swings during these hormonal changes.
Insulin: Insulin regulates blood sugar levels, and fluctuations in blood sugar can affect brain function. When blood sugar levels drop too low (hypoglycemia) or spike too high (hyperglycemia), it can result in difficulties with concentration, focus, and mood.
Cortisol: Cortisol, often referred to as the stress hormone, plays a role in regulating stress responses. Chronic stress can lead to elevated cortisol levels, which can impair cognitive function and memory. It can also contribute to <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anxiety/">anxiety</a>, making it difficult to concentrate.
Adrenal Hormones: Alongside cortisol, the adrenal glands also produce hormones such as adrenaline, which are also involved in the body&#8217;s stress response. Prolonged stress or adrenal fatigue can disrupt the balance of these hormones, leading to fatigue, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, and concentration problems.
Sexual Hormones: Testosterone, oestrogen, and progesterone play roles in mood and cognitive function in both <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/male-mental-health/">men</a> and women. Imbalances in these hormones can lead to mood swings, irritability, and difficulties with concentration.
Growth Hormone: Growth hormone is essential for overall growth and repair of tissues, including the brain. A deficiency in growth hormone can lead to fatigue, cognitive impairment, and reduced attention span.

Causes Of Being Unable To Concentrate

<h3>ADHD</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/could-you-have-undiagnosed-adhd/">Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder</a> impairs the ability to focus due to persistent symptoms like inattention and impulsivity. Individuals with ADHD frequently struggle to sustain attention on tasks or activities, often becoming easily distracted by external stimuli or racing thoughts. This difficulty in maintaining concentration can hinder productivity and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/academic-stress/">academic</a> performance. Impulsivity further disrupts focus, as individuals may act on immediate impulses, interrupting their concentration. While medication and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">behavioural therapy</a> can help manage <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/">ADHD</a> symptoms, the condition fundamentally challenges an individual&#8217;s capacity to concentrate, affecting daily tasks and goal attainment.
<h3>Anxiety</h3>
If you&#8217;re <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/teach-your-brain-to-manage-anxiety-with-this-simple-trick/">anxious</a> and can&#8217;t think straight it&#8217;s likely because anxiety can disrupt the ability to focus. When experiencing anxiety, the mind is preoccupied with excessive worry, fear, or nervousness, diverting attention away from the task at hand. Physical symptoms like rapid heart rate, restlessness, and muscle tension can make it difficult to concentrate. Additionally, anxiety often triggers a heightened state of alertness, causing us to become hyper-vigilant about potential threats, further distracting us from tasks. Racing thoughts and constant rumination can impair cognitive processes and problem-solving abilities.
<h3>Depression</h3>
When people are depressed they often experience a pervasive sense of sadness, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-harm/">hopelessness</a>, and emotional numbness, which can make it challenging to engage in tasks and concentrate so depression can significantly impact the ability to focus. Fatigue and low energy levels are common symptoms of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/post-natal-depression-pnd/">depression</a> as well, these lead to reduced motivation and difficulty keeping attention on activities. Negative thought patterns and self-criticism can exacerbate the ability to focus by generating a cloud of pessimism. Depression&#8217;s cognitive symptoms, often referred to as &#8220;brain fog,&#8221; include poor concentration, memory problems, and slowed thinking.
<h3>Concussion</h3>
A concussion can have a profound and immediate impact on focus and concentration. It is a type of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/sexual-abuse-trauma/">traumatic</a> brain injury that disrupts normal brain function temporarily. Common symptoms include difficulty focusing, confusion, memory problems, and attention deficits. These cognitive impairments can be pronounced shortly after the injury and may persist for days, weeks, or even months, depending on the severity of the concussion. Concussions affect various cognitive processes, such as attention span, information processing speed, and working memory. Visual disturbances, headaches, and sensitivity to light or noise can also hinder concentration.

Medical Causes Of An Inability To Focus

Seeking professional help for concentration difficulties is important when it significantly interferes with your daily life and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/wellbeing-assessment/">well-being</a>. For example, if you consistently struggle to focus or concentrate, and these difficulties are severe, and last for an extended period. It&#8217;s also important to seek help if you notice that your troubles focusing are affecting your work, education, or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">relationships</a>. Another warning sign indicating need for professional help is when you notice a decline in your ability to perform tasks that you could previously handle easily (including a drop in work or academic performance, forgetting important appointments, or difficulty with basic daily tasks). If concentration problems are accompanied by other concerning symptoms like mood changes (e.g., depression or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-understanding-your-anxiety-response-will-empower-you/">anxiety</a>), memory issues, fatigue, or physical health problems, consulting a healthcare professional is also advisable. If you experience a sudden and unexplained onset of concentration difficulties, it may be related to a medical condition, medication side effects, or a recent head injury, warranting immediate evaluation. If concentration issues cause significant personal distress, frustration, or <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/abandonment-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, it&#8217;s a good indicator for seeking professional support.

When To Seek Professional Help

Being unable to concentrate is usually a symptom of another condition or disorder. There are various ways it will become apparent. For example, if you visit your healthcare provider, they&#8217;ll ask about your symptoms, medical history, and any potential underlying causes. Sometimes a physical examination may be necessary to rule out any medical conditions that could be affecting your ability to concentrate, such as thyroid problems or nutritional deficiencies. If there&#8217;s suspicion of a medical cause, blood tests or other laboratory investigations may be ordered to check for conditions like anaemia, thyroid dysfunction, or hormonal imbalances. In cases of suspected brain injury or neurological conditions, neuroimaging such as CT scans or MRI scans may be recommended.
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">Psychologists</a> may use standardised tests and questionnaires to assess cognitive function, attention, and concentration. These assessments help determine the extent of the problem and whether it fits criteria for conditions like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or other cognitive disorders. Information from <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">family</a> members, teachers, or colleagues can be valuable in assessing the impact of concentration difficulties on daily functioning. The conclusion is typically made based on a combination of these assessments and considering the overall clinical picture. Once diagnosed, appropriate treatment options can be explored, which may include therapy, medication, lifestyle modifications, or addressing underlying medical conditions.

How is Being Unable to Concentrate Diagnosed?

<h3>Exercise Daily</h3>
Exercise increases blood flow to the brain, delivering more oxygen and nutrients. It also releases neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, enhancing mood and focus &#8211; great when you can&#8217;t think straight. Regular physical activity supports cognitive functions, improves attention span, and reduces stress, contributing to better concentration and mental clarity.
<h3>Eat Well</h3>
Eating well provides the brain with essential nutrients and energy it needs to function optimally. A balanced diet supports stable blood sugar levels, preventing energy crashes that can affect concentration. Nutrient-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and Omega-3 fatty acids support brain health, enhancing focus and cognitive performance.
<h3>Take Care of Basic Needs</h3>
Taking care of basic needs, including sleep, hydration, and stress management, is crucial for concentration. Proper sleep allows the brain to recharge, improving cognitive function. Staying hydrated helps maintain alertness. Stress management techniques reduce distractions and promote mental clarity, enhancing overall focus and productivity.
<h3>Meditate</h3>
Meditation enhances concentration by training the mind to focus on the present moment. It reduces mental clutter and distractions, promoting <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/how-to-get-someone-off-your-mind/">mindfulness</a>. Regular practice improves attention span, cognitive control, and the ability to redirect focus, ultimately enhancing concentration and mental clarity in daily tasks and activities.
<h3>Turn Off Your Phone</h3>
Turning off your phone or putting it on silent mode can significantly improve concentration by eliminating distractions. It prevents notifications, calls, and messages from interrupting your work or tasks. Without the constant urge to check your phone, you can maintain a more focused and productive work environment, enhancing your ability to concentrate on what&#8217;s important.
<h3>Skip the Coffee</h3>
Skipping excessive coffee consumption can positively impact concentration. While caffeine can provide a temporary energy boost and alertness, excessive intake can lead to jitteriness, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/health-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and disrupted sleep, all of which hinder concentration. Reducing coffee or avoiding it in the afternoon promotes steadier focus and prevents energy crashes, supporting better concentration.
<h3>Use The Pomodoro Technique</h3>
The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method that enhances concentration by breaking work into focused intervals (usually 25 minutes) followed by short breaks. It combats mental fatigue by providing structured work periods, preventing burnout, and maintaining optimal focus during work sprints. The technique encourages sustained attention, improving productivity and concentration on tasks.

How Is Being Unable To Focus Treated? (Outside Therapy & Medication Intervention)

Concentration difficulties are a prevalent issue with far-reaching impacts. Understanding the signs, causes, and consequences of these challenges is crucial. From memory lapses to lack of motivation, various factors can disrupt our ability to focus, including internal distractions like worry and external ones such as technology or noisy environments.
Psychological conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, or concussions can compound these challenges. Knowing when to seek professional help is essential, as it allows for a comprehensive evaluation and diagnosis. Once diagnosed, individuals can explore various treatment options, from exercise and nutrition to mindfulness techniques and time management strategies like the Pomodoro Technique.
By addressing the root causes and implementing effective strategies, individuals can reclaim their cognitive function and rediscover the joy in daily activities. Whether it&#8217;s regaining the ability to concentrate at work or finding pleasure in reading a book, the journey toward improved focus and mental clarity is within reach for those willing to explore these insights and solutions.

Summary

Why Can’t I Focus On Anything?

As a therapist, I see clients with all sorts of problems, and something that comes up time and again (even if it&#8217;s not the main reason they&#8217;re coming to therapy) is <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/self-esteem/">low self-esteem</a>. Indeed, many people experience thoughts of not being good enough, but they don&#8217;t go further and ask themselves a very important question: &#8220;Why do I feel like I&#8217;m not good enough?&#8221; This question is important and although it leads to answers, it can also prompt questions, questions that can help us to explore what is &#8216;underneath&#8217; feeling like you aren&#8217;t good enough. So let&#8217;s get started.

Let&#8217;s first unpack what we mean by the feeling of not being good enough. Back in the day of tribal warfare, being good enough would have been extremely important for survival. We each would need to serve a function in the group to be accepted and protected. But, it&#8217;s more than that. We are social beings, we need to feel connected and so we have to be of value to others for them to want to connect with us. We seek out parents&#8217; approval and love so we can feel worthwhile, and we try to impress our peers so we can feel included. All of this indicates a need for acceptance and belonging and a need to avoid rejection and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/isolation-loneliness/">loneliness</a>. It also tells us that self-esteem is often dictated by external appraisal and when we feel a lack we should ask: &#8220;Why do I feel like I&#8217;m not good enough?&#8221;

What Does “Feeling Good Enough” Even Mean?

<h3>You Had Authoritarian Parents</h3>
When you ask the important question of why am I not good enough for anyone, you might have to cast your mind back to your earliest memories. Our &#8216;core beliefs&#8217; are planted very early on in life and they guide our view of ourselves and therefore what we might project onto other people. There is more than one way to discipline children, but when children are exposed to parents who are highly principled and value rules above all else, they can enforce them in ways that make <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">children feel inadequate, wrong, and unworthy of love</a>. Of course, much of this embeds itself subconsciously and can plant the fear of not being good enough. When this happens, we see ourselves in this way and focus on it.
<h3>You Didn’t Get Enough Parental Love</h3>
The part about being unlovable is key here. Children need to feel loved and safe to feel valued and worthwhile. Not feeling good enough can easily happen when parents are detached disciplinarians, rather than warm and affectionate. Children may also perceive a lack of &#8216;unconditional&#8217; love (subconsciously) when parents prioritise other people and things and are not present for them. Because children have yet to develop parts of the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brain</a> that can reason and rationalise, they are more emotionally sensitive and led. This means when they try to make sense of their parent&#8217;s actions toward them, they will be unequipped and therefore unable to see the whole picture, and will often conclude that they are at fault. This seed creates a core belief akin to &#8220;I&#8217;m unworthy of love&#8221; and not feeling good enough.
<h3>You Have A History of Abuse Or Trauma</h3>
Abuse and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://youtu.be/5E-C140IXHA?si=T8n32svkXIILJvw1">trauma</a> are an extension of the last point but in a more overt way. When children are neglected and experience parents who are emotionally unavailable, they are unable to feel the warm loving parent that makes them feel safe. This is a form of emotional abuse that may be unintended but has the same impact; the feeling of not being good enough. Of course, other more overt forms of abuse can make children feel frightened and not feeling good enough because they are unable to realise they are not to blame. All forms of abuse can create <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/what-happens-when-trauma-is-ignored-vs-when-its-not/">trauma</a> and often this is suppressed, leading to never feeling good enough but not understanding why.
<h3>Your Lack Of Self-Worth</h3>
But these suppressed and repressed judgments and feelings are the very thing that nurtures and feeds the feeling like you aren&#8217;t good enough, creating a lack of self-worth that people often try to hide and cover with things that are simply distractions &#8211; for them and others. Indeed, many people who are considered confident because they&#8217;re extroverted or &#8216;bubbly&#8217; often hide their real selves behind a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/unveiling-your-authentic-self-why-we-hide-behind-masks/">persona</a>. When they&#8217;re alone with their thoughts however, with no distractions, they tend to notice that they&#8217;re never feeling good enough. People who purchase extravagant cars or fashion items, or are obsessive about the gym can also be trying to cover up feeling never good enough and use these as a misguided attempt to feel worthwhile because they provide ways to feel superior, but it&#8217;s superficial and fleeting and continues to distract from not feeling good enough.
<h3>You’re Part Of A Toxic Environment</h3>
Toxic environments are just that &#8211; poison. They harm and damage self-worth. If you&#8217;re in a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/workplace-stress/">work</a> or home environment that makes you think to yourself: &#8220;I feel like I am not good enough&#8221; you have to notice what&#8217;s happening around you and question: &#8220;Why do I feel like I&#8217;m not good enough?&#8221;. What kinds of things are you hearing from those in your close circles and what are they doing? I have a saying: GUARD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM LIKE THE LAST DROP OF WATER IN THE DESERT, FOR IT DETERMINES YOUR LIFE. This is not an exaggeration. If you could see self-esteem like a bottle of water, that people around you are taking from rather than being considerate of, you might re-evaluate your relationships. <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/are-your-relationships-building-or-taking-your-self-esteem/">Self-esteem</a> is what we need to drive us forward in all kinds of ways &#8211; protect it.
<h3>Your Hidden Core Beliefs Are Running The Show</h3>
Yes, our core beliefs. Those things that took root when we were young and unable to make sense of things. If you experienced always feeling not good enough, you probably had some experiences that you were unable to understand fully. You mis-concluded that you were the problem. This created core beliefs &#8211; these are deeply rooted thoughts and beliefs that leave you not feeling good enough. This might stem from abandonment as a child, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/bullying/">bullying</a>, or other experiences that made you think that you were to blame for what happened to you, that somehow it was your fault, and because the fear of not being good enough takes hold, it impacts how we behave. This might mean you people please or don&#8217;t speak up for yourself even when you&#8217;re done wrong.
<h3>You Suffer From Imposter Syndrome</h3>
Feeling like you aren&#8217;t good enough as mentioned, impacts self-worth. This means that even when people achieve any kind of success they cannot attribute it to themselves. They may believe they are undeserving of their position, and this can make them feel incapable and anxious because there is a persistent feeling of expecting to be found out. Imposter syndrome means that individuals are unable to feel accomplished because they are unable to take credit for their achievements, often putting it down to luck, or some other external reason. Over time the feeling of not being good enough will impact one&#8217;s ability to do their work, they feel like a fraud and this can exacerbate never feeling good enough because it is a negative self-evaluation and confirms the fear.

Reasons For Feeling Not Good Enough

<h3>Stop Comparing With Others</h3>
When clients ask me: &#8220;Why do I feel like I&#8217;m not good enough?&#8221; I almost always know they&#8217;re comparing themselves to others. In today&#8217;s societies, this is often via social media. But when we do this we completely lose all objectivity. This is because firstly, people are often their own worst critics, so they start with a negative bias toward themselves. Then, they compare this with a snapshot of another person, and when I say snapshot, I mean a glimpse of someone&#8217;s life. This glimpse is presented in Super HD, filtered, and staged to the nth degree. No one is going to show you their dirty laundry. So when you compare yourself to others, you feed the feeling of not being good enough. Instead, question what you are doing, and remind yourself of the points made here because then you&#8217;ll be rationalising and I am certain you will notice a change over time in not feeling good enough.
<h3>Recall Past Achievements</h3>
This is an important one because most people who are always feeling not good enough tend not to take credit for their achievements. As mentioned, they will put it down to something else because they do not believe in themselves. So, all those past achievements that were overlooked must now be recounted and judged from a compassionate, and fair lens. Write down a list of things you have achieved as if they were a list about someone else. What would you think about them then? Clients always seem to show more objectivity when asked to consider things in this way. So when the fear of not being good enough comes up, review your list and add to it, but also judge it fairly, the way you might for a loved one. This exercise aims to help you focus on the good which is often minimised, and not the self-perceived failings that are often maximised.
<h3>Confront Your Inner Critic</h3>
If the following statement is true for you: &#8220;I feel like I am not good enough&#8221; then your inner critic is getting too much air time. So the answer to the question of why am I not good enough for anyone is not because you&#8217;re useless or *insert other harsh judgment*, it&#8217;s because your inner critic has taken the place of your outer critics. This may have been parents, bullies, friends, an <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/why-relationships-need-counselling/">ex-partner</a>, or a current one even. What must you do? At some point evaluate your unhealthy relationships, notice the red flags, and set boundaries. But first, you have to interrogate your inner critic. Ask it for its evidence to support its claims and be the best damn attorney for yourself that money could buy. Stick up for yourself as you never did before. Again, as if you were doing this for a friend if need be. At least then you&#8217;ll be fair! Confront that internal bully and get rid.
<h3>Use Positive Affirmations</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/the-many-benefits-of-gratitude-practice/">Positive affirmations</a> &#8211; you may roll your eyes at this one but hear me out. If you&#8217;re feeling like you&#8217;re never good enough then you&#8217;re talking to yourself in negative ways, that is in non-affirmative ways. So it might be worth trying something different if you can relate to the thought: &#8220;I feel like I am not good enough&#8221;. But, affirmative should be realistic and rational if it&#8217;s to be taken seriously and believed, only then can you hope to undo some of the damage that&#8217;s occurred. For example, you might notice negative thoughts like &#8220;I feel like I&#8217;m not good enough&#8221; which are usually based on cognitive distortions, so you have to then ask yourself &#8220;Why do I feel like I am not good enough&#8221; Then when you explore this, you may realise it&#8217;s because of things that have happened to you. This can lead to an affirmative and believable thought: &#8220;I never feel good enough because of X reason but I did not deserve that and I am refusing it now&#8221;.
<h3>Focus On the Process, Not Results</h3>
This one is true for anything, especially <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/act-therapy-demystified-enhancing-well-being/">therapy</a> and any kind of self-development. When you&#8217;re studying a course, it&#8217;s important to invest in the process, that is., the experience of the study and what you&#8217;re learning, the subject matter. But also, how this process affects and changes you. If you can do this, you&#8217;ll reap so much more from the process than someone who is simply focused on deadlines and ticking boxes. This is true for <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/8-things-you-should-shouldnt-expect-from-therapy/">therapy</a> and any kind of change, especially beliefs that are deeply rooted and leave you feeling never good enough. This is the idea of being, not doing. So when you&#8217;re trying to build up your self-esteem, whether that&#8217;s through steps like this or a deeper approach like <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">therapy</a> (recommended), then you have to do what&#8217;s needed, whether that be exploration, attempting to understand, and changing your mindset in an earnest and committed way, not simply taking the guidance of your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/therapists/rehanna/">therapist</a> or this blog in a superficial token gesture kind of way.
<h3>Talk To Friends</h3>
The fear of not being good enough can grow and fester when it is kept from others. This is because you&#8217;re feeding it with a biased and unobjective view, one that is influenced by your experiences and whatever you&#8217;ve been made to believe. The reason why it&#8217;s recommended that you think of how you would speak to a friend when you&#8217;re feeling like you aren&#8217;t good enough is because you&#8217;re more likely to be compassionate and fair. This is what your friends will be for you if you speak to them when you&#8217;re not feeling good enough in some way or situation. Your friends can be the voice of reason, they can help you to see aspects of a situation that you&#8217;re too clouded to notice because of your lack of objectivity. I sometimes ask clients to ask friends for an evaluation of them, not anything long or formal, just a few genuine words. They often learn that their friends see them in much kinder ways.
<h3>Seek Therapy</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/8-things-you-should-shouldnt-expect-from-therapy/">Therapy</a> is what&#8217;s needed if you want to dig out the weeds that have grown uncontrollably since the seeds of &#8220;I feel like I am not good enough&#8221; were sewn. This is a process of deep excavation. If we want to minimise the harm that poison ivy can cause we have to get to the roots. In therapy, you can explore important beliefs and questions like &#8220;Why am I not good enough for anyone?&#8221; and rather than accept them as truths, explore and interrogate them together with a <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/founders/rehanna-kauser/">mental health professional</a>. Throughout the process you will learn where the origins of these damaging core beliefs stem from, this insight and understanding can help foster the antidote you need to affect your misperceptions about yourself and develop a healthier, more balanced, and therefore, fair, view of yourself.

Practices To Stop Feeling Like You Are Not Good Enough

<h3>Greater Resilience</h3>
So why should one want to change the feeling of not being good enough? Because when you feel inadequate, inferior, or deficient, you&#8217;re in a position of disadvantage in all domains of life. You will not have the true confidence to go out in life and achieve your potential because your resilience or ability to withstand the natural setbacks that come with living will be heavily compromised. But, if you can change not feeling good enough to feeling more than good enough, and not in a superficial, inauthentic &#8220;fake it till you make it&#8221; way, but genuinely, you will be able to &#8220;fall down seven times stand up eight&#8221; &#8211; as the Japanese proverb goes &#8211; and feel great about that too.
<h3>Improved Mental Health</h3>
If you go from never feeling good enough to feeling worthy, capable, strong, and resilient, what do you think this could do for your <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/where-mental-health-came-from-a-journey-through-history/">mental health</a> and overall well-being? Yes, if you think about how the fear of not being good enough and the feelings of inadequacy feed into all forms of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, and <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/5-lies-your-mind-tells-you-when-youre-depressed/">depression</a>, you can logically assume that when one feels not just adequate, but worthwhile and good about oneself, it feeds into action because you will go out and do things, things you can feel proud of. All of which will bolster good <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/blogs/2022/9-may-evaluating-life-for-loneliness/">mood-regulating hormones</a>, and therefore, mental health.
<h3>Better Decision-Making</h3>
If you asked someone what they feel about themselves and they said: &#8220;I feel like I am not good enough&#8221; would you ask them to help you to make an important decision? Probably not, and why? Because people who are always feeling not good enough do not trust their judgment so why would you? Instead, they seek validation from others and will often need approval and defer important decisions to others so they don&#8217;t have to take responsibility, and therefore fail as they expect they will. If however, they begin to notice that they are capable and good enough, they can make decisions and often good ones, or ones that they can learn from, because they have resilience.
<h3>Better Relationships</h3>
When we are not feeling good enough in ways, this is like a mirror. It reflects our <a href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/understand-how-to-communicate-in-relationships/">relationship</a> with ourselves. Sometimes it might be an acute situation in which we can see it&#8217;s because we need to take some self-time. But if it&#8217;s a chronic feeling, one that is enduring and longstanding, we have to look a bit closer. This reflection tells us that we are relating to ourselves harshly and unjustly. Usually influenced by some of our relationships. We can only foster good relationships with others when we improve the one with ourselves. This is because only when we value ourselves, can we teach others to do the same, and experience better <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/divorce-or-uncoupling-therapy/">relationships</a>.

Benefits Of Believing In Yourself

<h3>You Decide How Good You Are</h3>
When we ask questions like &#8220;Why am I not good enough for anyone ?&#8221; it&#8217;s because we&#8217;re seeking external validation when the only one who should decide how good you are, is you. This is not in a new-age hippy, narcissistic, or flagrant kind of way, it&#8217;s about holding ourselves accountable and knowing what we need to work on to be what we want for ourselves. So if there are things you aren&#8217;t happy about in your life, think about what you need to do to address them, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/an-introduction-to-couples-therapy-part-ii-doubts-about-couples-therapy/">therapy</a> may help you do this if you need help.
<h3>You Have Skills No One Else Has</h3>
All of us are unique and this is true of our qualities and also our skills and abilities. Your life has shaped you to be who you are today, along the way you will have acquired skills and learnings. You may not notice them because you have focused on feeling like you aren&#8217;t good enough and so minimised what you have to offer. This does not mean you have nothing, you just cannot acknowledge or see. Again, I urge you to ask loved ones what skills and abilities they notice you have and be ready to be surprised. And importantly, don&#8217;t dismiss them.
<h3>You Might Be On a Different Path</h3>
This one is important to consider when you experience that feeling of not being good enough, especially when you <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/jealousy-envy/">compare yourself</a> to others and predictably fall short, because of the reasons mentioned before. Even if you&#8217;re comparing yourself to someone in your life, for example, a sibling or friend, you still must not lose sight of context. You are on a different trajectory because your starting point was different. This is based on your start in life, as well as the decisions that were made for and by you, that were likely impacted by others around you. So take control of your path, now.
<h3>Some People Depend On You</h3>
You likely have people in your life who in some way, shape, or form, depend on you for something. This is important to recognise when you ask yourself &#8220;Why am I never enough for anyone?&#8221; Indeed, it&#8217;s very likely that from their point of view, you are good enough and if you asked them, you would learn this. If however, you&#8217;re around someone who leaves you feeling like you aren&#8217;t enough, then it&#8217;s your circle that needs to change, not you! The ones who can see your worth, and care for you, want and need you in their lives &#8211; because you matter.
<h3>You Are Trying Your Best</h3>
Never feeling good enough is a heavy cross to bear so even if it doesn&#8217;t feel like it, you should try to recognise that you are doing your best. If you&#8217;re asking yourself &#8220;Why do I feel like I am not good enough?&#8221; it&#8217;s probably because you want to be better. This demonstrates that you&#8217;re trying your best but are thwarted by your negative self-talk (inner critic) and core beliefs. Despite these, you&#8217;re still here, reading this. Because you&#8217;re trying. Stop beating yourself up, give yourself a break and do the work that you need to do. So that the next time you ask yourself &#8220;Why Do I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough?&#8221; Your answer won&#8217;t be biased, subjective, and unfair. It will be a completely different answer, one that takes account of context and of your uniqueness and potential to be the best version of you.

Reasons Why You Are Good Enough

Why Do I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough?

Asperger&#8217;s syndrome is a developmental disorder that falls under the broader category of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-autism-spectrum-disorder/">autism spectrum disorder</a> (<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/unraveling-the-spectrum-autism-spectrum-disorders/">ASD</a>). It was first identified by Austrian paediatrician Hans Asperger in the 1940s and considered a separate diagnosis from Autism. His work described a group of children with distinct social and behavioural traits. Because of advances in research and clinical understanding since, as of 2013, Asperger&#8217;s disorder was reclassified as an ASD by psychiatry due to the overlap between the disorders.
This reclassification aimed to reflect the &#8216;spectrum&#8217; of the disorder and how the severity and combination of signs and symptoms of Asperger&#8217;s varies widely between individuals and while some people have relatively mild symptoms and can lead independent lives, others require more support in daily living. It&#8217;s estimated around 700,000 people in the UK, including one in 100 children, are diagnosed with ASD (including Asperger&#8217;s).
This article will explore the signs and symptoms of Asperger&#8217;s as well as Asperger&#8217;s syndrome causes, diagnosis, and treatment.

What Is Asperger’s Syndrome?

<h3></h3>
<h3>Behavioural</h3>
Behavioural <span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;signs and symptoms of aspergers&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">signs and symptoms of Asperger&#8217;s syndrome include specialised interests and repetitive behaviours. People with Asperger&#8217;s often develop intense, focused interests in specific subjects, dedicating extensive time and energy to them. These interests may become a central aspect of their lives, sometimes leading to expert-level knowledge. Repetitive behaviours, another hallmark, can provide a sense of structure and predictability in their environment. These behaviours might manifest as routines, rituals, or repetitive physical movements.
<h3>Social</h3>
People with Asperger&#8217;s often possess a strong interest and desire for social engagement, wanting connections and relationships. However, they can find interpreting social cues, nonverbal expressions, and nuances in communication, challenging. They may struggle to recognise emotions, understand sarcasm or humour, and gauge appropriate conversational responses. These difficulties can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations. Moreover, individuals with Asperger&#8217;s can struggle with empathy and understanding others&#8217; emotions instinctively, they often develop cognitive empathy through conscious effort and learning, aiming to understand emotions based on intellectual analysis.
<h3>Physical </h3>
<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;aspergers physical symptoms&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:2625,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}}">Physical signs and symptoms of Asperger&#8217;s include sensory sensitivities and motor coordination challenges. People with Asperger&#8217;s may experience heightened sensory responses, becoming overwhelmed by stimuli like bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures. These sensitivities can affect reactions to surroundings and cause discomfort. Motor coordination difficulties are another aspect of <span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;aspergers physical symptoms&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:2625,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}}">Asperger&#8217;s physical signs. Individuals might struggle with fine and gross motor skills, affecting tasks like handwriting, tying shoelaces, or participating in sports. This can create a preference for activities that involve less intricate motor control.
<h3>Cognitive</h3>
Individuals with Asperger&#8217;s often experience literal thinking, straightforwardly interpreting language and instructions without grasping underlying meanings or implications. Their cognitive profile is marked by intense attention to detail, allowing them to excel in areas requiring precision and accuracy. This strength can lead to expertise in specific subjects. However, it might also result in difficulties in perceiving the broader context or overarching themes. Furthermore, many individuals with Asperger&#8217;s possess average to above-average intelligence, showcasing their cognitive capabilities. This cognitive profile contributes to their distinctive way of processing information and engaging with the world around them.

Common Signs And Symptoms Of Asperger’s

Although the exact A<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;asperger syndrome causes&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">sperger&#8217;s syndrome causes are not fully understood, research suggests a combination of genetic and environmental factors play a role in its development, including:
<h3>Genetics</h3>
There is a strong genetic component. Asperger&#8217;s syndrome tends to run in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/services/family-therapy-london/">families</a>, and individuals with a family history of autism or related conditions are at a higher risk. Specific genes or combinations of genes might contribute to predisposing individuals to develop the syndrome.
<h3>Neurological Differences</h3>
Research has identified certain neurological differences in the brains of individuals with Asperger&#8217;s. These differences might affect how the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/brain/">brain</a> processes information and responds to sensory stimuli, leading to the characteristic behavioural and cognitive signs of Asperger&#8217;s.
<h3>Prenatal and Early Childhood Factors</h3>
Environmental factors during prenatal development and early <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/childhood-trauma/">childhood</a> might also play a role in A<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;asperger syndrome causes&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">sperger&#8217;s syndrome. Exposure to certain infections, toxins, or stressors during pregnancy, as well as complications during childbirth, have been studied as potential risk factors.
<h3>Brain Development</h3>
Alterations in <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/teach-your-brain-to-manage-anxiety-with-this-simple-trick/">brain</a> development, particularly in regions associated with social communication and interaction, are thought to contribute to the signs of Asperger&#8217;s. Connectivity and communication between different parts of the brain might be disrupted.
<h3>Epigenetics</h3>
Epigenetic factors, which involve changes in gene expression without changes in the underlying DNA sequence, could influence the development of Asperger&#8217;s. These changes might be influenced by various environmental factors.
<h3>Neurotransmitters</h3>
Imbalances in certain neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/blog/transforming-behavior-and-rewiring-the-brain-cbt/">brain</a>) have been suggested to play a role in A<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;asperger syndrome causes&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">sperger&#8217;s syndrome causes. These imbalances could affect social interaction, communication, and behaviour.

Causes Of Asperger’s Syndrome

Asperger&#8217;s syndrome does not inherently cause violent behaviour. Like any group of individuals, people with Asperger&#8217;s can display a range of behaviours, including <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/anger/">aggression</a>. Behaviours are not directly caused by the condition but may result from a combination of individual factors and circumstances. Here are some important points to consider:
<h3>Communication Challenges</h3>
People with Asperger&#8217;s or ASD might have difficulty expressing their emotions or understanding the emotions of others. Communication challenges can sometimes lead to frustration, which may manifest as behavioural outbursts. It&#8217;s important to note that these outbursts are often expressions of distress rather than deliberate violence.
<h3>Sensory Sensitivities</h3>
Many individuals with ASD have heightened sensory sensitivities. Overwhelm from sensory stimuli can lead to meltdowns or <span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;aspergers physical symptoms&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:2625,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0}}">Asperger&#8217;s physical signs that appear aggressive, but are often attempts to cope with sensory overload.
<h3>Routine Disruption</h3>
Individuals with Asperger&#8217;s often thrive on routine and predictability. Sudden changes or disruptions to their routines might provoke stress and result in behavioural reactions.
<h3>Co-Occurring Conditions</h3>
Some individuals with <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-autism-spectrum-disorder/">ASD</a> might have co-occurring conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or impulse control disorders. These conditions can contribute to challenging behaviours.
<h3>Individual Variation</h3>
Just as in the general population, behaviour varies widely among individuals with Asperger&#8217;s or ASD. Some people will never display violent behaviours, while others might have occasional outbursts.
It&#8217;s important to avoid making generalisations about violent behaviour based on a diagnosis of Asperger&#8217;s. Understanding and addressing the underlying factors contributing to any challenging behaviours, along with providing appropriate support, can significantly improve the well-being and quality of life of individuals with these conditions. If you have concerns about violent behaviour, it&#8217;s advisable to seek guidance from qualified healthcare professionals who specialise in autism and behaviour management.

Does Asperger’s Cause Violent Behaviour?

In the UK, the process of diagnosing Asperger&#8217;s syndrome typically involves several steps and requires the expertise of healthcare professionals specialising in developmental and behavioural disorders. Here&#8217;s an overview of the diagnostic process:
<h3>Initial Assessment</h3>
The process often begins with an initial assessment by a general practitioner (GP) or a healthcare professional who has experience in developmental disorders. If there are concerns about developmental issues or behaviours associated with Asperger&#8217;s, the individual may be referred to a specialist.
<h3>Specialist Assessment</h3>
A specialist, such as a paediatrician, child psychiatrist, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/what-your-therapists-title-really-means/">psychologist</a>, or developmental specialist, conducts a thorough assessment. This assessment includes detailed discussions with the individual and their family about behaviour, development, and medical history.
<h3>Observation and Interviews</h3>
The specialist may observe the individual&#8217;s behaviour in various settings and gather information from parents, caregivers, teachers, and others who interact with the individual regularly. This helps to assess social communication, repetitive behaviours, and other relevant aspects.
<h3>Diagnostic Tools</h3>
Standardised assessment tools and questionnaires may be used to gather information about the individual&#8217;s behaviour and symptoms. Tools like the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) and the Autism Diagnostic Interview-Revised (ADI-R) are commonly used.
<h3>Medical and Developmental Assessment</h3>
The specialist may conduct a medical evaluation to rule out other conditions that might have similar symptoms. They will also assess the individual&#8217;s developmental history, speech and language skills, and any sensory sensitivities.
<h3>Multidisciplinary Team</h3>
In some cases, a multidisciplinary team approach is taken, involving professionals from different disciplines to provide a comprehensive assessment. This might include speech therapists, occupational therapists, and educational professionals.
<h3>Diagnosis and Feedback</h3>
Once all the assessments are completed, the specialist will provide a diagnosis or explain their findings. They will discuss the individual&#8217;s strengths, challenges, and recommended interventions, as well as provide information about available support services.
<h3>Post-Diagnostic Support</h3>
Following diagnosis, the individual and their <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/family-issues/">family</a> may receive guidance on interventions, therapies, and support services tailored to their needs. The specialist may also provide information about educational accommodations and community resources.
It&#8217;s important to note that the process can vary based on the age of the individual, the severity of <span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;signs and symptoms of aspergers&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">signs and symptoms of Asperger&#8217;s, and the availability of specialists in the area. The diagnostic process should be conducted by qualified healthcare professionals with experience in assessing developmental disorders like Asperger&#8217;s syndrome or autism.

How Is Asperger's Syndrome Diagnosed?

The treatment and management of Asperger&#8217;s syndrome are typically focused on improving quality of <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/ask-yourself-this-question-to-change-your-life/">life</a>, enhancing social communication skills, addressing behavioural challenges, and providing support for individuals and their families. Here are some common approaches to treatment:
<h3>Behavioural Interventions</h3>
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/demystifying-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-how-it-works/">Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA)</a> is a structured approach that focuses on teaching and reinforcing positive behaviours while reducing challenging ones. It often involves breaking down skills into smaller steps and using rewards for positive behaviour.
Social Skills Training helps individuals learn and practice appropriate social interactions, including understanding social cues, initiating conversations, and managing emotions.
<h3>Educational Support</h3>
Individualized Education Plan (IEP) is designed to address an individual&#8217;s specific learning and developmental needs. It can include accommodations, support services, and tailored educational goals.
<h3>Therapies</h3>
Speech Therapy helps improve communication skills, including verbal and nonverbal communication, expressive language, and pragmatic language (social language use).
Occupational Therapy focuses on improving fine and gross motor skills, sensory sensitivities, and daily living skills.
<a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/understanding-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/">Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy</a> (CBT) helps individuals manage <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/learn-about-your-anxiety/">anxiety</a>, <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/issues/academic-stress/">stress</a>, and challenging behaviours by teaching coping strategies and altering negative thought patterns.
<h3>Medication</h3>
Medication might be considered to manage specific symptoms, such as <a style="color: #0033cc; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://phinitytherapy.com/videos/calm-the-chaos-manage-your-anxiety-response-and-take-control/">anxiety</a>, depression, or attention difficulties, which can sometimes co-occur with Asperger&#8217;s.
<h3>Parent and Family Support</h3>
Providing families with information, resources, and strategies to understand and support their child&#8217;s needs. 
Parent training programs help caregivers learn techniques to manage challenging behaviours and enhance communication.
<h3>Social Support and Peer Interaction</h3>
Engaging in social groups or classes designed to help individuals with ASD practice social interactions and develop friendships.
<h3>Transition Planning</h3>
Preparing adolescents and young adults for transitions to adulthood, including vocational training, higher education, and independent living skills.
<h3>Individualised Approach</h3>
Recognising that every individual with ASD is unique, interventions and treatments are tailored to the specific strengths, challenges, and goals of each person.

How To Treat Asperger’s Syndrome? 

While certain factors are thought to contribute to the development of Asperger&#8217;s, the exact interplay between genetics, environment, and brain development is complex and not fully understood. Each person&#8217;s experience of Asperger&#8217;s can vary widely. Thankfully, ongoing research continues to shed light on underlying A<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;asperger syndrome causes&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6336,&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">sperger&#8217;s syndrome causes. So with appropriate support, understanding, and interventions, individuals with Asperger&#8217;s can learn to manage their emotions and behaviours more effectively for improved life quality.

Conclusion 

Mehlmann-Wicks, J. (2020, September 7). Autism Spectrum Disorder. The British Medical Association. 

Signs And Symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome

Romeo and Juliet, Helen and Paris, the list goes on, but I won&#8217;t. These are stories of lovers who might have benefited from a class in &#8220;how to stop obsessively thinking about someone&#8221; but that class was overbooked that semester, so go figure. But in all seriousness, we&#8217;ve probably all been there at some point, and to some degree felt out of control with our feelings about someone, vowing to never let it happen again. Because it only feels good when the other person feels the same&#8230;.often it&#8217;s not quite like that. And if you&#8217;re the one feeling distracted and preoccupied, okay, a bit obsessed, then it can feel disempowering. Why? Because it is. And sometimes it&#8217;s not a romantic prospect but someone who&#8217;s aggrieved us in some way. So how do you take your power back? As the saying goes, they&#8217;re living in your head and they ain&#8217;t paying rent, so it&#8217;s time to evict them. This article will tell you how to serve that section 21 and learn how to get someone off your mind.

So how do you stop thinking about someone? Indeed it&#8217;s a complex issue that requires articles and whole books on it. It also lands many people in therapy. But with some effort it is possible. First, let&#8217;s discuss why it&#8217;s so hard. Attraction is one reason and it&#8217;s not necessarily a bad thing because it&#8217;s quite normal during the early stages of a romantic relationship. It only becomes problematic when it starts to take over too much. For example, if you&#8217;re phone watching to see if someone&#8217;s read or replied to the message you sent just ten minutes ago or, if you can&#8217;t focus on your work because your mind keeps wandering with thoughts about them (good or bad).
Another reason why it happens relates to attachment. If you notice a tendency to become obsessive with partners, and even friends or co-workers, this might relate to your Internal Working Model (IWM), a concept coined by Attachment theorist John Bowlby. Your IWM is a blueprint that is made from your earliest attachment relationships and which will teach you how to behave in relationships.
Sometimes mental health problems like anxiety, low self esteem, loneliness, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) can also play a role. Similarly, personality disorders like borderline personality disorder (BPD), dependent personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), or narcissistic personality disorder can predispose someone to these kinds of interpersonal problems

Why Is It Hard to Get Someone Off Your Mind

When you&#8217;re thinking about how to get someone off your mind, you&#8217;re probably wondering how long it takes, especially when you and others around you start to worry it&#8217;s been too long. But there is no one definitive answer to this. It depends on how close you felt to the person, how attached you were, and not necessarily how long you knew them. The deeper the connection, the longer it will take but this does not mean you&#8217;ve been sentenced to a passive limbo state. It&#8217;s important to be proactive. Start by asking yourself some questions, for example: how do I stop thinking about someone, and how to stop obsessive thinking about someone? These are the starting point of your journey. They will carry you to the next step which is learning the how, and next, doing it. The reason this is so important is because the how long question is directly impacted by your thought process. If you&#8217;re thinking about the person, imagining conversations, reliving memories, you&#8217;re still stuck. This extends your sentence. But, if instead, you&#8217;ve realised what is going on, and rather than let yourself indulge in this state, you ask the right questions, you can move to the next stage and decrease the time taken.

How Long Does It Takes to Get Someone Out of Your Head?

<h3></h3>
<h3>Stop Stalking on Social Media</h3>
This is a very modern problem that can keep you stuck with the ghost of someone. So one tip for how to get someone off your mind is to get them off your screen. As the saying goes: out of sight, out of mind. This may sound like a cliché, but that doesn&#8217;t take away from its wisdom. When clients are anxious or depressed and they watch things on social media, or the news, that makes them feel more anxious or low I ask them to reduce this, and they notice a change for the better. If you virtually stalk the object of your ire or affection, you keep them ever-present in your life, and mind, they ain&#8217;t going nowhere. And maybe that&#8217;s why you do it. But it only harms you, as they get on in life, you watch them getting on&#8230;but you&#8217;re a speck in their rearview, so it&#8217;s time to move off. This might mean you need to come off social media for a time if the urge is too strong. Logging each day you&#8217;ve abstained can also make you feel accomplished and motivate you to continue.
<h3>No-Contact Rule</h3>
This one may seem obvious when considering how to take your mind off someone but it&#8217;s astonishing how many people will break this rule. Even when they&#8217;ve broken it before, and returned to someone who&#8217;s bad for them, and even rinsed and repeated. So when clients ask me: how can I stop thinking about someone? One thing I will always ask them to do is stop contact. This is difficult but it&#8217;s necessary. Think of it like the addiction it is. Our video about addiction explains how we can become addicted to almost anything. Addiction is a chemical and emotional issue and when you get that contact, you feel relieved, safe, and eased to some extent. You also get that hit of dopamine and maybe some oxytocin, the &#8216;love hormone&#8217; as a side. Stop contact and stop feeding your bad habit.
<h3>Get Rid Of Nostalgic Items</h3>
If you want to know how to stop thinking about someone, decline nostalgia. Nostalgia is like an emotional memory that makes us feel warm and wistful. But when you&#8217;re wondering about how to stop fantasising about someone, it&#8217;s important to get rid of any keepsakes, this might even be messages you&#8217;ve exchanged, and while you&#8217;re at it, get rid of those rose-tinted lenses too. If this one feels too difficult, put all the cards, soft toys, and other gifts in a bag and give them to someone to store. Maybe down the line when you&#8217;ve mastered how to take your mind off someone (i.e., the person of interest), you can go through the bag and (responsibly) conduct a therapeutic burning ceremony, or sell or give away any items you deem of monetary value, and recycle the cards. I remember seeing a copy of Final Fantasy XIII in Computer Exchange with the message &#8220;To the best girlfriend ever&#8221; scrawled on the front&#8230;it&#8217;s good to see that said girlfriend decided to make her fantasies final by exchanging the game and maybe one day, a new beau too.
<h3>Stop Trying To Figure Out What’s Going On Inside Their Mind</h3>
Something that is a fruitless task and can feel like a torturous one when you&#8217;re wondering how to get someone off your mind, is when you spend your precious time trying to get in theirs! People can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months and years trying to make sense of the situation by trying to get inside the head of the other person. But all you&#8217;re doing is keeping that person present in your present. That person has likely moved on, and probably thinks of you rarely, if at all, but you&#8217;re not able to let go and are still trying to figure them out so you can understand what happened and why. It&#8217;s understandable but if you want to learn how to stop obsessive thinking about someone, you have to realise you can never know another&#8217;s mind, and anything you conclude is your conclusion alone.
<h3>Stop Living In False Hope</h3>
There&#8217;s always a part of us that wants to keep the possibility of reconciliation alive. So when you&#8217;re thinking about ways how to get someone off your mind, there will be a part of you that might resist and fight. This is the internal battle that rages. You want to move on because your rational brain knows the truth &#8211; that it&#8217;s over. But your emotional, relational, attached brain will not so easily want to give up hope, even when you know on some core level, it&#8217;s false. But the falsehood of this wish is like the Siren&#8217;s call, it lulls you as the trap closes in. You aren&#8217;t able to truly let go and move on while you&#8217;re hanging on to this idea. You have one foot in, and the other barely out. You have to walk through the door and close it. Because when one door closes&#8230;
<h3>Respect Yourself</h3>
When clients ask me how do I stop thinking about someone? One thing that comes to mind, and one that I try to emphasise is the idea of respecting themselves. This idea should be so obvious its obviousness is taken for granted and becomes missed. Family and friends might try to hint at this when they say things like &#8220;you were too good for them&#8221; or &#8220;you deserved better&#8221; but it&#8217;s more than that. It&#8217;s about recounting all the times when you were disrespected, and realising how you allowed that to happen because you weren&#8217;t respecting yourself. Or maybe the person did nothing wrong, maybe you caused the end. If this is true, you have to respect yourself now. You have to bow out with dignity and give them, and yourself space and time to learn, heal, and move forward.
<h3>Learn To Redirect Thoughts </h3>
But what if like Kylie, &#8220;I just can&#8217;t get you out of my head&#8221; is your daily mantra? Well, thoughts are not so easy to control and we can&#8217;t just tell ourselves to stop. So one way you can learn how to stop obsessive thinking about someone is to redirect your thoughts. This can be done in different ways. One way how to stop thinking about someone is with formal mindfulness practice. This means finding a quiet place where you can sit comfortably and focus your mind toward your breath, slowing it down, whilst focusing on different sensations, like the taste in your mouth, the feeling of the chair or ground under you, the sounds you hear, etc. Pick one sense to focus on in turn and spend some time with it as you slow your breath. If you cannot practice formally, you can try informal practice. This is simply noticing the thoughts and consciously moving away from them by first accepting them without judgment and then choosing to let them go.
<h3>Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain</h3>
This one might seem strange because as Freud said, most of us seek pleasure and try to avoid pain. But this isn&#8217;t seeking out pain. This is processing the pain that exists. A reason why you struggle with how to get someone off your mind is because it&#8217;s painful to lose them. So not thinking about them means you lose them yet again, but by thinking about them, you can hold on. This in some strange way seems to minimise the hurt. Why is this? Because you&#8217;re also processing what happened and this helps. Even though some of the other suggestions in this article would seem to contradict this one, they work together. That is., you must give yourself some time to feel the pain&#8230;.this is grief. But grief can become complicated and this is detrimental. Feel, process, but heal.
<h3>Stay Active</h3>
One of the things I emphasise is the mind-body connection. Staying active is important because it helps us release important mood-regulating hormones like endorphins. These offer us a natural chemical high and can promote our healing process. Staying active also means the focus is on the body, allowing us to come out of the mind and we can also incorporate mindfulness, especially if running in the outdoors (recommended, on grass not concrete!). Plus, you&#8217;ll feel accomplished because you&#8217;re taking care of your body as well as your mind. Staying active can also help us to feel strong, as we physically get there, we emotionally do as well. So don&#8217;t rule this one out so easily. As with any of the tips, I would also recommend you give each several attempts, because you might not feel the benefits, or motivation, right away.
<h3>Practice Mindfulness</h3>
Mindfulness has already been touched on but it should be emphasised when we&#8217;re asking how do you get someone off your mind. Why? Because the ancient Buddhist teachings of mindfulness teach us to be present. Buddhists use mindfulness meditation to do three important things: to know one&#8217;s mind, to train it, and to free it. When we are worrying about how to stop obsessive thinking about someone, our mind is like a yapping dog in a cage. We have to throw it a bone here and there so it can relax. Eventually, the yapping becomes quieter and less frequent, until we are free of the stress. It&#8217;s no surprise then, that studies report mindfulness helps manage stress, cope with illness, and improve mood and self-esteem. Many also found it increased the ability to relax, and offered a newfound enthusiasm for life. All great when on the road toward how to stop thinking about a person.
<h3>Express Yourself</h3>
This one might seem counter-intuitive when you want to learn how to get someone off your mind but it&#8217;s an important one. Just as it&#8217;s important to feel the pain you may be carrying about the person you want to evict from your mind, it&#8217;s also important to express how you feel, what you think about them, and what&#8217;s happened. But again, with a caveat; this part of the process should also be limited to a degree. Indeed, you know what it&#8217;s like when someone you know fixates on, and talks incessantly about someone. At first, this is okay because you understand they need to do this. But, as time went on, so did they; on, and on, and on. It&#8217;s important to be compassionate toward yourself and others when this happens but also focus on moving through the stages of the process, so that the person on your mind, isn&#8217;t squatting there forever.
<h3>Enjoy Life </h3>
So how can enjoying life help you learn how to stop fantasising about someone? Because you live in your lifeworld, rather than in your mind. This means starting to do things you once enjoyed but perhaps let slip away. This might need to be forced at first but I assure you, when taken in tandem with some of the others on this list, you&#8217;ll fake it until you make it so at some point it won&#8217;t feel forced. Something I have seen many clients do is dwell on and indulge their sadness because in a strange way, they almost enjoy it. But this is not joy, it&#8217;s Stockholm Syndrome, you&#8217;ve become attached to your captor, who is actually you. Instead do something you&#8217;ve always wanted to do. Indeed, when we try or learn something new, we gain a multitude of benefits: we create new experiences and opportunities, pick up new skills, socialise, and facilitate mood-regulating rather than stress hormones.
<h3>Keep A Journal </h3>
This one might not be for everyone but many clients report the benefit of keeping a journal even if it&#8217;s not about how to stop thinking about someone all the time. But when the goal is how to get someone off your mind, there are benefits too. When you write in a journal, you can focus on yourself, and reflect on your experience. This ties in with the idea of feeling your emotions and expressing yourself. It offers you a personal place where you can put pen to paper and offload what you carry, process it a bit, and without judgment. You might even learn things about yourself and you can use journaling to log what you&#8217;ve tried to help yourself when it comes to how to stop constantly thinking about someone, and notice what seems to be working, and what you&#8217;re finding less helpful.
<h3>Imagine A Bright Future</h3>
When it comes to how to stop thinking about someone, imagining a bright future is crucial. I&#8217;m in the business of helping people to be rational and realistic, not fantasists so this is not about fantasy or falsehood, or lying to yourself. There&#8217;s something called a &#8216;self-fulfilling prophecy&#8217;. Pessimistic people view situations through a negative lens and make bad things happen &#8211; how do they do this? Well, if I don&#8217;t believe things will improve, I will likely behave in ways that make it true. For example, I will avoid socialising, I might take to substances for relief, and I&#8217;ll sink deeper. But if I believe things will get better, I will act in ways to make it true. I will do the kinds of things recommended here so I can help myself, and create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy, and a brighter future.
<h3>Avoid Substances </h3>
So if, for example, you want to learn how to stop thinking about someone you can&#8217;t have, what do you think drugs, like alcohol, will do?
A: Help you stop thinking about them and lead a productive and successful life, or 
B: Ruminate and become more vulnerable to mood and anxiety problems due to the hormone depletion caused by some substances?
Another thing that substances do is keep people stuck, and withdrawn, and eventually affect functioning in the day-to-day, such that getting out of bed and doing one&#8217;s work might pose challenges. They pose a risk to life as well. This is because drugs affect us physically and can lead to numerous health problems, but the mental toll could lead to suicidal ideation as one&#8217;s world becomes darker and smaller due to an inability to function and heal. So, when we&#8217;re especially vulnerable, it&#8217;s important to avoid substances that might appear to feel better in the shorter term, but actually lead to a world of pain in the long term.
<h3>Try To Forgive </h3>
If the reason you struggle with how to not think about someone relates to being wronged by them in some way, it&#8217;s important to come to forgiveness. Many people will stubbornly react to this suggestion with a &#8220;no, never&#8221; but that&#8217;s because they think they&#8217;re doing it for the other person or because they think it means they accept the transgression. It means neither of these. When I recommend forgiveness it&#8217;s first and foremost for the benefit of the wronged person. Nelson Mandela said something like: &#8220;Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die&#8221;. When we hold onto grievances, we chip away at our ability to be happy. So put the poison down and forgive. This does not mean you&#8217;ve accepted the wrongdoing. It means you&#8217;ve accepted the reality that it happened and chosen not to burden yourself any longer because they don&#8217;t deserve more than they&#8217;ve taken.
<h3>Talk To Friends and Family </h3>
This one might also seem to contradict the intention of how to stop thinking about a person but it&#8217;s not strictly the case. Often just talking to someone about how we feel in situations that trouble us can feel like a weight off. It comes back to the idea of expressing oneself, and feeling and processing. But it&#8217;s important here to not simply use others as a soundboard for indulging in someone you want to learn to let go of. This means the focus might be better placed if it&#8217;s on your feelings about the situation, rather than on the situation itself. Or you might talk about other things to help you come out of your head. This one is important because it keeps you connected to your social network, and socialising is important when you want to practice how to stop thinking about someone all the time.
<h3>Talk To A Therapist </h3>
So sometimes I&#8217;m working with someone in therapy on one particular problem, and their relationship abruptly ends, or they suffer a bereavement. This becomes the focus of the work and they have that space to validate and process their pain, anger, whatever it is. They express themselves. They learn ways to redirect their thoughts and make sense of the loss. They might learn some mindfulness techniques to ease anxiety and panic. And at some point, they might ask: How do you stop thinking about someone? Depending on the reasons for the loss, the answer can vary. Talking to an impartial, skilled, and empathic therapist who can provide a facilitative space to process and heal can help you learn how to live for you and those who are around.

Tips on How to Get Someone Off Your Mind

When you are battling <span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;how to get someone off your mind&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4291,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:65280},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">how to get someone off your mind, there is no one size fits all solution and as you probably know, it cannot be switched off. But we can help ourselves along the way, and these tips may help you. It is a process but it doesn&#8217;t have to be a long and winding path, it can be made smoother and straighter, so you can get to your destination faster, with fewer challenges, until you&#8217;ve mastered it<span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;how to get someone off your mind&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:4291,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:65280},&quot;9&quot;:1,&quot;10&quot;:2,&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}"> so you can evict the unwanted tenant and live more fully and free.

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Insight Meditation Center. (n.d.). Mindfulness Meditation as a Buddhist Practice.

National Institutes of Health (NIH) - News in Health. (2012, January). Mindfulness Matters. 

How to Get Someone Off Your Mind

ASD is aptly named a &#8220;spectrum&#8221; due to the vast variability in how it manifests. From individuals who struggle with communication and social interaction to those who exhibit remarkable abilities in specific areas, the spectrum encompasses a wide range of traits. Sensory sensitivities, repetitive behaviors, and a preference for routine are among the common traits that contribute to the unique experiences of individuals with ASD.

The Spectrum: A Multifaceted Landscape

Early identification of ASD is instrumental in facilitating timely intervention. Early signs might include limited eye contact, delayed speech, difficulties in social interactions, and intense focus on specific interests. Detecting these signs and seeking professional assessment can pave the way for effective interventions that can make a significant difference in a child&#8217;s developmental trajectory.
<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe loading="lazy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iVWFMVecGoU?rel=0" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div>

Early Identification and Intervention: A Crucial Step

Therapeutic interventions play a pivotal role in supporting individuals with ASD, enhancing their skills, and improving their quality of life. Several types of therapy have proven effective in addressing various aspects of ASD:
1. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA): ABA focuses on behavior modification and skill development through structured and individualized interventions. It&#8217;s particularly effective in addressing communication, social skills, and adaptive behaviors.
2. Speech and Language Therapy: This therapy targets communication challenges, helping individuals develop language skills, improve articulation, and enhance overall communication.
3. Occupational Therapy: Occupational therapy addresses sensory sensitivities and helps individuals develop fine motor skills, sensory regulation, and daily living skills.
4. Social Skills Training: Many individuals with ASD struggle with social interactions. Social skills training equips them with tools to navigate social situations and form meaningful connections.
5. Play Therapy: Play therapy provides a safe environment for children with ASD to learn and practice social skills, emotional regulation, and imaginative play.
6. Parent Training and Support: Supporting parents and caregivers is crucial. Parent training equips them with strategies to manage behaviors, enhance communication, and foster a supportive environment.

The Power of Therapy: An Invaluable Resource

The impact of therapy on individuals with ASD is profound and far-reaching:
1. Communication Improvement: Speech therapy and communication-focused interventions enable individuals to express themselves, reducing frustration and enhancing interactions.
2. Behavioral Regulation: ABA and other behavior-focused therapies empower individuals to manage challenging behaviors and develop more adaptive responses.
3. Social Connection: Social skills training fosters meaningful relationships, helping individuals with ASD engage in more fulfilling interactions.
4. Independence: Occupational therapy equips individuals with skills needed for daily activities, fostering greater independence.
5. Empowering Families: Therapy not only benefits individuals with ASD but also provides families with tools, resources, and strategies to support their loved ones effectively.

Therapy's Transformative Impact: A Holistic Approach

As society&#8217;s understanding of neurodiversity deepens, the narrative around ASD is evolving. Instead of focusing solely on deficits, there&#8217;s a growing appreciation for the strengths and unique abilities individuals with ASD bring to the table. Recognizing these strengths and providing tailored interventions that harness them can lead to remarkable progress and accomplishments.